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- Post starter KP the nut
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D
Deleted member 12723
Thinking of you as well Alex. I hope you have a good day. I am sorry we cannot post pictures anymore. It was good while it lasted. Big hugs.
Icon Nikon
Gold Member
Gizmo and all those on this thread:
You can post any pictures you take with a camera or phone camera. Heck, you could even take a funny picture of your big toe in a funny position and I would still appreciate feeling connected to you (and others who so choose to be here on this thread), especially when I do not have wifi but can see the pictures on the flat screen tv.
I honestly think staff is being extremely cautious as this area of "free" photo sharing versus paid license for permission to use a "for sale image" is pretty murky territory.
It saddens me too, so perhaps I will look into it more and ask my professional photography resources, including lawyers specializing in artistic licensing and reproduction/use online, for where things stand today. However, right now I feel staff is trying to protect this site and its members from any harm by keeping everyone informed.
So here is my designed background for my current virtual saltwater fish tank:
This is from the very last camping trip I took with my grandmother before Alzheimer's got the best of her. It is downstream one of the 14 waterfalls at this national park near the Delaware Water Gap, which ironically is not in Delaware but NE Pennsylvania:
Here is one of my all time favorites from a PA state park near my last home. It is typical for this particular region of PA where cover bridged are abundant, where Pennsylvania Dutch (actually German) red the table instead of clear the table, where you actually have to drive through the town of "Intercourse" to get to the town of "Paradise", where one of the largest population of Amish live (I would have been shunned for a whole host of reasons :)), and where the movie "Witness" with Harrison Ford was filmed:
And this is one of my sons, who sends me this postcard just begging for me to come home, especially in time for winter as he needs his own personal heater. I miss him and his brother. His name is Justice and was one of two half siblings I named Liberty and Justice Fur Ball one day prior to 9/11/2001 and brought home one day after that tragedy. He is cute, right?:
And finally this is for all of you and was taken at Asateague Island, the Maryland side of the same island as Chincoteague, where Ponies and Cattle Egrets team up to beat those pesky beach horse flies and mosquitoes. Not a bad deal for either party:
These past couple of weeks have been truly indescribable and horrific on many different planes. And I am now losing time in ways that are scary and unfamiliar to me. Usually it is too unsafe for me to "fall asleep on the job" because I am my own advocate in a place 1) where many here would rather I die just to save money and 2) where ER idiots and other jackass specialist seem to prefer their own protocols as opposed to proper and nationally recognized life saving, not life ending, protocols.
Therefore, minor setbacks have become, in their hands, major setbacks where not even my bone marrow can produce enough White Blood Cells to keep up with all the various infections. And until these infections resolve enough (body stable enough), brain surgery is not an option. So the tumor and abscess continue growing and doing more irreversible damage. And I remain an immobile captive to this insanity while the world outside moves on. I can not believe they have caused so many iatrogenic outcomes that I am not starting my second fall season in here.
Needless to say, all of it has kicked off a firestorm of PTSD symptoms, which has destabilized me. Making me at times unable to talk to my very empathetic and decent "Uncle Doctor", as I had to give him Medical Power of Attorney to reverse the forced intubation by ER doctors who want the tube to stay in to cover their mistakes and to help mitigate the pending lawsuit.
Anyhow, thank you all for lending an ear to me to get the emotions outside and the anger directed at the appropriate targets or for posting some kind thoughts here or for simply taking/sharing a personal picture to help me chill/escape, or for selflessly stopping by my profile page to offer me a bit of understanding and a lot of encouragement. Thank you most especially to those who see in me what I can not see in myself.
Hugs of respect and humble appreciation,
Alex
You can post any pictures you take with a camera or phone camera. Heck, you could even take a funny picture of your big toe in a funny position and I would still appreciate feeling connected to you (and others who so choose to be here on this thread), especially when I do not have wifi but can see the pictures on the flat screen tv.
I honestly think staff is being extremely cautious as this area of "free" photo sharing versus paid license for permission to use a "for sale image" is pretty murky territory.
