Stuck - Need Wisdom - Please

[NoOne]

Thanks Fire and Tlight.

It is very re-traumatizing, having to go back again, choosing between the car and putting whats left of my life back into the hands of evil, only 2 weeks to go but I might be just able to scrimp and scrape and super budget one more month, maybe and not completely sure, but why bother?... no wonder getting out of bed is so problematic anymore. It's like the physical therapy, had one visit, seems like they might be able to actually do something more than just scratch their butts, if not for the old conditions then at least for the new one from the surgery, and if successful give them a try for the old ones too - but again, why bother? Not even close to any solutions, still can't get out and work, even if the surgery was healed still have old unattended injuries, can't find home-based income, locals aren't hiring, gov't is a joke, part of the super budgeting means no extra spending not even gas for physical therapy or finding local T. Health just deteriorates, a lot in part from the high excessive stress, knew coming back would be a mortal error and this is exactly why, being slaughtered by everything triggering something, little or big and most are big.

If you can, Once you walk away, never look back - it just might kill you...

Yeah, I know.. being overdramatic again, but still here:
:wall: :wall: :wall: :wall: :stupid:
Sorry

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hello, I found something in your thread right off the bat that raised a red flag. You mentioned you might have to go back to the ones who harmed you. NO YOU DON'T!
If you do then your putting yourself in a position to be a victim again.

Personally I don't mind venting, but when someone chooses to put themselves in "victim mode" I can't deal with it. I know your options are limited and so are many other peoples, and I know that doesn't make you feel any better by me saying that.

The worse thing you could do is go back to the beginning where it all started because anything you have accomplished in healing will be immediately taken away from you.

There are resources out there. A lot of times it depends on what state you live in. I'm not sure if you even live in USA. There is a free rape crisis center where I live and my T is awesome. There are AA meetings even though I'm not an alcoholic, there are ALANON meetings even though I don't qualify for that either. There is Over Eaters Anonymous even though I'm battling with anorexia right now.

So I know that there are at least 4 (free) self help groups in the city I live in. These groups would accept you even if you don't meet the specific criteria and it will help with the isolation you are feeling because you can connect with someone. Usually these type of places are located in the center of the big cities and there is public transportation (bus) that can get you there and back for $1.50.

Personally, I feel that there are resourses out there for you, but you have to take the initiative and look for them because they won't come find you. I know it's hard to do because of PTSD and having surgery but you have to do the work if you want to get better because no one will do it for you.

We can give you moral support here and point you in the right direction, but ultimately it's up to you to stay away from your abusers and find the "right" solution. If I had to I would take my tent and what few cloths I have and move to Arizona and camp there all year long. My brother was homeless and that is what he did and he made tons of friends at that camp ground who were in the same shoes he was in.

There have been times I've been so stressed living in this house with a vehicle and people thinking I'm stable enough to give them a ride here and there, and bitching at me for not getting enough work done that I've seriously considered packing my $hit up and moving there and camping out. It would be freaken holiday for me. I'd save so much money and then come back when I was damn good and ready. I know it would be hard to adjust but it's an option.

So can you see how one mans nightmare can be another's dream come true? Take it one day at a time and PLEASE do not go back to your abusers and ask for anything because what ever they give you they will want twice as much back and won't hesitate to take it in any way they can get it.

Good luck
Tammy

 

[NoOne]

Thanks Tammy...I appreciate your being honest, to me more than anything that matters. There are a lot of things I've tried over here, even went to the Senator's office trying to find out if there are any programs available I missed, they basically said no and why don't you go back where you came from, really not joking....funny thing is I am back where I came from, this state has most of what I paid in taxes, and this is what it got me, here's a quarter call someone who cares. And I've even thought about going to a different country, if I had a passport, cause a doctor once told me the country he came from the medical care was much better even though there were other things you'd have to sacrifice. Yes, even thought about finding a cave or something. Also contacted churches, who never even bothered to write or call back at all, same with the local orgs, you can forget I'll ever set foot in a hypocritical place like that again, yes there's more bad story there too.

