Staying Safe In A Dissociative State

[LaurenRose]

I was wondering what others do when they are moving into a dissociative state that could become harmful.

There are times when I become emotionally flooded and the tricky bit is that there doesn't even have to be some sort of tragic trigger. Spilling my coffee could be the catalyst to send me reeling. Sometimes I am able to catch it and not just "blank out" and use the tools I have been taught to bring the anxiety levels down. Then there are the times when I "come to" and learn that I just sort of opted out of life for a bit. In these situations I am able to remove myself from the pain somewhat and therefore it is bearable.

And then there are the times when I am aware of the approaching storm and the pain is very very real. Confusion and fear and dread and bewilderment. There seems to be a sort of a "click" and I split into a corporeal self and a number of emotionally selves. The "body" me and the overwhelmed me becomes desperate to get some relief. The "warrior" me tries to find something to vent on. The wounded me huddles, terrorized. These are the times when I am truly afraid that something will happen to cause harm to either myself or to the things around me. A strategy that has worked well for me when I get hijacked like this is to go into my bathtub. No water, no light, door open because I can't be in a fully confined space. It is a "safe" space for me as the part of me that is dissociated and manic can express in a safe way. If it tries to get frenetically out of control, I have to actually get out of the tub which would allow my mind a moment to get a grip.

Am curious to know if there are other tools I could add to my belt for times like these. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

 

[OKRADLAK]

WOw.....I did go into a bathtub fully clothed once when I was totally gone.

As to what I do...I do not fight it now. I use it. To escape. I see no reason to stop, really. It is not bad. People think it is but I do not.

 

[Brontie]

jellymint,

We may be dealing with slightly different issues here. But try this. No offence meant here. I’m not making light of your situation. Believe me. I’ve been there.

I’m not sure if this will help but it worked out okay for me. Try having a conversation with those emotional parts of yourself. Ask for them to try to work together in order to keep you safe if and when you are ‘out of it’. Perhaps you can work out some compromises. The whole self works to keep you safe and in return… the ice cream is on you.

 

[mohsen]

Hi,

I think these tools and strategies just send incompatible materials into unconscious. Whereas repression maintains psychic material in the dynamic unconscious, dissociation preserves and suspends it in an array of parallel self-states and parallel fragments of consciousness, and they in turn can be multidimensionally sequestered, amplified, elaborated, and personified by a variety of fantasy operations.

What Brontie has been said is true, and it's not just a tool and af far as I know it's applied to the patient with MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER or DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER in a process that is called "PSYCHOLOGICAL INTEGRATION". The process during which all alter-personalities, including the "reformed persecutors," are accepted into the Original Personality as her character traits.

A note about persecutors :These alter-personalities are designed to accept, hold, process and express forbidden negative emotions. They commonly make themselves as clones of the abuser, using the defense mechanism of "identification with the aggressor." (If one is the abuser, then one cannot be killed by that abuser.) The Persecutors require most of the reconstructive therapy time, so that they can be neutralized and integrated with the Original Personality.

So if you've ever been in an abusive relationship or cult, or ...you may want to consider this option.

 

[Ian Vp]

Jellymint, I can only comment on retreating into a dissociative state as a means to cope with what is happening in my head. I mananged to stay at work and experience more traumatic experiences and scenes which my mind in turn dissociated all of my feelings from my opertational capacities. Do not take what I am saying as anything other than smoeone who was experienced trauma over more than a decade. Dissociation enabled me to keep going for a long time and was a useful tool with which my mind tricked my body in keeping to function. That was the somewhat positive. I am now an inpatient in hospital trying to sort out all my dissociation from life. What was a coping mechanism could only last so long and I used it until my mind could tolerate it no longer and now I am paying the price. From what I am learing now it is natural to dissociate froma traumatic experience at the time of it happening but then it has to be dealt with in some way. I can appreciate exactly where you are and wish you all the best in healing yourself. That part I havent figured out yet and I am still i the eye of the storm but I know you cannot dissociate from your feelings forever. I am in that hyper vigilent place at the moment and a confined quiet place works for me too, but I am now having to come out and deal with things bit by bit and it is a slow process. Best of luck to you jellymint.

 

[perfecttopink]

I used to disassociate when I went to therapy. My therapist would get me out of it by chomping her gum really loud. It was odd but it some how brought me back. She told me that I had cussed her out and ripped her tissue box to shreds. I did not know what to say when she told me this. But I did have the tissue box torn apart an my lap. For me it is like my brain has a switch and it turned off the adult me and let the angry inner child out.

 

[LaurenRose]

Try having a conversation with those emotional parts of yourself. Ask for them to try to work together in order to keep you safe if and when you are ‘out of it’. Perhaps you can work out some compromises. The whole self works to keep you safe and in return… the ice cream is on you.

Thank you for sharing Brontie. I actually do have conversations with my emotional parts and my physical parts too. I am getting so much better at it. When I hit that wall where I either don't have the ability or the parts aren't really interested what I have to say. Thanks the gods that those insane moments are becoming less and less frequent.

A note about persecutors :These alter-personalities are designed to accept, hold, process and express forbidden negative emotions. They commonly make themselves as clones of the abuser, using the defense mechanism of "identification with the aggressor." (If one is the abuser, then one cannot be killed by that abuser.) The Persecutors require most of the reconstructive therapy time, so that they can be neutralized and integrated with the Original Personality.