It saddens me too, so perhaps I will look into it more and ask my professional photography resources, including lawyers specializing in artistic licensing and reproduction/use online, for where things stand today. However, right now I feel staff is trying to protect this site and its members from any harm by keeping everyone informed.
So here is my designed background for my current virtual saltwater fish tank:
This is from the very last camping trip I took with my grandmother before Alzheimer's got the best of her. It is downstream one of the 14 waterfalls at this national park near the Delaware Water Gap, which ironically is not in Delaware but NE Pennsylvania:
Here is one of my all time favorites from a PA state park near my last home. It is typical for this particular region of PA where cover bridged are abundant, where Pennsylvania Dutch (actually German) red the table instead of clear the table, where you actually have to drive through the town of "Intercourse" to get to the town of "Paradise", where one of the largest population of Amish live (I would have been shunned for a whole host of reasons :)), and where the movie "Witness" with Harrison Ford was filmed:
And this is one of my sons, who sends me this postcard just begging for me to come home, especially in time for winter as he needs his own personal heater. I miss him and his brother. His name is Justice and was one of two half siblings I named Liberty and Justice Fur Ball one day prior to 9/11/2001 and brought home one day after that tragedy. He is cute, right?:
And finally this is for all of you and was taken at Asateague Island, the Maryland side of the same island as Chincoteague, where Ponies and Cattle Egrets team up to beat those pesky beach horse flies and mosquitoes. Not a bad deal for either party:
These past couple of weeks have been truly indescribable and horrific on many different planes. And I am now losing time in ways that are scary and unfamiliar to me. Usually it is too unsafe for me to "fall asleep on the job" because I am my own advocate in a place 1) where many here would rather I die just to save money and 2) where ER idiots and other jackass specialist seem to prefer their own protocols as opposed to proper and nationally recognized life saving, not life ending, protocols.
Therefore, minor setbacks have become, in their hands, major setbacks where not even my bone marrow can produce enough White Blood Cells to keep up with all the various infections. And until these infections resolve enough (body stable enough), brain surgery is not an option. So the tumor and abscess continue growing and doing more irreversible damage. And I remain an immobile captive to this insanity while the world outside moves on. I can not believe they have caused so many iatrogenic outcomes that I am not starting my second fall season in here.
Needless to say, all of it has kicked off a firestorm of PTSD symptoms, which has destabilized me. Making me at times unable to talk to my very empathetic and decent "Uncle Doctor", as I had to give him Medical Power of Attorney to reverse the forced intubation by ER doctors who want the tube to stay in to cover their mistakes and to help mitigate the pending lawsuit.
Anyhow, thank you all for lending an ear to me to get the emotions outside and the anger directed at the appropriate targets or for posting some kind thoughts here or for simply taking/sharing a personal picture to help me chill/escape, or for selflessly stopping by my profile page to offer me a bit of understanding and a lot of encouragement. Thank you most especially to those who see in me what I can not see in myself.
Hugs of respect and humble appreciation,
Alex
D
Deleted member 12723
Alex, thank you for the pics. They were enjoyable. I am waiting to get a good camera. I thought I would get one at christmas. It is just around the corner.
Thank you for the update on you. You are in my prayers. I really hope something good happens for you. You have been through so much. My husband has parkinsons and lewy body dementia. He is not doing so good today. I read your grandmother had Alzheimers? How did you cope with that?
Thank you for staying in contact. I really appreciate it so much. I am rooting for you. Big hugs.
Thank you for the update on you. You are in my prayers. I really hope something good happens for you. You have been through so much. My husband has parkinsons and lewy body dementia. He is not doing so good today. I read your grandmother had Alzheimers? How did you cope with that?
Thank you for staying in contact. I really appreciate it so much. I am rooting for you. Big hugs.
Icon Nikon
Gold Member
Gizmo,
I am fried right now, but I would be glad to chat in PC with you or on a thread you may have already started. Just I need to rest my eyes a bit.
