Sufferer Stared Death In The Face During House Fire. Trapped On 2nd Floor.

[Nicki]

The fire happened over 4 years ago and I still can't sleep.
I had two choices trapped on that 2nd floor; burn alive or jump barefooted onto a plate glass table. Either way I knew I was going to die. This is hard for me so I'll stop.
I tried to commit suicide a couple years back. Feels like if I go to sleep I won't wake up but I crave sleep so desperately. The flashbacks, panic, desperation....theyre still with me like yesterday. I'm isolated and no one around me understands. I am hyper aware of my own mortality and just wish death would hurry up and take me. I'm not the same perso . Someone please help me.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

You are not alone here! I have spent MANY years wishing life was over. I've always known I could not act on those feelings, but they have been horrible!

I KNOW it's more than hard! If you aren't getting psychological help, please DO! It has brought me SO FAR! I take meds, and probably always will. I just want to be calm, and be able to think straight!

Please consider, if you haven't, starting a diary here (read about specifics). It does help to get feelings out, even if it's just in a diary.
Sometimes, people will stop by and offer encouragement and maybe valuable advice.

Blessings of peace sent your way!

 

[Nicki]

Thank you. I do take meds and go to therapy but it doesn't help. No one in my group knows what it's like to be trapped in a fire. To accept death. To emotionally and psychologically.die that day and never be the same. To lose your home, all possessions. Go to work 2 days later and later while on sick leave be fired. To entrust your money with a contractor who steals everything. To lose health insurance. Have a stroke. Lose your sanity. Your career. Your everything! I'm so angry, bitter, hopeless, resentful, tired.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum. :hug:

I'm glad you decided to join us on your healing journey.

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums :)

One thing about this place... One won't always find a lot of people with the exact same story, but man oh man oh man... There's usually a whole helluva lot of people with parts of our stories. And, one better, regardless of what brought us to PTSD to begin with? Who get better the same way. Who've done exactly the XYZ I'm doing right now, and got through it, in exactly the way I would best need to. LOL As well as people who've gotten through it in ways that would drive me mad. ;) It is ridiculously useful, the huge wealth of resources and experience, in these rooms & archives & articles.

 

[Nicki]

Ok. Thank you all.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

:hug::hug: YOU are VERY WELCOME, and SAFE to be angry, bitter, hopeless, resentful, tired. Feelings are feelings, and they are not right or wrong. They just ARE. You have a right to feel ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you feel.:hug::hug: You are accepted no matter what you feel. We are "brothers and sisters" by way of trauma.:hug::hug:

Blessings of peace sent your way! One day...someday...I pray you will find a "place of rest".
AKJ:)

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums :hug: I hope this spot helps you. It's extremely valuable as a result of the mass measure of individuals who feel comparative and understand eachother. There is a great deal of counsel and backing to be found here :) I trust this stunning group helps you as much as it helped me, reading all the similar stories, and taking in a lot of support along the way. Hugs in the event that you accept :hug:

 

[void]

Thank you. I do take meds and go to therapy but it doesn't help. No one in my group knows what it's like...

@Nicki

....but they do know(and so do we), what it is like to feel........ helpless
.......angry
......deep grief
......terrifying fear
......to beg for death
......to have no hope
......to feel all alone

open yourself to what you have in common with all of us......the cause of your pain is different but the results are the same

Be well.:hug:

 

[intothelight]

@Nicki Welcome to the forum! :)