Stockholm Syndrome : Hopeless Now

[Dissociation]

I have been able to find some hope somewhere all of my life, but I can't now.
Maybe it is because my brain is working a little better and I am seeing more things.

I have no defenses, anyone can do me anything, I don' t realize when someone is willing to use me or to hurt me. I only see it when he/she has already damaged me and, in that moment, I begin to feel love and simpathy for that person and I only want to be loved and considered as a friend by him/her.

This happens again and again since always and every time I feel so bad, as eaten alive.

I have tried every thing all of my life and this situation has not improved.

I am hopeless now.

 

[Spiderallis]

I know all too well what you mean. It's been a struggle for me find a sense of purpose; how can I be useful without being used?

I've got no idea how to work on it- personally I've gone into isolation to avoid that closeness, but it's not healthy. Boundaries are part of it, and it's hard to set boundaries without a sense of self-worth. Finding value in oneself would be a first step towards that, but it seems like there's something before that which I'm missing. Sorry that I can't be more helpful, but maybe one of the other forum members has figured out how to work through this sort of thing.

 

[Finding Shawna]

I know all too well what you mean. It's been a struggle for me find a sense of purpose; how can I be useful without being used?

Ditto!
What helps me sometimes is thinking about the one positive of the day and focusing on that. What sort of made you smile? The one person who keeps you grounded (my son for me)
Dissasociation and Spiderallis...I hope you have a good day. Wishing you well!

 

[HealingandDealing]

I completely understand. Before I started therapy I let everyone walk all over me. I wore myself down doing everything for everyone because I felt like if I said "no" I was a bad person and I just put everyone in my life above myself. Just recently did I decide....I'm just going to say "no". It was hard at first and I totally over compensated for the years that I had no boundaries and said no maybe a little too much but if I didn't want to the answer was no and if I didn't like what you said to me or about me or treated me, I cut you off. Not saying that is the best idea ever but it was fun haha. Now I am more balanced with my boundaries.

Try this: Sit down and journal about what people do that makes you feel good and what people do that makes you feel bad, even things that you do that make you feel good and bad. Let those be your beginning boundaries. You don't like feeling sad so you won't say yes to things that make you sad. Like I said it is hard at first because you are finding your worth through others and through yourself. I hope this helps...know that with work you will get better and defining people who love you and those that are using you, for us who have been abused by those we thought loved us that line is really hard to un-blurr.

 

[ms spock]

I keep repeating this pattern.

 

[Abstract]

Me too.

I have spent extraordinary amounts of energy on changing this and when I am thinking more clearly I realise it has improved significantly (it took about 5 years of solid work everyday to get somewhere) but I still catch myself travelling a fair way down that old road and that is extremely disturbing.

 

[ms spock]

I still catch myself travelling a fair way down that old road and that is extremely disturbing.

Me too Abstract...

 

[ms spock]

for us who have been abused by those we thought loved us that line is really hard to un-blurr.

It is a really hard line to unblur.

 

[Dissociation]

Thanks everybody!

I will try journalism for sure! And also to say more NOs ;)

Thank you very very much!!!