Other Stockholm syndrome and ptsd

[Anarchy]

<dislike>
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Edit:
sorry shimmerz, :sorry: I posted without refreshing the page. the dislike was to Eve's comment. I didn't see your post until now (45 minutes too late).:sorry::sorry::sorry::hug:

hugs and huge apologies for any distress that I have caused you

 

[Deleted member 12723]

:hug:

 

[Anarchy]

Sent you a flea
:hug:

 

[joeylittle]

do we need to start this all over again?

No, it's not necessary. @EveHarrington has been thread-banned.

 

[Anarchy]

@shimmerz,
sorry, :sorry:I didn't see that you had posted before I pressed post
I was disliking Eve's post, not yours.

sorry for the confusion and hurt
:hug:

 

[shimmerz]

Thanks JL. I do appreciate that.

@Anarchy, I saw your posting and went 'what????'. lol. And BTW, is sending me a flea a good thing or a bad thing? Just askin..... :cool:

Anyway, I realized that since I had reported my post because I wasn't sure whether to reply to the other posting or not, that my post had been made invisible. lol.

It's been quite an afternoon. :wacky:

 

[riverbrook]

(((((((((@riverbrook))))))))

I am so sorry that you are struggling so.

Thanks. I'm new to the forum. Found it by accident. I bet you I was trying to avoid it for a while. The things that good about this site. There are tons of threads and experiences on PTSD. I find out something new every time I read.

I want to be strong. Stop relating to my kidnapper. I do it accidentally. I've also had hypervigellence (spelling issues oh well) that I didn't know about. I figured this out last night, with the help of God.

I thought hypervigellence was something else.

I percieve threats after kidnapping.

I realized something about hypervigellence. Before I was kidnapped. If something happened that I didn't like. Like my girlfriend talking to another guy.

Pre PTSD I would always leave an option not worry about something. Or to only tell people I could trust.

With PTSD. I realized that my hypervigellence causes me to tell complete strangers about some sort of threat. They don't like that. They yell at me, or re traumatize me with rage. Ex. I told my boss about a coworker gossiping about me.

My boss was none too happy. He not only fired me, he said horrible things about me. And noticed hypervigellence.

This is not good.

It's the worst.

 

[Ronin]

Hi @riverbrook, glad you come to us.

You say you have issue with telling people of threats you are aware of and that are not threatening in their opinion, and their reaction.

Would it be possible to consider more who you tell, as in look out for people who are likely to notice similar things, and as such be appreciative of being told instead of dismissing you? Or tell people where there is likely to be a larger discussion IF a thing is a threat or not, instead of being told off?

 

[riverbrook]

Hi @riverbrook, glad you come to us.

You say you have issue with telling people of th...

It's ok. Actually. The point was. I didn't know that I was doing it. Hypervigellence I realized is like this. All people know about protecting themselves say if they are leaving work at night. Sure many people go out to their car with other co workers.

I do all those things. It's interesting. My hypervigellence starts by accident days before.

Like other people something triggers it. Ex. I'm alone at home. A car drives by with the headlghts shining into the house window. It scares me.

When I was kidnapped I was very scared.

It rarely happens. Once every couple of months someone might name call me. Ex. Stupid.

I tell a boss. They hate me for it.

What I realized. That before I had PTSD, I would have thought "Naw don't tell anyone. Just let it go. "

In essence. That's one way hypervigellence works. The brain says yeah I'll look for threats to protect you.

But you know it's hypervigellence because the kidnapping causes me fear. That fear remains.

Thank you anyways. That was very nice of you.

 

[shimmerz]

Would it be possible to consider more who you tell, as in look out for people who are likely to notice similar things, and as such be appreciative of being told instead of dismissing you?

Or even write it down - like journal - mull it over and if you have a good friend to share it with, a trusted person as Cashew mentioned, maybe run it by them?

It almost sounds like you are needing to run it by someone because you may be uncertain of your own reaction to the threat maybe????

I am so very sorry that on top of what happened to you, you lost your job. It just really isn't right, is it.

 

[Hope4Now]

@riverbrook:( so sorry you are experiencing so much suffering.

 

[Hope4Now]

It's apropos that this thread suddenly got reinvigorated. I have been thinking about SS a lot lately. (And I think, whatever you call it, SS is apropos to early childhood abuse). Because so much of it has to do with shame for not fleeing to protect myself. Not that I could as a child, but when I was a little older... I didn't "flee" until college, and even then I never really fled. Or even fought. I just evaporated myself and became what they wanted me to be, thinking things would get better eventually. They never did. What happened was that I split into parts, and I pretty much lived the part that was attached to my abusers for most of my adult life. Now I'm feeling the shame of that. The shame of not having clearly seen that there might have been a way out, a way to healing much earlier. Mine apparently had to wait until they were dead.

But the kicker is, that I developed parts that have picked up where my parents left off, and my parts abuse me just as badly--maybe worse--than they ever did. So now I am a prisoner of my own selves. And it really sucks. Of course I'm not a prisoner in the "real" outside world. Just the inside world. It's different from being held at gun or knife point by another person. But the situation is similar. Not sure any of this is making much sense. Just having a rough time of it these past days.