Staying Present

[Srain]

The pressure is on to stay present.

Flashbacks are slamming me but are they hitting me because it's my son's birthday and he is at odds with me due to some issues I am unaware of and cannot discuss with him for the last 14yrs? Or because I was right in the middle of a break through with my cutting ties with my mother because she once again bitch slapped me out of nowhere and it stung me more than the other times because she had really reeled me in this time? :( Or is it because my husband just got fired after 28yrs by an asshole that has literally been harassing him for the last 4yrs and now it's my turn to support him?

And I mad as hell, but I'm good at this part but where the hell am I???? I'm FLOATING IN AND OUT!! I'm lost, I'm here but not, I'm struggling to be a person, what's wrong with me?????

I check in long enough to get done what's suppose to get done but he's so use to handling stuff once I do it I just mentally leave. How's that for support? What a loser.

Can't afford to see my tdoc, she was on his plan and if we had the 300 plus dollar a week for insurance hell, who would be worried. I'll eventually figure it out but I can't right now.

 

[intothelight]

(((Rain)))

Major life changes (loss of income) are huge stressors and really PTSD is a "stress disorder" and we don't handle stress well. It is not a personal failure, it just is how and how much we can personally handle. It is part of who we are, and it isn't a character flaw, no more than we would see it that way in someone else. When the overload starts, it snowballs and everything becomes huge. So the response is fight, flight or freeze, depending upon the individual. The things you are experiencing are scary, and fear is not an abnormal response. They threaten your security.

For myself, personally, I try to identify the core or the source. Once I recognize it, I can deal with it, in some manner. I also try very hard to slow myself down and do things that are "comforting" so that my overall stress levels decline. The less stressed I am, the more manageable the thoughts and feelings. But I also have to sometimes remind myself that what is happening is stressful and there is nothing fundamentally defective about me. It is just how I am and I work with that. Taking the pressure of what I expect from myself, and what I am capable of, keeps the "self-bashing" away. Beating myself up only makes things worse, but it is probably the thing that is hardest to stop.

Hope this helps.
Debbie

 

[The Albatross]

Hold the line Rain... ITL's right it sounds like stress overload. You're not a loser, you're getting hit with a lot of stuff right now.

 

[kayak]

Hang in there, rain. I understand the struggle to stay present but...haven't figured out for myself how to beat it yet. :eek: The advice from intothelight sounds pretty good. Good luck, and hope all the crazyness in your life abates a little and you get a chance to breathe freely again.