Struggling

[Jimmy1]

Sorry mate, but Fullscrew???. I finished as a Warrant Officer Class 2. The one thing you don't do is bad mouth any NCO to the troops. Maybe as a CSM at times I might discuss something with the other seniors, but that is it.

Dave, maybe you could request an appointment with the CSM, or else go and see the good old trusty Padre.

 

[Squaddiedave]

Full screw is slang for corporal mate. Forgot the multi nationals lol. Rsm's view on mental health aint the best either (only at the unit for a 2 year break).
Gonna speak to the doc today (captain) and see what he suggests.

 

[Jimmy1]

Well if I was your CSM, I would have your Staffy's (I take it Staff Sergeant) nuts on a platter.

Don't worry, we have wankers like that too.

 

[Squaddiedave]

Most RSM's/CSM's would! As a full screw id destroy any of my NCOs or soldiers for that type of thing. As well as if I was there and the staffy was talking about someone else.
Really not in the right frame of mind for this EMDR this morning, not even the drive there, but needs must as devil drives

 

[Squaddiedave]

Semi back in the world of the competent after EMDR today.
Was harder than usual to clear my head and get to my safe place, think due to the stuff that's going on with cock end at work.
The doc was furious when I explained what's going on there, he's an ex ranker, (got to SNCO then transferred to the dark side), even he used the word cock more than once. So the plan of action is to see how it goes tomorrow with him, first sign of drama grief, I'm to ring him, and he'll start at the top (Oscar Charlie) and work down. He did suggest sparking him out and blaming it on the beast, but then laughed and said no don't lol. Not sure if the look in his eyes was a do it!
So sat here feeling pretty,,,,giddy still I think is the best way of putting it, just trying to lose myself in the noise of the misses and kids going about the usual stuff. Treating myself to a beer or two as well, earned it today.

 

[Tim Cake]

Dave -- not ALL officers are assholes. The ones who were commissioned from the ranks are good chaps who understand what "doing an honest day's work" really means.

 

[Squaddiedave]

Totally agree Tim, and sorry if it came across as such. The unit I'm with doesn't have any goodens, very self driven. My Doc however is bloody brill

 

[Alex1991]

Glad the EMDR helped dave, youll be right ;)

 

[Tim Cake]

A wise officer listens to his NCOs and other ranks. Officers who refuse to do this are "puffers" who should be drummed out of the service.

 

[Squaddiedave]

So the mrs goes out last night, I really wasn't in the mood for dealing with a group of people. I'll only be an hour or so was what she said. Been together long enough that I know that can go either way!

About half 11 ish I hear the key n the door, thinking its her I get up ( struggle with a f*cked back), to find a newley moved in nieghbour (male part) letting himself in to the house, straight away it's into defence, what the f*ck are you doing here?

Get told that the mrs needs a fresh set of clothes. No explanation of why, just that. Finally get it out if him she's been thrown in a swimming pool by/with some of the other wives, and she can't come get any her self ( she was in a garden 30ft away).

I take her the clothes and try to explain I'm a bit pissed that she gave the keys to some ones don't know, storms home after me, and let's rip. and I mean, let's rip. best statement of the night was "your only jealous as your a sad miserable f*cker that doesn't have any mates."

I fought the beast and tried to control my temper, knuckles today have reminded me I've failed. She brought up a rough patch we had in 02 where I didn't deal with something right, and walked out the house for 2hours. Something I feel shit for, but couldn't help at the time.

Finally got to bed at about half 3, I didn't want to, I wanted the couch but she wouldn't go unless I went with her. Today it's been the usual self internalisation for her, "I was wrong, shouldn't that, didn't mean it' etc. by the look in her eyes I know she did. No doubt about it.

Never felt so empty, alone sad and worthless. Beast has got me, and my worse fears of who and what I am have been confirmed, by the person I love.

Give up, totally give up, numb, broken and don't give a f*ck anymore

 

[Anglesachse]

.................Give up, totally give up, numb, broken and don't give a f*ck anymore

Sounds like you need a beer and a chat Dave cocker.

You know where I am. Call me.

 

[Jimmy1]

I hate having to word things so I don't offend, but in my opinion Dave, some women can have an emotional blackmail button they push. To them it is thinking things over, to us, it's the silence and the looks that kill.

You have to concentrate on you mate and getting yourself better, don't give up 'Liney', that's not part of it.
With PTSD you will have to constantly work on it and if your misses was going to leave she would have already.

Keep your chin up brother.