Sufferer Still Battling The Demons

[darrenS]

Hi im new here ,

ive been dealing with my ptsd since it was diagnosed 4 yrs ago , and feeling like i am having no success at all, my marriage is on the rocks, we live seperately , due to 4 employment to different states moves in as many years with my wifes job, ive all but lost my business and much more and am now living in a city i wouldnt usually pick as a place to live. My PTSD has been going out of control , with self medication the only thing keeping some semblance of normalcy.The last move precipatated a sort of breakdown, i couldnt face trying to meet new people again, to have to build the necessary things to exist. I have had therapy continously but the last 12mths have been nothing short of a nightmare, there is so much going on , i just want to hide but i know i cant , i have to fight this

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi Darren & welcome to the forum!

I am so sorry that you're struggling so much right now. I know that with PTSD stability is very important, and I can understand how moving so often would have a negative effect on you. Are you seeing a psychiatrist or taking any medication right now? I am a bit worried as self-medicating can help in the moment (at times), but unfortunately can make things worse in the long run.

 

[darrenS]

I did have a phsyc but the meds would make me far worse , so all i do is therapy , im also on pain meds and have to be very careful , yes im aware to much of self medication can create larger problems, i now somehow have to find work on top of every thing else , but i will succeed, thanks for your response i appreciate it

 

[amrap]

Good luck in succeeding and medicate safely.

 

[nursenurse]

Go easy on yourself. Look at what you have been through in the past while. You would have to be a rockfrom Stone Henge to withstand everything. You need some help for yourself, you need some roots and stability. What you have just described would make my stress cup overflow and more, and I am not PTSD.

What is important to you? To your wife? To you together? It looks like you said you work in four different states. A marriage already fraught with stress will not survive this. You may just need some you time, you can't find a decent therapist if you are moving every 30 second. It doesn't seem healthy for you. And if you don't stop, take a deep breath, and think of what will give your life value, what will help you to live, not exist, then you will become a stat. You and the Missus need a heart to heart in front of a counsellor, maybe, but slow down and live. Refuse to just exist. Good luck. But remember to love yourself first.

 

[darrenS]

thnaks so much for the supportive comments , actually we made 4 moves in 4 years , buying and selling a house eact time and trying to set roots only for her to decide she wasnt happy in one job and needed to move . We are already seperated and have been to counselling , sadly it ends up a beating session as she refuses to understand ptsd. I decided on the seperation , i just could not function anymore . I know i will get better and as you say just need to take it easy..i do have some good days and im sure with work they will multiply. again thanks for your supportive advice

 

[intothelight]

@darrenS

Personally, I believe that relationships are as healthy as the people that are in them. Take some time to focus on yourself and perhaps your wife can also take this time to address the issues she struggles with. Maybe couples therapy would be more effective a little later after you both have had some time to deal with your own struggles individually.

 

[darrenS]

Thanks for your post Into the Light , i was the one who actually ended the relationship as i seen my PTSD had created a climate of stress and fear and all interactions seemed to have PTSD overtones. Its been incredibly difficult , every time i go to see my kids or have any interaction with my wife , i have flashbacks and find it incredibly difficult to stop them. I am in therapy with a new therapist but just dont seem to be going forward , my wife did suggest couples therapy which we have tried before , but i cannot control the trauma thoughts that arise when we try and start flashing back all over the place. Im trying to stop medications as i am using them to kill the emotional pain and blunt the flashbacks - i have accepted that i have inflicted to much damage on the relationship for it to ever recover - i have emotional flashbacks and become detached and abusive (verbally) and would not wish this on my worst enemy