Spiritual Abuse From Toxic Christianity.

[BloomInWinter]

This page links to news articles of over 25 pastors arrested for sexual assault, child abuse, etc. just in the month of May, 2014. Just one month's worth. One month. More can, and should be done to protect women and children. I wonder how many of their victims end up with PTSD too. :mad::cry::banghead:

"...Much like their Catholic counterparts, Protestant pastors and ministers are trusted with children who have been taught to obey the authority of their church leaders.

...This is not an opportunistic attempt to slander Christian pastors by stringing together random cases compiled over the decades – these are all stories that hit the local news in May 2014 alone. Likewise, these are not random cases of “everyday Christians” getting arrested for “everyday crimes” such as theft or drunk driving. These are a few of the reported cases of Christian leaders taking advantage of their positions of perceived power – from the month of May alone! (I couldn’t bring myself to continue browsing…)

• rape, sodomy, and incest of a nine year old
• forcing “morning after” pill after raping teens
• sexual abuse of mentally handicapped in custody
• producing and distributing child pornography
• installing hidden cameras in church bathrooms
• father/son pastors tag-teaming member of youth group
• drugs, sex, and yes – a dead body"

http://www.awkwardmomentsbible.com/shocking-pastors-on-the-prowl/

 

[thisbejoe7]

Thats the thing about spiritual abuse. We expect that leaders (pastors and priests) to be perfect, but we forget that they are still human, prone to be selfish and abusive and any other type of negative behavior you can think of. I think there is far too much trust for these individuals in those types of religious cultures. We should not elevate people so high and expect perfection for one thing, thats a form of idolatry. But its just a bad idea because when they fail, and they will, we are devastated.

It could be a totally fixable thing too. Just stop allowing individuals to be worshipped and given authority without question. Stop preventing priests from marriage and expressing their sexuality. Stop allowing opportunities for leaders of any kind to be alone with children or anyone really. I know that sounds extreme, but some variation of those things combined with other practical changes could significantly reduce or nearly eliminate a lot of the sexual abuse in these environments.

 

[BloomInWinter]

The rigidity of so much dogma requiring absolute obedience grooms victims for such perpetrators who take advantage. These are not good people who were led astray, they were predators who knew that those churches are excellent hunting grounds.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you for sharing these abuses of power over the victims. It just sickens me how little accountability there is for the predators in these institutions. Very enlightening. Secondary wounding for which there is so little support or help, or comfort and the truth to set these victims free to heal.

Blaming the victim just makes me feel so sick to my stomach.

What bothers me is so many things, for instance, leaving the victim alone, blamed, shamed and cast out or driven out being left alone to pick up the shattered pieces of their broken and devastated lives.

I so appreciate Bloom, you sharing these things. People need to become aware and it is very hard.

I know I got a group of people to go to a seminar by Jan Frank on Incest. The pastor and a elder went. He refused to follow through and raise awareness. He turned a blind eye. But a few of the people who went were aware that healing was possible and their awareness was raised.

They left the church after that. I was fooled at the time and did not yet understand the sick dynamics of the leadership at that time. It took my own victimization for me to wake up and leave.

I truly believe that many who do not go to church or the institutions have more faith than those in toxic churches.

It sure is depressing how often this sort of thing happens and how difficult it is to raise awareness and enlightenment.

Thank you Bloom, I really appreciate your sharing of that information.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Thank you so much for creating this thread, @gizmo. There are so many in need of a safe healing space without others judging them for where they are on their journey.

We're all entitled to our own experience and autonomy for our spiritual lives. Those telling others what they should be feeling are abusive and intrusive, and heap further invalidation on those of us seeking healing.

I no longer believe it is ok to "submit" my will to other human beings or to the dogma of any particular religion. That "submit" indoctrination ended up causing me great harm, and it was usually uttered to mean "ignore what your instinct are telling you" and "it's not ok to ask questions or challenge things which seem wrong."

