Still Fighting After All These Years

[LosFrida]

I just found this forum tonight and joined hoping to find support and information. Judging by what I've read so far I seem to be in the right place.

I have lived with PTSD for most of my life, though only recognized it as such in my early 20's. From the age of 3 until I was 8, my grandmother's boyfriend sexually abused me. He began traffficking me at age 5. I was molested on 2 occasions at age 11, raped when I was 15, and gang raped at 16.

I entered therapy when I was 22 and worked my ass off. So it's with no small amount of frustration that I sit here still dealing with symptoms. While I have been fortunate in some regards (my PTSD symptoms have never been so debilitating I couldn't work, for example). Yet at the same time I still have flashbacks and extremely intrusive thoughts.

It's not as though I'm naive enough to believe that a year or 2 of therapy would magically fix things. But I know I made alot of progress. My demeanor, self-image, etc, are positively night and day if I comapre now to how I was before entering therapy. So why is this crap still intruding on the same extreme level?

I apologise if this is a bit scattered.

Thank you for reading.

 

[Kunoichi]

LosFrida,

you are not alone and you are still recovering. Even at the level you consider extreme, its still processing and working through it. Unfortunately, this crap last forever it seems.

see you in the forum

Kunoichi

 

[midi]

Welcome to the forum! Like you, I was familiar early on with sexual abuse. It means that PTSD has wired our brains from an early age. To overcome it, lots of work, self-acceptance, and perseverance are needed. Hang in there, we're here for you!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Welcome to the forum...

The fact that PTSD is not curable is the reason that you are probably still dealing with symptoms. Something can trigger you and boom, welcome to the land of PTSD again. Living symptom free is usually because of either you have stuffed everything, or you have dealt with your trauma, and your symptoms have diminished.

I have been back to work for many years after dealing with my trauma, and I am high functioning, but still have symptoms from time to time. Issues, I still have them, and they creep up when I least expect them....

Keep up the good work on your healing and possibly a tune up in therapy may benefit you at this time......

 

[Perdido]

Welcome to the forum! You're right, PTSD stalks and stalks. I'm in my 20th year and haven't shaken it.

Like you, counseling relieved many of the symptoms early on. In fact, I had a breakthrough seven years to the day of the incident (a friend shot himself at my house) that sent me down the path of PTSD. It was as if a veil or filter had been lifted, and I could actually see colors and detail that my mind was too clouded to see in the previous years.

But that was 13 years ago, and despite the progress at the seven year mark, I have slipped back into some of the dark chambers of this horrifying illness. So, I'm headed to counseling again. And I should have gone earlier, but (rant coming) the damn insurance companies and policy leaders are in bed with one another and don't feel like mental health is a right in the United States of America.

Anyhoo, best of luck to you. It's helpful to me simply being able to identify with others. PTSD may still be trailing me, but little by little and day by day, I'm going to beat this.

 

[cuddleme1]

:hello:I guess a lot of us where sexually abused. I thought for awhile there that it was just what had happened to me this year-which has been the worst year of my life. When I get those intrusive thoughts, I think of funny things. It seems to work for me. I am sorry you have to be here with us, but I am glad you know how much you are not alone.

 

[LosFrida]

Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome.

She Cat, I was not aware that PTSD wsas incurable, so thank you for doing away with that little illusion:).

I appreciate what everyone said and will definately take it into consideration.

Again, thank you.

 

[Mercy]

Hi, LosFrida,:hello:

Welcome to the forum. You will find lots of people who can be here for you. I was traffiked too. Things that happen to us when we are so young and powerless makes it a very long long road of relearning the things we never got. Maybe there is a way to deflect your intrusive thoughts.

Maybe you will find the diary section of the site helpful. Trying to write things out helps- but when you are ready. There is no need to go faster than what you are comfortable with and at your own personal pace.

 

[goingonhope]

:hello:Glad you've found this forum LosFrida & Welcome!