Suicide And Dissociation

[HAlex]

Yesterday, I was talking to my care co-ordinator about suicide and how I feel about it. It was a topic that I felt comfortable talking about, so I was honest with her.

I feel calm about the idea of killing myself. It doesn't scare me like it used to. I do feel like if I did do it, it wouldn't be real. (E.g. If i jumped off of the bridge, the water would be fake).
So that is exactly what I told her.

She then says that I feel that way because I have a dissociative disorder, and the way I feel is either a really bad or a really good thing. Obviously depending on my mood and how dissociative I am that day.

So, I'm wondering, does anybody else feel like this? And if so, how do you perceive it?.

 

[Seasounds]

In additon to you care coordinator thoughts, I 'd also think depression is involved. With you situation, I'd recommend being in touch with a counselor, a psychiatrist, and staying connected to those for whom you care.

 

[HAlex]

I am currently on mirtazapine for my depression. I also have a care team, complete with a physiatrist, psychologist and mental health support nurses.

Do you think it's worth discussing this with my psychiatrist?

 

[scout86]

Yes, because the water IS real.

But, this is kind of interesting. I'd never really thought much about it, but now that I have, I can see where I'm both acutely aware that I could die anytime and totally convinced that I'm bullet proof and invisible and nothing's going to happen to me. I'd never really considered that there's a pretty basic contradiction there and I DO wonder how that works.

Yep, talk to your psychiatrist & then please come back and report on what you learn. Thanks for bringing this up!

 

[Emsy.77]

I feel like sometimes that I am in my own world and no one could hurt kill or touch me!!! And I am walking around in a big bubble. But then I come round and think yes it's real I could die at anytime.

 

[Go Hungry]

Can't say I've ever encountered that. Always felt painfully real. Though I am usually pretty numb about it. After 30 years of constantly wanting to kill myself I just got kinda bored with it. I still want to, every day, but only in passing usually, and then it's gone...

But yeah, like they said.. be in constant contact with your crisis team. We can't lose you...

 

[KwanYingirl]

I think about suicide every day. I am used to it. I follow my safety plan. The first item on my plan is tell therapist-I am allowed to email. I look at pictures of my children. I take my dog for a walk. I read an essay I wrote to myself when I was happy. Be careful, SI is seductive. I recommend you making a safety plan with the help of your shrink or therapist.

Do you like to watch soccer, because there is a lot of games being played now in the World Cup.

Keep us posted on mood, et al.

 

[KwanYingirl]

You say you talked to your care coordinated about this. Is this person a trauma specialist? It will help you to learn what dissociation is and does with goal of staying in the here and now. Not regretting the past or worrying about the future.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

A long time ago, many many years in fact, I used to get thoughts of driving over the edge of the road and never knew where the thoughts came from. I realized that suicide is not an option for me after a failed attempt.

I decided to choose life and knew that what I really wanted was excape from all of it. It takes great courage to face each day , but it does get better. I no longer get the intrusive thoughts.

Attempting to take my own life was a horrorfying experience for me.

You are so worth fighting for.