Sufferer Streetdoc Intro

[Streetdoc]

I had been suicidal for approximately two years, progressive getting worse until I finally notified my Supervisors in May 2015. I believed it to be occupationally related. I saw our Mental Health Coordinator and the Doctor in OHC, no help was received, the doctors only real concern was how much sick leave did I have and would my Health Care Ins. cover evaluations and treatment. This increased what I was experiencing. The symptoms became so severe that I was preparing to hang myself in the hose drying tower at the fire station. The other time I was going to put at least two IV's in me and just let my blood draining out. Both times I became this bad I finally recognized what I was doing and went home from work on sick leave. Everywhere I go, I see reminders of severe medical calls and trauma events caused deaths. I was the officer in charge of an advanced care Ambulance (Medic Unit) since Sept 2003. I was responsible for all care and treatment on my Medic Unit, if a death was involved and family was present, I would do the notification to the family and confirmation of death to Law Enforcement. I believe and my Psychiatrist recommends that I completely get away from this area and to stop doing anything fire or EMS related. Being a Paramedic is the only type of job that I have done since retiring from the Marine Corps in June 1995. I was never in combat while in the Marines.

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome! Studies estimate that 22 percent of first responders meet the ctiteria for a PTSD diagnosis, and it is concerning to read that your workplace has handled it so badly.

Glad you are here!

 

[Virtues]

Welcome to the forum Streetdoc! I am also a retired Marine and a retired firefighter. If you ever need someone to talk to please PM me. I feel like I might understand some of what it is that you are going through and I'd really like to see you hang in there for the long haul. If there is anything I can do to help you please let me know brother! You're not in this fight alone anymore.

 

[Ka-9]

Welcome here- you're in good company.

Just in case it helps... I knew something was wrong as well, and the initial round of trying to get help was ridiculous, like stunningly so. But if you know it's that bad...be adament and find the motivated therapist and doctors who will be your advocate....many to me, were just as in need of pyschiatric help as I was!

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums :hug: I hope this spot helps you. It's extremely valuable as a result of the mass measure of individuals who feel comparative and understand eachother. There is a great deal of counsel and backing to be found here :) I trust this stunning group helps you as much as it helped me, reading all the similar stories, and taking in a lot of support along the way. Hugs in the event that you accept :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum! :) :hug:

 

[Nevermore]

Hello @Streetdoc and welcome!
It does sound like your workplace handled it badly. I'm glad you found this site though.
Those strong suicidal urges are horrible. It's good you realised what was going on and took a break.
the pressure on me was not work related, but I too had those constant urges and feelings. I found a really good therapist and now those feelings are very rare.
There is lots of good help out there.
Thanks for sharing your story!