Stigma Surrounding Mental Illness

[patrish]

Amethist, I see you edited, couldn't open message, just wondering what I did wrong?

 

[amethist]

Hi patrish

It was because you posted a link to an external web site. This is not allowed to be done by any of us.

For some reason you pm mode is switched off, which is why you could not open the message.

Hope that explains it for you.

Amethist

 

[Auburngirl]

Like TLight I've found that stigmatising myself is a struggle, in my case the greatest struggle. When I've let other people know they've generally been pretty great- or tried to be (often people have no idea what to do).

I have the greatest respect for the medical system now, my GP and especially psychiatrist have been fantastic and treated me like a competent, intelligent human who happens to be dealing with some challenging stuff.

Telling my mum was pretty stressful, and intially she tried to dismiss what was happening "everyone gets anxious," but she's been supportive and not invasive (not asking me questions), and now I can sleep at the sometimes weird times I need to without having to justify myself when I visit.

The hardest have been romantic partners- none of them have reacted horribly, and to give them credit they've all tried. But- finding the balance between them not really understanding that things like me getting to bed early are REALLY REALLY important, or advising me "just don't think about it" (meant kindly, but frustrating), and them taking it really really really seriously, where they're afraid that they'll break me, is tough. I hate the 'tragic eyes' look. I don't see myself as a horrific bundle of wounds, and I don't want to be treated that way. But, I do have symptoms that I need to explain before they happen (because I can't speak or communicate when I dissociate severely) so figuring out that balance is still tricky. I don't know if that counts as stigma or not, but I definitely always fear telling, and don't want to be seen as damaged, or as someone "with baggage" or "issues." At least I know what I'm dealing with.

While individually people in my life have been clear that they still respect me, and don't think less of me knowing what I live with (and in some cases that they think more highly of me), the random comments from people who don't know, or forget still get me. For example, a friend recently was saying that dating someone with a mental illness is clearly a no-no. It's the stuff like that that people say, and I think - and generally don't say - do you realise you're talking about me?

I'm sure if I challenged them they'd say "no, not you, of course not, but these other people, people who aren't getting treated, or who have schizophrenia, or , or." Sometimes I'm tempted to get a t-shirt that says "this is what crazy looks like" (playing on the feminist t-shirt). To say- I am "one of those people" that you talk about as though I'm not in the room. And I'm not dangerous, and I'm well-educated, and I'm pretty, and I come from a good family, and I grew up in the suburbs, and I'm SOMEONE YOU KNOW. Maybe that's what's so threatening, I'm not who they think they're talking about. I never thought this would happen to me, but it did, and it could happen to you. And, in a nutshell, that's pretty threatening.

 

[patrish]

Auburngirl, I can relate to the respect you have for your care providers, not to mention, where would I be without them?

I keep reminding myself to try not to take it to heart when people say the wrong things because I can remember, before my symptoms became debilitating and before I was diagnosed, I was ignorant about mental illness myself.

I also constantly try to remind myself that peoples reactions and comments are more an issue of their own agenda's rather than a reflection on myself.

As far as romantic relationships go, I don't push it. When the time and the person is right, it will happen. I need my care givers right now more than I need a romantic partner. I actually feel that trying to force a romantic relationship right now would just be more overwhelming and confusing than good for me.

The tshirt thing made me laugh, my favorites are the one that say's, "I only do what my rice crispies tell me to" and "My imaginary friends don't like you".

 

[Jagged Angel]

I just find that people close to me ignore it: basically they don't ever ask me how I am, or anything that's personal. I think that may be because they don't want to hear the answer. I also think that they don't understand PTSD and they think that if they play the ostrich, then it doesn't exist. I get asked about my studies, my house, my dog, my partner, my car, but rarely about me.

I don't tend to tell people unless it is absolutely necessary. This is not because of any stigma or any caring on my part about what people will think, but more to do with 'it's none of their business'.

 

[Auburngirl]

Hi Patrish,

I am actually in a place where I think I'm well enough (and my doctor concurs) and want to be pursuing a romantic relationship. I think on some levels there are some things I can only work through in that context, as well. I'm getting better, and the mandatory awkward conversation.

I agree with Jagged Angel, only people close to me know, it isn't anyone's business but my own, and out of respect I try to tell people who are likely to see me when I'm sick so that they will have some advance warning. But to some extent, I guess I feel some stigma in not telling. Other people can say "I didn't get much done this week because I had the flu," to be able to give a similar quick explanation without a huge amount of fall-out would sometimes be nice.

 

[patrish]

Jagged Angel, totally relate to the" it's none of your business."

This is the very reason that I do not like to participate in peer support groups. While I am aware that I would probably gain insight on one or two issues at a group meeting, that is way overshadowed by the fact that I have no desire to reveal my personal issues to a group of lay people and strangers.

I find that the advice offerred up at group meetings such as "give it up to your higher power and why don't you just go see a movie and relax? are very minimizing and unhelpful. I always left these types of meetings worse off than when i got there.

I am way better off sticking with my therapist and psychiatrist because they are educated and trained to know the right thing to say and also to be able to point me in the right direction.

I view my weekly therapy sessions sort of like a pit stop in a car race.
By the time I get there, I need to refill the fuel tank, get rid of worn out tires and be pushed off in the right direction again.

 

[OMNICELL]

The two worst phrases in the world. " your Crazy" and, "Theirs nothing wrong with you, as fare as I can tell" Both incorrect, because the viewer really doesn't care or want to know anything about me. Its always about them.

Their are times I get nothing but labels. Even, over-positive labels. meaning, those that put me on a pedestal because of perceived intelligence or talents. Either way. The whole thing is incorrect. Simply, they just dont want to know me. If they did. They would.

I personally hate having to "hang" around people just to get enough attention. I have agoraphobia. One more side effect of my dissociative disorder. It leaves me wanting to get out of my apartment. yet, the people I end up around, are not my kind of people. Yet, "Their People", so its better not to be alone. yet, I feel so isolated around them.

Things are getting better as I get better.

 

[Marlene]

I've told people I thought I could trust about my PTSD (former boss and friends) and it bit me in the ass. Yes, mental illness is still stigmatized. My boss threatened to terminate me if I spoke of 'my problem' again. I've had friend totally desert me when I needed them the most because they didn't like the way I had changed. I had one tell me 'when PTSD is no longer in your life, I'll be your friend again'.

The stigma, IMO, is because people think others are so normal (just like them) and when they find out they have mental health problems they act like it's contageous. It's changed a little, but not enough. It used to be that people that had seizures were thought to be retarded and people kept their children away from them...like they were contageous or something. Those types of things have changed, maybe this stigma will change, too. One day.

Lisa