And for the local gov, there was only one addt'l progam I would qualify for, they kept withholding in spite of everything, even called the higher offices that are supposed to run them, and got a doc note saying they were causing harm by withholding.....took unneccessary months, but finally just got that tiny tiny tiny miniscule little bit today, and it only buys me 3 extra weeks to keep hunting

I did read one other thing here in the posts, different thread, but just a word, not really hopeful, can't remember what it was gotta find it again, but something new worth looking into, so even if anyone thinks I tried it what you have in mind, don't hesitate to mention, sometimes it just takes one word to start a new train of thought and see something not noticed before.....thanks..

:wall: :wall: :wall: :stupid:

And also, thanks to everyone even without suggestions just being supportive....appreciate it much.

 

[NoOne]

Oh, and as for the tent thing, I've considered stuff like that too... but I have medical equip to sleep with, so can't go anywhere without electric..but

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I'm not sure what else to say that may put you into a different train of thought. I seen this movie called "In the Pursuit of Happiness" based on a true story. A man and his child were homeless while he worked at a brokers firm for FREE. If he did the job well they would hire him in 6 months.

He went through hell, and sometimes that is what we have to go through. But in the end he got the job and is a millionaire now. I now not everyone's life will work out that way. But, it's inspiring to watch something like that because it gives me hope.

Try to use the law of attraction. Look on the internet and go to u-tube and watch some of the videos of inspiration that have up lifting messages in them. If nothing else, it can cure a bad day in some cases.

Good Luck
Tammy

 

[pebbels]

Hello NoOne:hello:
Just wanted to let you know that speaking with you in chat is awesome, when you are on an up you are so hilarious and have me in fits. You are very special and much appreciated for what you bring to the chat room.

And when you are having a not so great day we are here for you:thumbs-up

I'm sorry for what you are going through now and have in the past, it's not easy but be strong NoOne, you can do it.

When you find the right therapist be honest so that they can help you on your journey to healing. In the mean time you have our ears and hearts.

I want to wish you all the best for your situation at this time and take care :Hug_emoticon:

Pebs:smile:

 

[NoOne]

Thanks very much, pebs, it was good chatting with you too and the others, you've been really nice, but this forum seems to be meant more for people that are recovered or well into recovery, and I'm far from that, so really I hope the best for you guys because apparently this is not the right place for me, sorry pebs, and good luck, and thank you very much for everything.

 

[Jagged Angel]

Hi NoOne, I haven't been on this forum long, but I think you're incorrect in saying that this forum is for people who have recovered, or are well into recovery. I have been reading a lot of postings that show that the vast majority of us sufferers are still battling with the journey of healing.

I also am far from 'recovery' (I'm not entirely sure what you mean by recovery), and I am finding that people, irrespective of where they are on their path, have been welcoming and understanding.

Part of joining an online community like this is settling in and finding your feet. Maybe if you read more postings by other sufferers, you'll see that this forum holds a wide range of people on different paths.
:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Lobo]

Hey NoOne



I am nowhere close to being recovered. You should know that from talking to me in chat. You are in the right place. This is a good place to be. Well it is for me anyway. Give it a chance and Im sure it will help you also.
There is a lot of good info here but better than that a lot of good support. I hope you stay with us.

Lobo

 

[pebbels]

Thank you NoOne for your kind words:smile: I echo what everyone else has said and Jagged Angel summed it up nicely NoOne.

This is the best place, as you know i am/was a carer and when i first came here my head was spinning, :crazy:but what i found instantly were people (who are now my friends) eager to help, advise and be there for me when needed, and then others have come along and given me something new to think about, it's brillient and more friendships are made.

Well thats how i find it, sorry if i have gone on abit:rofl:

You to NoOne can and already have this, I hope you change your mind and stick around.:Hug_emoticon:

Pebs

 

[Mina]

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way, NoOne. The truth is, we are all at different stages in our struggle with, management of, and recovery from PTSD...sometimes I'm at multiple stages in the same day! :crazy:

 

[fin]

Me too MIna, completely understand what you mean by that Stay NoOne read and take in as much as you can here
~A