What I can tell you, both with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's and with only reading some of your postings, is that due to my past I was silent for the first 20 years of my life. And I was the primary caretaker for my grandmother, just for context.
The overarching thing that I spent much time tuning into were her nonverbal cues and communication (not just body language as that is just a tiny piece of all the info available). And we spent much time doing things that did not demand oral skills, which just frustrated the heck out of her and most others.
Caring for her was not easy by any means as the person you loves starts to not know you. However because I tuned into her needs at that level we went for car rides, watched endless old shows because she felt comfortable with the old format (she would wake up to hear intro music, then when it was mostly talking she would dose, but as soon as the ending music came on she woke up and was less restless), dug out and played old hymns and music that my grandfather/her church had played, took here to a quiet stream where she could watch and listen to the birds, we even went on paddle boats as her muscle memory was still there for rote activities, and so on.
Oh and hold conversations with yourself, because, much like a baby, the structure of communications is comforting as long as the speaking demands on them do not leave them excessively frustrated. And just smiling and laughing at anything, even your laugh, helps them release internal strife. Being around kids where there is not too much noise or where they can watch from a distance can be helpful. I also used my pets to help comfort her until she, like many females in the later stages Alzheimer's benefit from a realistic feeling doll (men tend to prefer realistic feeling dogs) as it taps into there long term feeling memories and does help them to process their lives, albeit non verbally.
And yes, I did get a set of reindeer bells and hung them on my front door and changed all door locks so that the regular lock would lock by turning it one way and the deadbolt would lock my turning it the other way. And so many other small tricks that helped lighten the demands on me so that I did not end up exhausted, sick, and frustrated with her for things that were even more frustrating to her.
Really it is a matter of overriding some of your intellectual reasoning and trying to think on a more emotional level. Of course that all depends on what your husband's current status is on both illnesses. I suppose what I would want you want you to know from my experience is that tuning in on that nonverbal level easy things for them and thereby eases things for you. No, it will never be easy and I do not know how old you/he are, all I know is that you care greatly (and wonder why you are supporting me when caregiver stuff can be so damn hard on the heart) for him and yet feel lost as to how to help him and how to help yourself.
So even though my grandmother did not remember that I was her granddaughter, for much of the time, she mostly smiled when I read what she needed from me. And the last words she ever "spoke out loud" to me while sitting by a lake were (with a smile) "you are such a 'wheat' (sweet) girl"! And in that I knew that I had done right by her.
We both had our bad days but "appreciating the simple things" can still be enjoyed if you are willing to tune in on another level, be open to new ways of interacting (though keep specific routines fairly constant) and new activities, and find some way to grieve what you have lost while finding ways to celebrate what still remains or even what new things emerge. And of course that aspect is will always be harder on a wife or husband. The old saying "growing old together" always implies caring for but few are prepared for when the soul of someone you love begins to be betrayed by their own mind.
(((Gizmo))), I hope I have not said too much as I do not know how to chill in here and am a bit scattered. I also hope it was of some help to you. And as I wrote earlier in this thread, nothing is off topic. Just sometimes easier to talk in other places.
I trust you know by now that what I wrote was from my heart. And some things I did not touch on in this public thread and because I do not have a good enough comprehension of your current situation. I will look at some of your earlier posts, as I mostly tried to give you what helped my grandmother and me as the rest of my family just handed her over to me and then promptly walked away. I hope you have some nearby supports and some time to yourself.
Mostly I hope I have not scared you off or overwhelmed you in any way. I do have a personal experience with both Park and Alz, as well as, professional experience with Alz, though I must say the learned knowledge may have helped me to painful aspects of her not knowing who I was, but much of what was helpful came from those years of silent observation.
It is was so hard to be in 3 realities with her with 9/11 happened. I was kind of happy that she dI not see that. But it was so hard to sit there with her and try so hard to smile and calm her down because her regular shows were not on, all while experiencing something completely different inside me.
