Hi, I really don't want to go into my long gorey traumas that caused my ptsd. I usually get a lot of holier than thous and judgements, so I just avoid telling it anymore. In a nutshell, I was a non-offending parent in two verbally violent marriages with sociopaths that ended up hurting my children when I tried to leave. Both of my children are special needs. I was a lesbian that lived a straight life in the closet until I was 40 years old looking back at all the crazy and said to myself, "What was the point of trying to be "normal"? We see where that got me."
Anyhow, it has been several years since the last trauma. He was put in prison. I have gone through a ton of counselling, including EMDR, and I take Cymbalta. I have worked really hard to try to improve my relationship with my children (going pretty well), I have been steadily advancing in my career and on a slow but steady track out of poverty, and I have a live in partner that has been pretty good to my kids and I. However she tends to be anxiety ridden and is the type A personality. I find myself shutting down or having dysfunctional and secretive behaviors to try to protect myself when there is no need to protect myself. She wants to combine finances and I feel threatened by that because of past financial abuse and being controlled. I don't know how to feel safe to have problem resolution conversations without shutting down and going into flight mode. I refuse to engage in arguments or screaming matches. I instead retreat into my own head. Then the stimming gets worse, compulsive eating, nightmares, hypervigilance, etc all increases. Please if anyone has helpful suggestions.
Anyhow, it has been several years since the last trauma. He was put in prison. I have gone through a ton of counselling, including EMDR, and I take Cymbalta. I have worked really hard to try to improve my relationship with my children (going pretty well), I have been steadily advancing in my career and on a slow but steady track out of poverty, and I have a live in partner that has been pretty good to my kids and I. However she tends to be anxiety ridden and is the type A personality. I find myself shutting down or having dysfunctional and secretive behaviors to try to protect myself when there is no need to protect myself. She wants to combine finances and I feel threatened by that because of past financial abuse and being controlled. I don't know how to feel safe to have problem resolution conversations without shutting down and going into flight mode. I refuse to engage in arguments or screaming matches. I instead retreat into my own head. Then the stimming gets worse, compulsive eating, nightmares, hypervigilance, etc all increases. Please if anyone has helpful suggestions.
