alwaysonthecliff
New Here
I am a 25 year old male who has been diagnosed with PTSD as well as a bunch of other different things that I really don't care about.
I had a very traumatic event happen in my life. I actually died, not intentionally I might add, and was brought back. But now ever since that day I feel responsible for everything that is happening with me and my family. My mom now has cancer, my Dad wants literally wants nothing to do with me, and my sister feels like all I do is ask her for help. My grandfather was a drunk who took his own life away. I feel that every time I turn around that I am standing in the footsteps of his path that he went down that lead him to give up.
I am seeing two different psychiatrists, all sorts of neurologists and I am ready to give up. I know that there are other people out there that have problems. Most definitely bigger and worst then mine. I understand that, I am not looking for a whoa as me type of anything. I don't know if just getting all this sh*t off of my chest might help, because it hasn't helped yet when I talk to my psych.
I am not sure of what I want but I know that I do not want this. Whatever anyone wants to call it, this can't be life. Why even have life if this is how it is going to be? If so then I have no problem giving it up for someone else, if that is how this sh*t works. It sucks to say this but when it comes to me, I have always been the glass is empty as fu*k type of guy... Now I don't even see the d*mn piece of sh*t fu*king glass anywhere. If maybe I could still see it, some stupid way I could fill it back up with the bullish*t that was in there in the first place for me to start feeling normal again.
I don't have the slightest clue what the hell is going to happen. I go from "ok" just hanging out to, I see that bottle of pills by my bed side and those could easily be gone and so would I.
I had a very traumatic event happen in my life. I actually died, not intentionally I might add, and was brought back. But now ever since that day I feel responsible for everything that is happening with me and my family. My mom now has cancer, my Dad wants literally wants nothing to do with me, and my sister feels like all I do is ask her for help. My grandfather was a drunk who took his own life away. I feel that every time I turn around that I am standing in the footsteps of his path that he went down that lead him to give up.
I am seeing two different psychiatrists, all sorts of neurologists and I am ready to give up. I know that there are other people out there that have problems. Most definitely bigger and worst then mine. I understand that, I am not looking for a whoa as me type of anything. I don't know if just getting all this sh*t off of my chest might help, because it hasn't helped yet when I talk to my psych.
I am not sure of what I want but I know that I do not want this. Whatever anyone wants to call it, this can't be life. Why even have life if this is how it is going to be? If so then I have no problem giving it up for someone else, if that is how this sh*t works. It sucks to say this but when it comes to me, I have always been the glass is empty as fu*k type of guy... Now I don't even see the d*mn piece of sh*t fu*king glass anywhere. If maybe I could still see it, some stupid way I could fill it back up with the bullish*t that was in there in the first place for me to start feeling normal again.
I don't have the slightest clue what the hell is going to happen. I go from "ok" just hanging out to, I see that bottle of pills by my bed side and those could easily be gone and so would I.