I'm proud of the work I have done and continue to do to help battered women and children escape the abusers in their churches. Participating in restorative justice brings a measure of peace to my soul.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you Bloom. It must be very healing to help survivors get help and resources.

I went through it alone and I was not trusting my good instincts. So happy that part of my life is healing and I will not get involved again. I really thing this is a huge problem and so many broken people are being further wounded as they try to escape it.

I am very proud of you for doing what you are doing. There are so many sources of good information out there now. When I went through it there was no real help.

Never again.

 

[BloomInWinter]

This articulates my feelings well.

"It’s no accident that so many allegations of serious abuse have arisen across SGM’s churches. The combination of patriarchal gender roles, purity culture, and authoritarian clergy that characterizes Sovereign Grace’s teachings on parenting, marriage, and sexuality creates an environment where women and children—especially girls—are uniquely vulnerable to abuse.

The attitude of male entitlement to women’s bodies, embedded in the uniquely conservative gendered roles prescribed by many churches, opens the door for abuses of the worst kind. In researching these topics over the past few years, I’ve come across a number of women who found themselves at the mercy of church discipline for failing to give in to their husband’s entitlement. Women who “withhold sex”—a phrasing that, in itself, exudes entitlement—are said to be failing in their Christian duties as wives. In theory, writes Sarah N. Moon, you could say no, but you’d be a bad wife if you actually did.

Similar entitlement extends into cases of childhood abuse committed by male authority figures. Children whose parents confront the church about their abuse are instructed to follow the lines of authority in the church, to obey what the Bible says, and, in the worst scenarios, to give their children over to God. Children do not exist as human beings in the eyes of the conservative church—instead they are pawns in the larger cosmic game. This dehumanization allows entitlement to young, female bodies to flourish." Source: [DLMURL]http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2014/06/17/purity-culture-male-entitlement-womens-bodies/[/DLMURL]

 

[Laura 2]

There is so much abuse and dysfunction. Pastors having affairs with other staff, school (it was a church/school) staff sexually abusing the children. Just all sorts of horrible abuse beyond just the horrific legalistic and heretical teaching.

"...rape victims searching for help at Bob Jones University in Greenville, S.C., were told to repent and seek out their own “root sin” that caused them to be raped.

I've read all the posts here and thank you all for speaking about church abuse so openly. But I read things like this and I feel a sort of intense nauseated rage that has no outlet or way of resolution. And then I remember why I have come to despise most so-called human beings. Sorry, but I do now. I don't think it's the PTSD so much as the experiences that led to the PTSD which opened my eyes to the realities that we could turn a blind eye to before trauma or imagined that when we heard a horrific story of abuse it was just a one-off. Actually, abuse isn't rare - it's everywhere, all the time.

Somehow it feels worse when the abuse is coming from church leaders and members, and people in authority who are trusted by dint of their job.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I think it is worse coming from the church because the majority of churchgoers are wonderful, caring human beings and when such things happen in their flock, it's the caring people who suffer.

 

[Laura 2]

the majority of churchgoers are wonderful, caring human beings

I'm really glad you've had that experience. In lifelong churchgoing and through scores of churches I've not encountered the same. Lots of shiny, smiley faces infused with godliness on a sunday morning but the rest of the week...not so much.

 

[thisbejoe7]

I'm really glad you've had that experience. In lifelong churchgoing and through scores of churches I've not encountered the same. Lots of shiny, smiley faces infused with godliness on a sunday morning but the rest of the week...not so much.

Something that happens far too often is the "plastic Christian". Those who want to look good on the outside and act like they have everything all together. This is simply a lie and accounts for why most church people are different during the week than they are at church. Most people don't understand that we don't have to pretend we have it all together and are "good people". In Christianity at least, we are supposed to understand that we are not good people and have lots of potential for evil. Hence the need for a savior.

The plastic Christian facade is simply a mask people wear on Sunday. It doesn't reflect the actual reality of the situation.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you all for your validation and education and by raising awareness it may actually help some to heal from their own abuse.