I'll be starting back at work next Tuesday. I'm really nervous since my first panic attack occurred at this time last year, resulting in my diagnosis. I see my T every other week, but requested to see her every week for the first month back.
I know I am a survivor, I've made it this far, I feel myself becoming better... I'm just petrified of regressing. I don't want the people or the situations that arose last year to cause my panic attacks to rear up again but I have to work. To quote one of my favorite rappers; " You don't work, you don't eat."
Or be able to pay for T, or meds, or school loans, etc....
People at work tell me I have a "reputation" because I speak out. They say it like it's a bad thing and I should be seen and not heard. All I can do is shrug at their ignorance. I am who I am and if I need to speak up I will. It's who I am. I know in my heart I do the right things, I still get slapped on the wrist for it though. It's frustrating and makes me want to scream. Instead I smile, count to 10 and start something else.
I still can't shake this fear of impending doom. I don't want to talk to my boss. I don't want to be a part of negative discussions. I don't want people to come to me to " blow off steam" or get stuff off their chests. All I want is to do my job and be left alone. Highly unlikely.
Sigh... just nerves. Maybe this year will be better. Let's hope.
I know I am a survivor, I've made it this far, I feel myself becoming better... I'm just petrified of regressing. I don't want the people or the situations that arose last year to cause my panic attacks to rear up again but I have to work. To quote one of my favorite rappers; " You don't work, you don't eat."
Or be able to pay for T, or meds, or school loans, etc....
People at work tell me I have a "reputation" because I speak out. They say it like it's a bad thing and I should be seen and not heard. All I can do is shrug at their ignorance. I am who I am and if I need to speak up I will. It's who I am. I know in my heart I do the right things, I still get slapped on the wrist for it though. It's frustrating and makes me want to scream. Instead I smile, count to 10 and start something else.
I still can't shake this fear of impending doom. I don't want to talk to my boss. I don't want to be a part of negative discussions. I don't want people to come to me to " blow off steam" or get stuff off their chests. All I want is to do my job and be left alone. Highly unlikely.
Sigh... just nerves. Maybe this year will be better. Let's hope.
