D
Deleted member 12723
(((Alex)))) You are amazing. I am so inspired by you. You teach me alot. I do not have words to express the depths of feelings. So here is a hug.
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Whitneys story
Diamond Member
The Bluejay came back today and informed me to get the heck out of his tree! Yes I chased all over trying to get a photo. He does not look like a Stellar, he has a gray back and blue underbody and wings! I was cracking up trying to catch a shot. Hugs Whitney
Whitneys story
Diamond Member
I wish we were sailing on the sea, it is so relaxing! Hugs Whitney
Icon Nikon
Gold Member
Whitney,
Perhaps it was a Western Scrub Jay like these:
It is hard to tell in that picture, whenonly able to see a perching bird about the size of a Robin, with a longer tail, dark feathers and head, and whitish breast.
However I do so like a mystery, as it obviously is not common in my region. So keep tracking it is an adventure and counts in my book as exercise (lol)!
Thank you for sharing,
Alex
Perhaps it was a Western Scrub Jay like these:
It is hard to tell in that picture, whenonly able to see a perching bird about the size of a Robin, with a longer tail, dark feathers and head, and whitish breast.
However I do so like a mystery, as it obviously is not common in my region. So keep tracking it is an adventure and counts in my book as exercise (lol)!
Thank you for sharing,
Alex
Icon Nikon
Gold Member
Hey everyone,
I am just popping on to say a much needed thank you and to ask all of you for a favor.
Please forgive me because I had a downright dreadful and humiliating day. Without dwelling on it when silenced and upset/dismantled beyond words, I was unnecessarily intubated again (my wonderful doc was not present).
Long story short as to not further upset myself, I reacted to something, my oxygen levels went down, my throat turned bright red, and my airway started closing. Well instead of giving me Prednisone and Diphenhydramine, they gave me epinephrine and jammed the tube down my throat, and not even a pediatric tube. My heart went into tachycardia because epinephrine is contraindicated with my current medications and thus they should have used glucagon instead.
All this protocol is written down in a timetable starting with the onset time of reaction and on my long-standing Immunologist's stationary with his signature. Yet they still ignore most every time even though I hand it to them.
So now I face the challenge, while very ill and not in any further need of additional stress, of stopping the cycle that begins now due to their actions and my very rare autoimmune disorders (AIs). The cycle that tears up my esophagus by placing the tube in, my AIs reacting negatively to its presence and pressure, my oxygen level rises, tube is removed, 6 hours later my delayed onset AIs create more angioedema of my airway and then they respond just like they did today - epinephrine, tube shoved back in, and meds to counter the tachycardia.
You all did not need to know all that, but I do not have it in me to go back and edit. What I needed my friends to hear on here was that shoving that tube down my throat is a clinical trigger to my past history of forced oral sex. This tube in my throat, even though I intellectually know its purpose, is terrorizing me and forcing me, in my immobilized state, to without any assistance revisit that trauma with absolutely NO ability to say no or to run away.
I think it is/was unnecessary abuse (versus necessary treatment), but even worse than that is the denigrating attitude in which it was done, the outright humiliation I was put through, the perception of perceived weakness instead of strength (since none of those surrounding me now could have survived my past or designed the sterilization process and controls needed for the catheter they used on my heart today), and the lack of human compassion for justified terror/flashbacks while immobile and without an ounce of power/control.
Damn, PTSD is not that hard for them to comprehend on at least a basic level. All it takes is imaging your worst nightmare coming true and then having live with it in some way, shape, or form day after day after day. I am not a slab of meat whose bleeding has already been done; I am a human being who deserves at least "palliative care", though not as it is defined in the US, which includes my wishes, some personal control, treatment which addresses the entire being as well as overall quality of life, i.e. treatment administered human dignity and compassion.
