Relationship Still Can't Wrap My Head Around It

[LostOne83]

It's been almost 5 weeks and I still don't understand and can't wrap my head around why he can talk to everyone else but he can't/won't talk to me. I know they say they push away the person that is closest to them but I still can not understand it and it's hurting so much.

 

[Fated Shadow]

The only reason I talk to my fiance about my past and issues with PTSD is because it involved her sister dying. If it was not for that I would not talk to her much about it. She means the world to me and I would never want her to look at me different. Sometimes its harder to talk to the one you love because you never want them to look at you different.

 

[LostOne83]

It's not just about his PTSD it's just like everyday talking like texting each other that he can freely talk to everyone else but like pulling teeth trying to talk to me. I don't know if it's because he knows I can see through him if he's pretending to be ok or what but it's just frustrating.

Or if it's because he's opened up to me so much and told me so many things that's he never told anyone that he thinks that I look at him differently but I don't. I constantly tell him I love him and miss him and I don't treat him any different.

 

[arfie]

Five weeks is just a drop in the proverbial PTSD bucket, LostOne. It is not a race or an academic syllabus that runs on a pre-determined schedule. Give IT time and give him trust. Opening up too fast can be mind-ripping.

 

[LostOne83]

I understand that but I just figured when we decided on taking the break in our relationship that he could just look at me as a friend and just be able to talk to me on that level. I don't expect him to talk about our relationship status or anything like that because I know it's too early. I just thought he'd be able to fill me in on just his everyday activities.

 

[LilBit]

I know how you feel, LostOne83. It is so frustrating and hurtful when they shut you out totally. Hard to understand why simple yes/no, just factual stuff, or just being part of what is going on with him/her at all is so hard when they can do it with others, just not YOU.

 

[abs_21]

In exactly the same situation, partner shut down and isolated 3 months ago, I am the only person he has talked to about his PTSD and Bi polar in 6 years. For he first few weeks we had no contact at all. He was telling his friends that he is fine when I knew that he wasn't as I had seen this behaviour before. He was fine infront of his friends and at work but then I would get messages from him that suggested he was struggling mentally. He had completely retreated into his cave. This hurt me so much as we have been through so much together and he just cut me off.

Slowly but surely he has started to come back, we have now been exchanging texts and the occasion al phone calls and meeting up. We went away for the weekend a few weeks ago and we are going away tomorrow for 4 days. He still cant talk about us or our relationship status but when we are together its like nothing has happened.

Whether it was right or wrong I refused to let him go into his "cave" alone and stayed close by with support but at a distance. It hurt as from the outside it looked like he was getting on with his life without me and I sometimes thought that I was imagining the illness and that he was fine. But I know that's not the case. Hoping this weekend, away from the town we live, friends and family will allow us to rekindle the relationship x

 

[LilBit]

I know how you feel, LostOne83. It is so frustrating and hurtful when they shut you out totally. Hard to understand why simple yes/no, just factual stuff, or just being part of what is going on with him/her at all is so hard when they can do it with others, just not YOU.

 

[NovemberStar]

Having a break usually means having a BREAK - in my opinion anyway. If he was still in contact with you even 'as friends' can't you see that that would not be 'having a break'?

He might be keeping his distance because he feels he revealed too much too soon; he might feel over exposed and incredibly vulnerable. It might be he needs a chance to reevaluate the relationship you have and yes, as hard as it is, it might mean he decides he doesn't want a relationship with you (or anyone).

I understand it will be very painful, but I really hope you DO respect his space and don't txt or call him, or go to see him. When under a lot of stress due to PTSD, it can feel we are under TREMENDOUS pressure, and not giving him space is only likely to result in him running faster in the other direction - and / or him resenting you for 'pressuring' him.

I think the old edge "if you love something, set if free, if it comes back to you it's yours; if it doesn't, it was never meant to be" applies here.

 

[Princessxx]

I have been dealing with the same thing for a month now. My bf chose to isolate himself from only me and it hurts. I know exactly how you feel!

I still get depressed and cry sometimes but I'm trying really hard to be strong not only for me but for us.

In my heart, I know that he loves me and he will be back as soon as he is ready.

I just pray that it's soon.

 

[LostOne83]

Yes I understand the taking a break but sometimes he texts me first too so it's not just me who is always texting him. Luckily I can't see him because we are 1500 miles apart right now.

 

[LostOne83]

This week has actually been ok. I feel like he is telling me more. He's telling me more about his job and actually sending me pics of what he is working on that day. If I talk to him he'll tell me if he got home from the gym or what he is doing. I'm hoping that this slowly continues to go in the right direction.