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Stuck In Survival Mode

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Chava,

It sucks to have chronic pain and I hope you get some relief in the very near future. I have an autoimmune disease and chronic pain is off and on for me. I was in remission for a very long time but numerous stressors have made it reappear. I know my body well. I asked my primary care doctor to run the specific tests due to excessive fatigue. I could not walk up my stairs without having to lie down on the floor. Not fun when you have twin 5 year old's running around. Sure enough everything came back positive. I am seeing a rheumatologist soon. I was symptom free for around 15 years. Have you ever had your vitamin D checked? Being low can cause significant pain. I am taking several thousand IUI's a day now and my doctor told me it can cause muscle aches and bone pain. I use liquid drops because they are easily absorbed.

My therapist had me do some tapping therapy. It is called EFT which is short-form for Emotional Freedom Technique. It is supposed to help with anxiety and to manage pain. There are several u-tube videos out there describing it. She also has had me try a meditational sort of breathing technique where you sit for 20 minutes and focus on your breath and when your mind wanders you go back to your breath.

I also had anorexia. I don't think you ever do not have anorexia if you know what I mean. I think it is always in my head and yes I understand how you feel when you said you felt physically best when you were suffering. I relapsed in 2012 and have just gotten myself to a healthy weight in the last 6 months. I have struggled more than 20 years with disordered thinking around eating.

I am glad you are able to ask for help but it is too bad that your insurance is not covering everything medical. I wish that mental health issues would be seen as a medical issue and have more coverage then what it does.
 
Its kind of complicated though, and I haven't prepared myself mentally for seeing a doctor who will see past the test results and listen to me. LIke you said its more about never wanting to be powerless, but I just end up dragging my feet, and in fact being a lot closer to suicide in my thinking later on.

Just saw this...thanks for sharing. I've gotten pretty good at making notes. But it really is hard to advocate for myself. It always feels like the stakes are too high if I f*ck up and don't say what I mean, or say what I need to but am still not heard. I've been doing it but didn't realize how exhausting it would be. When I really wanted to die a few weeks ago, looking back part of the issue was the sheer stress of having to meet with doctors and do this thing over and over of talking about my stuff and hoping they will give a shit and give me some direction...anything...just not feeling powerless.
 
@MomOfTwo , yes my Vitamin D was way too low a couple years ago. Mega prescription dose helped. I take smaller amounts now daily and it's stayed okay. My primary doctor, I believe, has really done her best checking for basic things and listening to me and referring me on when needed...it's the people I get referred to sometimes that have made me want to leap through the window.

I also had anorexia. I don't think you ever do not have anorexia if you know what I mean. I think it is always in my head and yes I understand how you feel when you said you felt physically best when you were suffering. I relapsed in 2012 and have just gotten myself to a healthy weight in the last 6 months. I have struggled more than 20 years with disordered thinking around eating.

Congrats getting back to a healthy weight. I never thought it would be possible. I seem to have a low "set point." I have zero eating disordered thoughts, so it feels like I can recover, but my body really struggles with "normalcy". Really weird how pain just replaced anorexia. It's like when i'm finally willing to give up all crutches, I find my body still won't allow me to feel okay. Damn it.

After having gotten through several stressful appointments to rule out different things, I actually don't feel so stuck in survival mode at the moment. I don't feel awesome and I don't have a lot of answers, but I feel more patient and tolerant I guess.
 
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