I live not far from where the third plane went down. And there was a gay male on that flight who was involved with storming the cockpit. He gave his life so that others could live and yet he as a gay man in this country died a hero, though he never lived free or with equal rights in this country.
But a strange thing happened because I again listened to her unrest, her disrupted routine, and her frustration. I watched some of the coverage with her dozing or occasionally looking at the tv and seeing the dogs as miniature ponies she saw each morning she drove to work. However she badly messed up her words and said "cute {first two letters of horse}. And in that moment I laughed and cried.
Nevertheless she was still not content that day, and even though I strongly dislike organized religions especially because most have past harsh judgments upon me for being gay, I knew what religion meant to her and she never passed judgment on me. So I went looking for the Bible that she and my grandfather shared and started reading to her the most worn or most bookmarked pages and the most highlighted verses. And not only did it give her some peace, but I learnt a whole new side to her, her private spiritual side. And in an odd way it enabled me to live in all 3 realities without denying any of them. And what she highlighted most in the Bible were about love - the love she showed me while trying to survived my childhood, the love she felt for her one an only husband who died 30 years prior to her, the love I still felt for her, and now the love you clearly feel for your husband.
I will hush now, because I have written too much as is. Plus the staff here keeps taking wifi away - deeming it harmful.
So if I have not messed up above, feel free to contact me in PC if you think I could help you in any way.
Strength-Giving Hugs,
Alex
I am fried right now, but I would be glad to chat in PC with you or on a thread you may have already started. Just I need to rest my eyes a bit.
What I can tell you, both with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's and with only reading some of your postings, is that due to my past I was silent for the first 20 years of my life. And I was the primary caretaker for my grandmother, just for context.
The overarching thing that I spent much time tuning into were her nonverbal cues and communication (not just body language as that is just a tiny piece of all the info available). And we spent much time doing things that did not demand oral skills, which just frustrated the heck out of her and most others.
Caring for her was not easy by any means as the person you loves starts to not know you. However because I tuned into her needs at that level we went for car rides, watched endless old shows because she felt comfortable with the old format (she would wake up to hear intro music, then when it was mostly talking she would dose, but as soon as the ending music came on she woke up and was less restless), dug out and played old hymns and music that my grandfather/her church had played, took here to a quiet stream where she could watch and listen to the birds, we even went on paddle boats as her muscle memory was still there for rote activities, and so on.
Oh and hold conversations with yourself, because, much like a baby, the structure of communications is comforting as long as the speaking demands on them do not leave them excessively frustrated. And just smiling and laughing at anything, even your laugh, helps them release internal strife. Being around kids where there is not too much noise or where they can watch from a distance can be helpful. I also used my pets to help comfort her until she, like many females in the later stages Alzheimer's benefit from a realistic feeling doll (men tend to prefer realistic feeling dogs) as it taps into there long term feeling memories and does help them to process their lives, albeit non verbally.
And yes, I did get a set of reindeer bells and hung them on my front door and changed all door locks so that the regular lock would lock by turning it one way and the deadbolt would lock my turning it the other way. And so many other small tricks that helped lighten the demands on me so that I did not end up exhausted, sick, and frustrated with her for things that were even more frustrating to her.
Really it is a matter of overriding some of your intellectual reasoning and trying to think on a more emotional level. Of course that all depends on what your husband's current status is on both illnesses. I suppose what I would want you want you to know from my experience is that tuning in on that nonverbal level easy things for them and thereby eases things for you. No, it will never be easy and I do not know how old you/he are, all I know is that you care greatly (and wonder why you are supporting me when caregiver stuff can be so damn hard on the heart) for him and yet feel lost as to how to help him and how to help yourself.
So even though my grandmother did not remember that I was her granddaughter, for much of the time, she mostly smiled when I read what she needed from me. And the last words she ever "spoke out loud" to me while sitting by a lake were (with a smile) "you are such a 'wheat' (sweet) girl"! And in that I knew that I had done right by her.