RANT OVER for those who preferred to skip ahead. :)
I do not know why I did not think of it before...oh yeah...perhaps that ye olde tumor in my head. However some dim lightbulb (or neurons) decided to fire when I saw this:
I have an A/V Digital Adaptor that enables what is on my iTouch to be displayed on the HDTV in my room. Now for months, I have been using a saltwater coral reef aquarium application to design new tanks with every-changing fish and a camera that follows/pans the tank. Yes it occupied/distracted me when receiving very painful treatments, but on the iTouch it did little more than that. But then I attached it to the flat screen TV at night and my room transported me when feeling exhausted but unable to sleep. And the darn app even has a day/night lamp, a feed the fish, and an annoy the fish by tapping on the iTouch screen feature.
All good for sleep schedules, feeling as if feeding those fish in some way was akin to caring for my furry boys at home, and tapping on the tank when pissed off at such medical insanity. Some may find it silly, but after 13+ months in ICU ones grasps at anything that will lessen the agony.
So to get to my favor...at last some of you are saying! ;) I thought Whitney hit on a great idea. My isolated ICU room does not have a window, so perhaps all of you would help me turn my HDTV into a window that has meaning.
I guess what I am thinking is that maybe each of you could attach a picture of a view from your own window, or of some place you enjoyed, or even some place you dream of going, or even just some touching picture from online. And in that sense my HDTV would become my window to the world and my window to all of you. And it would still work when they harmfully take wifi access away because the stores pictures would still show up as ever-changing art from friends and my very own personal window in my very white and sterile room.
How about it? I could of course gather my own pictures but this would be more meaningful and possibly help restore my faith in humanity and my hope for healing.
I will even start with my own personal photograph taken while in my canoe with my very hyper foster child who was born with fetal alcohol syndrome - thus not easy to get without losing my camera in the water. It was taken at a state park near one of my former homes and is quite typical of the southeastern region of Pennsylvania, USA.
Thank you all so much for helping me manage the ebb and flow of treatments, surgeries, procedures, tests, confinement, and my emotions.
Huge Hugs from my Heart,
Alex
I am just popping on to say a much needed thank you and to ask all of you for a favor.
Please forgive me because I had a downright dreadful and humiliating day. Without dwelling on it when silenced and upset/dismantled beyond words, I was unnecessarily intubated again (my wonderful doc was not present).
Long story short as to not further upset myself, I reacted to something, my oxygen levels went down, my throat turned bright red, and my airway started closing. Well instead of giving me Prednisone and Diphenhydramine, they gave me epinephrine and jammed the tube down my throat, and not even a pediatric tube. My heart went into tachycardia because epinephrine is contraindicated with my current medications and thus they should have used glucagon instead.
All this protocol is written down in a timetable starting with the onset time of reaction and on my long-standing Immunologist's stationary with his signature. Yet they still ignore most every time even though I hand it to them.
So now I face the challenge, while very ill and not in any further need of additional stress, of stopping the cycle that begins now due to their actions and my very rare autoimmune disorders (AIs). The cycle that tears up my esophagus by placing the tube in, my AIs reacting negatively to its presence and pressure, my oxygen level rises, tube is removed, 6 hours later my delayed onset AIs create more angioedema of my airway and then they respond just like they did today - epinephrine, tube shoved back in, and meds to counter the tachycardia.
You all did not need to know all that, but I do not have it in me to go back and edit. What I needed my friends to hear on here was that shoving that tube down my throat is a clinical trigger to my past history of forced oral sex. This tube in my throat, even though I intellectually know its purpose, is terrorizing me and forcing me, in my immobilized state, to without any assistance revisit that trauma with absolutely NO ability to say no or to run away.
I think it is/was unnecessary abuse (versus necessary treatment), but even worse than that is the denigrating attitude in which it was done, the outright humiliation I was put through, the perception of perceived weakness instead of strength (since none of those surrounding me now could have survived my past or designed the sterilization process and controls needed for the catheter they used on my heart today), and the lack of human compassion for justified terror/flashbacks while immobile and without an ounce of power/control.
Damn, PTSD is not that hard for them to comprehend on at least a basic level. All it takes is imaging your worst nightmare coming true and then having live with it in some way, shape, or form day after day after day. I am not a slab of meat whose bleeding has already been done; I am a human being who deserves at least "palliative care", though not as it is defined in the US, which includes my wishes, some personal control, treatment which addresses the entire being as well as overall quality of life, i.e. treatment administered human dignity and compassion.
