Hi, I'm a newbie, but not sure exactly where I fit in as far as ASD or PTSD.
I feel very stuck and frozen after two different events in my life. The first one was over 11 years ago, a co worker confessed to me in detail how he murdered someone with no remorse while slightly threatening me with the large kitchen knife he was holding. A few months after the event I was diagnosed with PTSD by both a regular medical doctor and a psychologist, but never could find a psychiatrist or therapist that I was really comfortable with long term and was completely not comfortable with taking any drugs.
Things were difficult for the first few years, but with just a lot of time passing, it doesn't seem to bother me so much on the surface now. I can talk about the event now without crying and shaking, and I am no longer experiencing nightmares, flashbacks, suicidal thoughts, or anxiety attacks. I am still dealing with irrational fears, depression, being severely co dependent (I don't go anywhere without my husband or family-I withdrew from all my friends over the years due to both events) and feeling like I'm unable to move on and move forward from it. At this point, I am just wondering if this means I still even have PTSD?
The second event happened two years ago when I became a victim of a very bad and long lasting toxic drug reaction to a strong but commonly prescribed antibiotic. I am still experiencing a few minor physical symptoms after over two years now and they may be permanent. I am lucky as some unfortunate souls end up in wheel chairs and can have several physical issues for years, even if they took just a couple of pills. The reaction just seemed to vastly intensify one of my major fears of "feeling safe" . So in some ways it as just added to my already overloaded baggage of emotional issues.
Since all this has happened I feel like I've completely lost "me" and have turned into this empty shell. More recently though I am at a point where I think I'm finally ready deal with all of it to try and let it go and move on, it's hard as I feel like I hold onto a lot of the bad memories and emotions as a form of protection/survival so I can try and make sure I won't get myself in these situations again. Does that even make sense?
I feel very stuck and frozen after two different events in my life. The first one was over 11 years ago, a co worker confessed to me in detail how he murdered someone with no remorse while slightly threatening me with the large kitchen knife he was holding. A few months after the event I was diagnosed with PTSD by both a regular medical doctor and a psychologist, but never could find a psychiatrist or therapist that I was really comfortable with long term and was completely not comfortable with taking any drugs.
Things were difficult for the first few years, but with just a lot of time passing, it doesn't seem to bother me so much on the surface now. I can talk about the event now without crying and shaking, and I am no longer experiencing nightmares, flashbacks, suicidal thoughts, or anxiety attacks. I am still dealing with irrational fears, depression, being severely co dependent (I don't go anywhere without my husband or family-I withdrew from all my friends over the years due to both events) and feeling like I'm unable to move on and move forward from it. At this point, I am just wondering if this means I still even have PTSD?
The second event happened two years ago when I became a victim of a very bad and long lasting toxic drug reaction to a strong but commonly prescribed antibiotic. I am still experiencing a few minor physical symptoms after over two years now and they may be permanent. I am lucky as some unfortunate souls end up in wheel chairs and can have several physical issues for years, even if they took just a couple of pills. The reaction just seemed to vastly intensify one of my major fears of "feeling safe" . So in some ways it as just added to my already overloaded baggage of emotional issues.
Since all this has happened I feel like I've completely lost "me" and have turned into this empty shell. More recently though I am at a point where I think I'm finally ready deal with all of it to try and let it go and move on, it's hard as I feel like I hold onto a lot of the bad memories and emotions as a form of protection/survival so I can try and make sure I won't get myself in these situations again. Does that even make sense?