We both had our bad days but "appreciating the simple things" can still be enjoyed if you are willing to tune in on another level, be open to new ways of interacting (though keep specific routines fairly constant) and new activities, and find some way to grieve what you have lost while finding ways to celebrate what still remains or even what new things emerge. And of course that aspect is will always be harder on a wife or husband. The old saying "growing old together" always implies caring for but few are prepared for when the soul of someone you love begins to be betrayed by their own mind.
(((Gizmo))), I hope I have not said too much as I do not know how to chill in here and am a bit scattered. I also hope it was of some help to you. And as I wrote earlier in this thread, nothing is off topic. Just sometimes easier to talk in other places.
I trust you know by now that what I wrote was from my heart. And some things I did not touch on in this public thread and because I do not have a good enough comprehension of your current situation. I will look at some of your earlier posts, as I mostly tried to give you what helped my grandmother and me as the rest of my family just handed her over to me and then promptly walked away. I hope you have some nearby supports and some time to yourself.
Mostly I hope I have not scared you off or overwhelmed you in any way. I do have a personal experience with both Park and Alz, as well as, professional experience with Alz, though I must say the learned knowledge may have helped me to painful aspects of her not knowing who I was, but much of what was helpful came from those years of silent observation.
It is was so hard to be in 3 realities with her with 9/11 happened. I was kind of happy that she dI not see that. But it was so hard to sit there with her and try so hard to smile and calm her down because her regular shows were not on, all while experiencing something completely different inside me.
I live not far from where the third plane went down. And there was a gay male on that flight who was involved with storming the cockpit. He gave his life so that others could live and yet he as a gay man in this country died a hero, though he never lived free or with equal rights in this country.
But a strange thing happened because I again listened to her unrest, her disrupted routine, and her frustration. I watched some of the coverage with her dozing or occasionally looking at the tv and seeing the dogs as miniature ponies she saw each morning she drove to work. However she badly messed up her words and said "cute {first two letters of horse}. And in that moment I laughed and cried.
Nevertheless she was still not content that day, and even though I strongly dislike organized religions especially because most have past harsh judgments upon me for being gay, I knew what religion meant to her and she never passed judgment on me. So I went looking for the Bible that she and my grandfather shared and started reading to her the most worn or most bookmarked pages and the most highlighted verses. And not only did it give her some peace, but I learnt a whole new side to her, her private spiritual side. And in an odd way it enabled me to live in all 3 realities without denying any of them. And what she highlighted most in the Bible were about love - the love she showed me while trying to survived my childhood, the love she felt for her one an only husband who died 30 years prior to her, the love I still felt for her, and now the love you clearly feel for your husband.
I will hush now, because I have written too much as is. Plus the staff here keeps taking wifi away - deeming it harmful.
So if I have not messed up above, feel free to contact me in PC if you think I could help you in any way.
Strength-Giving Hugs,
Alex
Icon Nikon
Gold Member
Movin'On:
How did you end up with that gorgeous view? I am jealous :)! I have traveled to all 48 continental states except Texas and Washington, and was trying to guess what state you mostly likely lived, but can not. I only had it narrowed down to the NE. And possibly the Adirondacks. I was kind of close.
I wanted to leave a little note here for you, as there seems to be a healthy and helpful connection. However, I also wanted to see if I might be able to give a little something back to Gizmo, as I, for some reason (a block of some sort) have read posts about her current situation, but my brain will not connect her narrative with her avatar.
Very odd what my brain is and is not doing. Right now I should be passed out from utter exhaustion or at the very least resting, but instead I am utterly restless and without any ice cream. I could ask for some tea (I hate staff having control over such basic things) but then I would need to go to the bathroom and that, esp right now, is setting of all sorts of old trauma sensations and associated "get the he*l out of here", even though I know that my body can not move on its own (except my hands and left wrist/forearm).
Crazy! Nonetheless I "wore out my eyes and fingers" in my previous post. I hope you can understand and will forgive me. I do not wish to dismiss your steadfast encouragement, with or without images, which tends to give rise to an internal smile.