Thank you mohsen! I haven't heard this line of thinking before. I do understand integration of the many back into the cohesive one, having a diagnosis of both PTSD and DID. I haven't heard the term "persecutor personalities" and am looking forward to finding some new language to enhance the work I am doing with my trauma psychologist. I have also never thought of them as clones. Always sort of thought of them as some sort of twisted aspect of my own psyche. Clones fits somehow. I really appreciate you thoughts, have been very helpful, thank you.

Jellymint, I can only comment on retreating into a dissociative state as a means to cope with what is happening in my head.
Dissociation enabled me to keep going for a long time and was a useful tool with which my mind tricked my body in keeping to function.
That part I havent figured out yet and I am still i the eye of the storm but I know you cannot dissociate from your feelings forever. I am in that hyper vigilent place at the moment and a confined quiet place works for me too, but I am now having to come out and deal with things bit by bit and it is a slow process.

Thank you Ian. It is so helpful for me to hear that others are experiencing the same thing as me and are in the same struggle to punch through into something different. I think one of the hardest things is knowing what the problem is, but being incapacitated to change it because my intellect says it should be changed. My emotions still do a "F" you. I am glad to hear you are getting the focused help for dissociation. I fully agree that this coping mechanism is not a long term solution and that the damage it can inflict if left untreated is enormous. I am also in that space in my healing where it has raised its head and said "Pick Me Now." My hope for you, for me, is that we not only move further into knowing who we are and how we fit, but that we maintain an awareness that progress is indeed happening. Best of luck to you too Ian.

I used to disassociate when I went to therapy. My therapist would get me out of it by chomping her gum really loud. It was odd but it some how brought me back. She told me that I had cussed her out and ripped her tissue box to shreds. I did not know what to say when she told me this. But I did have the tissue box torn apart an my lap. For me it is like my brain has a switch and it turned off the adult me and let the angry inner child out.

I still find that so distressing, when I "come to" and find evidence of behaviour outside of my remembering. Thankfull it has only really happened out in the world in a safe place... errr I think it has - hmmmm. I love the idea of finding something solid that can be used to zip one back into the reality of this world. Snapping gum is perfect. I am going to talk to both my counselor and my psychologist and experiment with different things that can help me come back into myself more quickly. Thanks for sharing your experience!!

 

[OKRADLAK]

I am pretty sure I do not have DID because I do not lose time. But I do disassociate. And I have a constant barrage of voices in my head. There was one at first telling me I suck, then another started to talk back to it. It told the first voice to F off. That helped. But it took YEARS before that second voice came a long. :eek:

 

[intothelight]

It is interesting to read here about "losing time". It used to scare me when that happened before I understood what it was. I have been fortunate, as there are not really any strange behaviors, just a form of autopilot. My family and close friends can recognize when I am in that state due to a flat affect.

When I feel threatened, the disassociation is involuntary. But there are times I can do it voluntarily and it almost seems like a form of self-hypnosis. This may not be the correct term, but it something is too emotionally or physically painful, I can voluntarily disconnect the "feelings".

I never felt as though I had alters, but there is a disconnect between memories and emotions. It is hard not to voluntarily disassociate sometimes. Working on staying in the present, even when it is uncomfortable.

There seems to be a broad spectrum as to the degrees of disassociation.

 

[Brontie]

Thank you for sharing Brontie. I actually do have conversations with my emotional parts and my physical parts too. I am getting so much better at it. When I hit that wall where I either don't have the ability or the parts aren't really interested what I have to say. Thanks the gods that those insane moments are becoming less and less frequent.

I read this somewhere.

When you come up against a brick wall don’t let it stop you - buy a sledge hammer and knock it down!!!!

 

[BrazenBull]

Usually when people snap me out of it, they ask me why I'm clenching my bag so hard, or shaking uncontrollably. Sometimes I also like to have conversations with my emotional parts, usually when I'm feeling unwanted or lonley, but if I was really hurt, and screamed at by a family member because "I'm being ungrateful and/or impossible to deal with" then I would really just be ... empty, nothing goes through my mind,I cant feel anything, I cant hear anything, I cant see anything as if I was catatonic.

Wait is that a symptom of PTSD? the catatonic state usually lasts till I've calmed down a little or in in an environment where my hyperarousal wont let my mind carry me off, like at the mall (I f*cking hate malls btw), or at school.

 

[AzureMind]

Staying grounded by focusing on helpful/positive stimuli does help. I use dissociation when I feel threatened or overwhelmed (which in the case of those who chronically dissociate is common knowledge lol :)) and when I'm feeling something I don't want to....it helps me right now because I'm in a situation I can't seem to get away from....I I love it, but sometimes it sucks because I tell myself all these things that reinforce my desire to dissociate, and so I do...right now, I just focus on the things I like and I go from there.....I don't remember HALF of my life (ages 1-11) so I've in a sense been recreated, and I try to take my opportunities to interact with others so that I can learn about this "new" me....i often times feel like a stranger to myself, but I try to do things as much as possible to learn if I like them or not, and if they're worth staying "in the moment" for.