Stuck And I'm Only To Blame

[Deleted member 1860]

I fail to see WHY you can't walk away from a long-distance, coast to coast, 3K relationship.

Maybe you need to hit rock bottom? Just don't lose sight of the fact that for some, rock bottom in an abusive relationship doesn't come until you end up dead.

 

[Jezzryn]

Hi,

I am really new to this forum and I myself am not into bdsm but I have close friends who are. And what you write here about the man you are with has nothing to do with bdsm but everything with sadism.

Maybe he once was into bdsm and got his guidelines mixed, but you should not suffer for that. There are safewords for a reason. You are supposed to know that you are only going to be pushed as far as you can take, and not an inch more. And I am sorry to say this, but if he loved you, he wouldn't torture you. It is mental and physical abuse and I so wish, I could punch that person a good one. (Okay so violence is no answer, but wishing and not doing, so...)

I can only imagine how this betrayal hurts and I know the fear of being alone and unloved, but... this is not love. Cheating is not something I normally condone, but take this experience as an example of what you should have. As something you can have. It'll be hard, because you have to find the strength to leave the man who is hurting and terrifying you, but it'll be worth it.

it sounds like you had made good progress, don't let him destroy that for you. I wish you lots of courage.

<Edited by CB - capital letters and paragraph breaks>

 

[Audreeeey]

Altough I understand your motives to "cheat" on your "lover/dominant", I can thelp but wonder if this will bring you any good Audrey.

Thank you and to everyone else who commented on this horrendous issue many months ago. As I read what I wrote, I'm cringing. I realize now that my depression and PTSD (both from him and other things) made me delusional of what was right. As I said in the "Accomplishments" forum, I renounced this lifestyle and realized that I had sought it because I was feeling empty inside. I am SO LUCKY that my rationality kicked in before anything dangerous happened. I stopped speaking to him after getting support from people like you and my family and friends. Turns out he is an ex-convict (he hid this from me entirely) and frankly deserves to be in prison for the rest of his life for the things he has done. He thinks he is above the law and can never get caught, but I hope one day it catches up to him. I notified my local police station about him and they let me know that they will help if ever he tries to physically harm me in any way. About 2 weeks ago after months of no contact he actually emailed me, and I am currently in the process of getting a restraining order.

 

[Spiderallis]

I'm glad to see that you've found a resolution to the situation. If you miss 'the lifestyle' down the road, I promise there's some healthy people around- there's just a row of predatory types around the edges.

I've been into the BDSM scene for a little while now, met many other folks facing things like we are around here. The biggest danger comes in choosing the right partner to try these things with. I would NOT advise anyone to explore that scene, but if anyone wants to learn about it I know of some good resources. The hyper-vigilance payed off for me, I met my prince in the dungeon. It's not always a harmful thing, it can be healthy- just like any other hobby or interest. For me it's been a very healing thing to explore certain ideas in a carefully negotiated situation amongst friends I trust.

 

[Audreeeey]

I am very glad to hear that you are exploring it in a healthy way, and that you did not take dangerous risks like I did :) That shows a lot of strength and I really admire you for it! Although I'm not into it anymore because it represented an emptiness in me, I always commend anybody who goes after what they want- and safely! :)

 

[Jezzryn]

Hey,

I am really happy to read, that you got rid of him, without getting hurt worse. You can be really proud of your courage in my opinion. :)