I am not sure what exactly has drawn you to this thread and I would like to read more of your posts so I have a better sense as to whom I am speaking with/to. And trust me, I will when able.
I also feel as if you might believe that you are not much help to me. That is absolutely inaccurate and to be quite frank partly or mostly my fault. I generally am busy in my head trying to get prepared for the next "adventure" in here, them using all resources within me to get beyond that so called adventure without experiencing additional harm that feels next to impossible to reverse.
When over, I then attempt to make sense out of the many conflicting messages and write notes/questions in my iTouch, which usually leaves me mentally spent and fairly deflated (if not completely hopeless) by the time wifi access is granted that day/night.
In addition, this never ending virus/infection which my body can not seem to overcome just adds more stress to the equation. And the recent medical battle that ensued and the setbacks that resulted from the negligent, if not malicious, ER staff mistreatment during and while i was intubated surely only made things that much worse.
Also the battle my doctor and I had to wage against the other doctors, the hospital admin, and my insurance companies (including the not so easy task of me needing to give my doctor medical power of attorney over my life ) of course only added more fuel to the stress fire!
However, aside from all that, I do not tend to write that much about my experience. It kind of comes down to the thought that if I can not even adequately summarize one week of my existence in here in terms of just the events, then how can I expect anyone else to fully grasp my lived experience or my raw sense of feeling completely deflated? I know some, of course, do relate to my experiences based on what they themselves are currently/medically dealing with. Yet no matter how educated I am, I still can not truly explain the cruel insanity that i must experience and manage every single day.
However, despite ALL of that, you found a way to genuinely help me by expressing the anger I was incapable of feeling. And even though I generally feel too alone too defeated, you (and others) keep helping me summon my internal anger so that I may use it to propel me forward.
So thanks again (((Movin'On))) for validating the unjust treatment that was eliminating all hope, while also demonstrating in your own words the outrage you felt from purely reading about it. In a way the anger posted here in this thread in recent days has somehow given me permission to dig deep and access at least some of my own inner anger but without me turning that anger back on me.
So please do not hesitate to ask me for help, since I owe you and all the others on here so very much. I must go
for now, sorry! Hope this is somewhat coherent.
Sorry for all the typos and over-talk. I am having trouble being clear and concise at this moment. I guess as my former therapist once said, "I am being anything but parsimonious with my words and likely making up for all those years where my voice was silenced", and she would be correct (tho she is dead :'(.
Now that is just a part of why being intubated terrifies me, the reality part being that each time they insert that tube, they further damage my vocal chords and as of right now, only one side vibrates as it should. So I always fear that the next time they intubate me, I will lose my voice for good, and that makes me scared and sad.
Big Hugs!
Alex
How did you end up with that gorgeous view? I am jealous :)! I have traveled to all 48 continental states except Texas and Washington, and was trying to guess what state you mostly likely lived, but can not. I only had it narrowed down to the NE. And possibly the Adirondacks. I was kind of close.
I wanted to leave a little note here for you, as there seems to be a healthy and helpful connection. However, I also wanted to see if I might be able to give a little something back to Gizmo, as I, for some reason (a block of some sort) have read posts about her current situation, but my brain will not connect her narrative with her avatar.
Very odd what my brain is and is not doing. Right now I should be passed out from utter exhaustion or at the very least resting, but instead I am utterly restless and without any ice cream. I could ask for some tea (I hate staff having control over such basic things) but then I would need to go to the bathroom and that, esp right now, is setting of all sorts of old trauma sensations and associated "get the he*l out of here", even though I know that my body can not move on its own (except my hands and left wrist/forearm).
Crazy! Nonetheless I "wore out my eyes and fingers" in my previous post. I hope you can understand and will forgive me. I do not wish to dismiss your steadfast encouragement, with or without images, which tends to give rise to an internal smile.
I am not sure what exactly has drawn you to this thread and I would like to read more of your posts so I have a better sense as to whom I am speaking with/to. And trust me, I will when able.
