The desire to return to the cause of my PTSD is growing

[DogTired]

It's the 'unregulated' media's fault for being too graphic in it's coverage of what's going on in Ukraine. That and me drawing an association with what I lived through 37 years ago.

It's triggered a powerful need to get involved again. Something that is stupid as I'm a physically and mentally broken old man with vivid flashbacks, brain freezes during the day, and sleep destroying nightmares every night.

Anyway, life was simple then. The good guys dealt with the bad guys after which you went 'home', ate a good meal, then sat around getting too drunk to care.

That's got to be way better than what I'm living now, plus having to deal the complexities of the civilian world. What think you?

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I’m not a vet, my PTSD comes from childhood abuse and neglect. I have felt just about everything and emotion about it but never a desire to go back.

 

[arfie]

i know for sure this 70 year old broken old vet feels far more alive when involved in something --anything-- bigger than drowning the aches and pains of being broken little me, even if it does mean having to smell that complex civilian stink.

i do miss the military comradery. it wasn't so easy to tell the good guys from the bad guys in the nerd corps, but that comradery ran deep.

 

[user27357]

i have nightmares about every part of being a firefighter first responder, except the parts I miss. Too old to go back to the clarity of exertion and explosive action. Too old to go back to the feeling of leaving it all on the field and sleeping pure and hard that night. And feeling like my efforts were clearly aimed in the best direction possible, good was easy to see and bad was just as obvious. I miss that stuff, but i know it came with a head full of memories i cant shake.

 

[DogTired]

i have nightmares about every part of being a firefighter first responder, except the parts I miss. Too old to go back to the clarity of exertion and explosive action. Too old to go back to the feeling of leaving it all on the field and sleeping pure and hard that night. And feeling like my efforts were clearly aimed in the best direction possible, good was easy to see and bad was just as obvious. I miss that stuff, but i know it came with a head full of memories i cant shake.

Firstly thank you for YOUR service. I worked with the aid of dedicated leading firefighters when the UK fire service went on strike in the 1977. It was stressful, YET, and possibly well weird, I enjoyed the challenges of your job. As for me, like you, my nightmares and flashbacks seldom take the week off. However, the mind is still willing even though I'm old. Plus I miss the simplicity of my former trade.

Civvie street has little honor, respect, and decreasing values. Some of it is uncaring about anyone or anything they can't abuse or make money from (And yes I include the UKGov in that). That irks me a lot and if it takes old men to step up and problem solve, sign me up. After all, I reckon I can't get more broken than I am now.

 

[user27357]

Civvie street has little honor, respect, and decreasing values. Some of it is uncaring about anyone or anything they can't abuse or make money from (And yes I include the UKGov in that)

Old men have been crying for the future of mankind forever, its what we do.
Selfishness in any form has always been ugly and a detriment, but for this old man it feels like new ways of putting yourself over others are being invented every day, with less fear of accountability.
I know young civil servants, and I just can't look them in the eye anymore. I want to ask them why they are blind to the hopelessness of trying to save people from each other going into the future I foresee and I can't. I know why they want to do it, but I also know that I no longer could.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I think it’s normal, it’s simple, it’s familiar, or at least feels like that. Other things too but that’s often it for me. Something homey or right or comforting feeling in traumatic cirucmstances. even though it’s really bad

 

[Starfire]

It's the 'unregulated' media's fault for being too graphic in it's coverage of what's going on in Ukraine. That and me drawing an association with what I lived through 37 years ago.

It's triggered a powerful need to get involved again. Something that is stupid as I'm a physically and mentally broken old man with vivid flashbacks, brain freezes during the day, and sleep destroying nightmares every night.

Anyway, life was simple then. The good guys dealt with the bad guys after which you went 'home', ate a good meal, then sat around getting too drunk to care.

That's got to be way better than what I'm living now, plus having to deal the complexities of the civilian world. What think you?

Found that the structured life you spoke of where lines were clear and there was a special comrideriery, works best for me also. I just can’t do it for myself. Lay it all out. Then there comes either my new reality or convince myself tomorrow will be a better day to start. Promise myself I absolutely, positively will start next week. That day never seems

 

[Abstract]

Honestly, I understand that pull, but a little self-preservation is allowed. Familiar isn't always healthy. What would help focus your energy in a better direction?

 

[parrotthepolly]

Honestly, I understand that pull, but a little self-preservation is allowed. Familiar isn't always healthy. What would help focus your energy in a better direction?

I did not drop everything to see this message but it gets to a point where "healthy" isn't the main focus, for me not even a concept really, it's about survival.

Who are you talking to?

Some people have jobs that does require some form of action and makes sense to miss the rush. I don't think you get the point of the thread.