Struggling with desire to return to former T

@FauxLiz - thanks for explaining it further. I hope by being able to work through this you'll see where your struggles are taking you.

To me and admittedly I know sfa about your irl situation but you sound to me like you're abandoned, hurt, unheard and unacknowledged by the way your former T ended the 'relationship'. He did not follow through with undertakings he made regardless of how long it took, he knew you wanted to conclude the therapeutic relationship on your terms and he did deny that to you. Now maybe, he had very good reasons. But for me, regardless, unless there is much more than you are willing to share, that would leave me distrustful of him. I really am that 'precious' :oops: I suppose lol.

However, on the one hand you are struggling with the idea of perhaps, maybe trying to re-establish an ongoing teletherapy relationship with this former T but then again, on the other, you've mentioned that you just want to finish it off somehow properly over one or more sessions. Which is it? Resume or finish it off. Not suggesting either is wrong but you need to understand yourself and be very clear about what you want before you embark on leaving a very good T for this former T.

Going to be blunt here.... perhaps you have a problem with this former T? And I reckon he saw this. Hence his at arms length way of finishing off the therapeutic relationship. I don't know whether it's proper or right at any level to do it that way but that seems to be what he's done.

And anyway, what is achieved by you saying to him how you feel. I don't know but this sounds very much like a abuser/victim dynamic.

Obviously his actions will hurt and I sympathise with you and how that all happened but at the same time you have been meeting goals with this new therapist. With the former therapist you were in a constant state of SI and SH and that doesn't seem to be progress. As I said, I don't know anything at all, but you seem to have a healthier relationship with this new T. You can at least contemplate leaving his care and moving on without it leaving you feeling so abandoned and unfinished? That's good! That means you've dealt with a lot Liz even if you cannot acknowledge it.

So, if you never saw, spoke or emailed this former T again how would you manage with that idea?
 

FauxLiz

Sponsor
@blackemerald1 If I never saw my former T again I could live with it, but for now I don't have too. We are doing a short 30 min telehealth session this weekend and though I am confident that I will return to my former location for work and living after some good discussions with my current T I realize that even when that happens I can't resume a long term therapeutic relationship with my former T. Detrimental to both of us, I unintentionally made him my primary support system when we worked together previously. I believe that would be too easy to fall back into if we were to resume therapy. I anticipate that in addition to the session this weekend we will have at most 3-4 sessions, primarily to talk through the feelings of abandonment, which my current T has told me may result in a response that is difficult for me to hear and lastly for me to acknowledge the transference that I had for my previous T which included both paternal and sexual and addressing my attachment and letting go of an imagined ideal relationship with a member of the other sex.
 
Top