RANT OVER for those who preferred to skip ahead. :)
I do not know why I did not think of it before...oh yeah...perhaps that ye olde tumor in my head. However some dim lightbulb (or neurons) decided to fire when I saw this:
I have an A/V Digital Adaptor that enables what is on my iTouch to be displayed on the HDTV in my room. Now for months, I have been using a saltwater coral reef aquarium application to design new tanks with every-changing fish and a camera that follows/pans the tank. Yes it occupied/distracted me when receiving very painful treatments, but on the iTouch it did little more than that. But then I attached it to the flat screen TV at night and my room transported me when feeling exhausted but unable to sleep. And the darn app even has a day/night lamp, a feed the fish, and an annoy the fish by tapping on the iTouch screen feature.
All good for sleep schedules, feeling as if feeding those fish in some way was akin to caring for my furry boys at home, and tapping on the tank when pissed off at such medical insanity. Some may find it silly, but after 13+ months in ICU ones grasps at anything that will lessen the agony.
So to get to my favor...at last some of you are saying! ;) I thought Whitney hit on a great idea. My isolated ICU room does not have a window, so perhaps all of you would help me turn my HDTV into a window that has meaning.
I guess what I am thinking is that maybe each of you could attach a picture of a view from your own window, or of some place you enjoyed, or even some place you dream of going, or even just some touching picture from online. And in that sense my HDTV would become my window to the world and my window to all of you. And it would still work when they harmfully take wifi access away because the stores pictures would still show up as ever-changing art from friends and my very own personal window in my very white and sterile room.
How about it? I could of course gather my own pictures but this would be more meaningful and possibly help restore my faith in humanity and my hope for healing.
I will even start with my own personal photograph taken while in my canoe with my very hyper foster child who was born with fetal alcohol syndrome - thus not easy to get without losing my camera in the water. It was taken at a state park near one of my former homes and is quite typical of the southeastern region of Pennsylvania, USA.
Thank you all so much for helping me manage the ebb and flow of treatments, surgeries, procedures, tests, confinement, and my emotions.
Huge Hugs from my Heart,
Alex
Whitneys story
Diamond Member
Alex, The plot thickens as it is exactly reverse. It is getting funny. My friends surely think I have lost my mind. As they are now telling me what he is saying.
I put a quantity of walnuts in the shell by the feeding station for friday! He shows up about 2:45 I am going to sit up in the tree and wait. The deck restoring is enough exercise.
The list keeps growing. Now 3 decks, putting in a pergola and gazebo. Friend has been in a chair 25 years. We just completed sidewalks all the way around the house. Freedom he has never had. Stay tuned for more Bluejay adventures!
So good to hear from you! Hugs Whitney
I put a quantity of walnuts in the shell by the feeding station for friday! He shows up about 2:45 I am going to sit up in the tree and wait. The deck restoring is enough exercise.
The list keeps growing. Now 3 decks, putting in a pergola and gazebo. Friend has been in a chair 25 years. We just completed sidewalks all the way around the house. Freedom he has never had. Stay tuned for more Bluejay adventures!
So good to hear from you! Hugs Whitney
Whitneys story
Diamond Member
(((((((((((((((Alex))))))))))))))) I am thrilled at your idea! How fun it will be to see photos from every where! The fish tank sounds great but change is always refreshing.
I am sorry they disrespect you. If there is anything I can do, just name it. Sincerely with Hugs, Whitney
PS I am glad you shared your experience, you emptied some of your cup; hoping it helped you even just a little.
I am sorry they disrespect you. If there is anything I can do, just name it. Sincerely with Hugs, Whitney
PS I am glad you shared your experience, you emptied some of your cup; hoping it helped you even just a little.
amethist
VIP Member
Is this what you mean Alex. Hope you enjoy the views.
amethist
VIP Member
amethist
VIP Member
Hello - I've been following your thread but haven't commented as you have so many good friends and supporters - but your last post brought a lump to my throat... I feel for you so much. And if there's one thing I love more than fish tanks, it's photos!
This is the view I normally get out of any window - the back of my dog's head!!!
This is the view I normally get out of any window - the back of my dog's head!!!
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