I also feel as if you might believe that you are not much help to me. That is absolutely inaccurate and to be quite frank partly or mostly my fault. I generally am busy in my head trying to get prepared for the next "adventure" in here, them using all resources within me to get beyond that so called adventure without experiencing additional harm that feels next to impossible to reverse.
When over, I then attempt to make sense out of the many conflicting messages and write notes/questions in my iTouch, which usually leaves me mentally spent and fairly deflated (if not completely hopeless) by the time wifi access is granted that day/night.
In addition, this never ending virus/infection which my body can not seem to overcome just adds more stress to the equation. And the recent medical battle that ensued and the setbacks that resulted from the negligent, if not malicious, ER staff mistreatment during and while i was intubated surely only made things that much worse.
Also the battle my doctor and I had to wage against the other doctors, the hospital admin, and my insurance companies (including the not so easy task of me needing to give my doctor medical power of attorney over my life ) of course only added more fuel to the stress fire!
However, aside from all that, I do not tend to write that much about my experience. It kind of comes down to the thought that if I can not even adequately summarize one week of my existence in here in terms of just the events, then how can I expect anyone else to fully grasp my lived experience or my raw sense of feeling completely deflated? I know some, of course, do relate to my experiences based on what they themselves are currently/medically dealing with. Yet no matter how educated I am, I still can not truly explain the cruel insanity that i must experience and manage every single day.
However, despite ALL of that, you found a way to genuinely help me by expressing the anger I was incapable of feeling. And even though I generally feel too alone too defeated, you (and others) keep helping me summon my internal anger so that I may use it to propel me forward.
So thanks again (((Movin'On))) for validating the unjust treatment that was eliminating all hope, while also demonstrating in your own words the outrage you felt from purely reading about it. In a way the anger posted here in this thread in recent days has somehow given me permission to dig deep and access at least some of my own inner anger but without me turning that anger back on me.
So please do not hesitate to ask me for help, since I owe you and all the others on here so very much. I must go
for now, sorry! Hope this is somewhat coherent.
Sorry for all the typos and over-talk. I am having trouble being clear and concise at this moment. I guess as my former therapist once said, "I am being anything but parsimonious with my words and likely making up for all those years where my voice was silenced", and she would be correct (tho she is dead :'(.
Now that is just a part of why being intubated terrifies me, the reality part being that each time they insert that tube, they further damage my vocal chords and as of right now, only one side vibrates as it should. So I always fear that the next time they intubate me, I will lose my voice for good, and that makes me scared and sad.
Big Hugs!
Alex
- Post starter
- #286
KP the nut
VIP Member
((((Alex)))).
Some lovely poppies for you.
Some lovely poppies for you.
Whitneys story
Diamond Member
((((((((((Alex)))))))))) From everything I have learned the most beneficial part of healing is getting our feelings out. You have an incredible talent for writing.
I have said for years I can't get out of my own way. I am still new, I gain daily from your strength. I still have not unpacked my camera. My trip was from the desert to the sea. Known as the rainy state yet a majority of it is desert.
It angers me that they are controlling your voice and rest. Hugs Whitney
I have said for years I can't get out of my own way. I am still new, I gain daily from your strength. I still have not unpacked my camera. My trip was from the desert to the sea. Known as the rainy state yet a majority of it is desert.
It angers me that they are controlling your voice and rest. Hugs Whitney
Dear Alex,
Nothing is further from the truth! I do not feel in the least slighted. It gives me joy and comfort to know that I am in some small way easing the boredom, terror and frustration of your days.
I was hospitalized for a month as a child. Not a long time compared to your current horror, but endless to a child. Somehow I feel my inner heart is pulled to you and your bravery in such an unbearable situation.
I find myself enjoying thinking of and taking photos to post on your thread. The visual of you looking at all the photos that everyone posts here and escaping your room for a bit is somehow comforting to me.
If it is OK, I would like to continue as we have begun, and please do not feel you need to respond to every post I make. It is enough to know you enjoy the diversion.
M'O
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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
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