Started Treatment And I'm Really Struggling

[leanne1321]

I suppose thats all we have, hope and determination until we eventually come out of the other side.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I like that...hope and determination. Well put! Those things I can have now if I let myself.

You know....I'm not sure I even believe that there's 'another side' for me. Most of my life has been spent in trauma re-enactment, living the shame, lies, and self-hatred heaped upon me without even *knowing* it.

I guess now I'm just hoping that my days can become less full of effort, reactions, and pain. ...and that joy and achievement, love and affirmation sometimes break through the clouds just might have to be enough for my broken brain.

Still tons better than what my life was. Even if I'll never be healed, or whole, or whatever I *could* have been had my childhood not been as it was.

I am trying not to 'wait' until I see sunlight at the end of the tunnel, but to try to notice the glimpses of light...illuminating in the darkness.

 

[leanne1321]

I know what you mean, it's pitch black where I am, but I know that if I keep moving in this direction, I'll get there. And as for healing, I don't think that you can ever be healed, obviously nothing can change whats happened, I think it's more about dealing with it and then thinking about the experience(s) in a different way. You know, instead of it taking over your life and in a way controlling you, you gain back that control and can look at what you've dealt with with pride and tell yourself that you're now a stronger person.