Stop Freezing - How to Speak up

[Deanna]

Thank you @Freida I think that's a great idea! And he and I like teamwork so it's even better :)

What team member leaves bruises on the other team member?

Know I butted it... But you did ask. Good luck anyway.

 

[EveHarrington]

....I guess my mind is blown at the idea that you actually have to ASK someone to not physically harm you. Shouldn’t this be a given?

I’m taking it that he doesn’t notice when you freeze? I don’t think he’s all that in tune with you and your needs. It’s not really all that hard to notice if your partner is present or not during sex IF you’re a pleaser and not a selfish/taker in the sexual realm. Pleasers are more in tune with their partners well being during sex while takers are only concerned with themselves getting off. This has been the main difference in partners being in tune with me and my sexual needs.

 

[bigstrongtree]

I am a freezer as well. I would maybe try and add more talking to the Love making. Dirty talk and/or whatever else so you are used to communicating so maybe it wouldn’t feel so hard to speak up when you want things differently. I have worked on asking for what I want. But that being said I still freeze sometimes or end up in tears in a flashback and then we are done with sex for the evening. But I can totally relate and like the idea that someone said of using a gesture.

 

[Jewelz742200]

I hope I can say this right so you all can understand where I'm coming from. I'm still working through it, but I consider myself to be a compliant victim. I froze every single time. I never said no, I never said stop. I still don't. I'm in a good, healthy relationship. There is no abuse. However, sometimes during sex I get hurt. I promise it's an accident.

All I need to do is say, "ouch" or "that hurts" ...anything. Cringe, flinch...literally anything. I can't though. I freeze every time. Only it's still happening and it's triggering me and causing yet more problems.

Has anyone else had this problem? How do you change your default reaction?

I too freeze I have trouble telling my girlfriend what I need/want. The next thing I know I pick a stupid fight

 

[Abstract]

I totally get the freezing being about being triggered and old patterns and nothing to do with the present. All will say is that programmed responses of all types can change with practice. You can get there.