Relationship Supporters: What Is The One (or A Few) Thing(s)?

[caligirl03]

@Fadeaway I see what you're saying. Overall would be great. I'll let other sufferers speak as to best coping strategies while in the middle of being triggered.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

"What can I do for you right now?"

Hmmm, will need to figure out how to rephrase that to not sound like a question for a spouse as that sounds weird to me to ask my dad & step mom lol. But a good one.

when you are triggered, it is pretty much impossible for us to think.."Oh I think I am going to go journal in the midst of this massive flashback." You develop those healthy habits to lessen the frequency of symptoms, not as a go to activity when you are triggered.

Very true. When triggered I loose all abilty to think clearly at all and am flooded with extreme emotions and huge amounts of urges to cut or something up that alley.

But I guess in general, when not triggered I still sound annoyed a lot and overall have no patience at all which makes me super hard to live with so I guess I am looking for quick ways to change some easy stuff in general, not triggered. I know that when triggered all of this will go out the window.

 

[Snowflakes]

@lostforgottensoul I'vet been reading this thread, more than a few times, in the hopes of gaining insight. By you asking the question, I'm beginning to see why you do what you do which I transfer to my sufferer to why she does what she does. The biggest confusion in my heart is I can't for the life of me figure out why I, the one who loves and supports her the most, must pay for the sins of her past. Your talking about triggers has helped me. I truly hope you find the answers you're looking for. Thank you very much.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You're welcome @Snowflakes! I'm glad I could help! That's hard to directly answer as most of what I do I can't help. I guess I am trying, with this thread, to be more aware and help what I can help. If that makes sense.

 

[dulcia]

Tell the truth.
Say you're sorry when I cry, even if you don't know why it's happening.
Be straightforward/upfront/honest in therapy.
More hugs.

 

[dulcia]

Say out loud to me "I'm angry" if you're getting angry or "I'm getting angry" if you're getting close.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Tell the truth.

I do that for sure.

Say you're sorry

I do that as well after I explode or and after I do something wrong when I know I did something wrong. I also then punish myself but dont tell anyone.

Say out loud to me "I'm angry"

or "I'm getting angry"

Hmmm, not sure if that wording will work fot my dad & step mom as they say things that REALLY dont help the matter but I can think of wording that means pretty much the same that would work.

 

[Fadeaway]

@tiredtexan I think that is pretty reasonable PTSD or not.

Say you're sorry when I cry, even if you don't know why it's happening.

Can I add to this, that if you do say sorry, don't pout like a 3 year old child when you say it?

 

[Friday]

You develop those healthy habits to lessen the frequency of symptoms, not as a go to activity when you are triggered.

Actually... It does get there, at least IME. To either the ability to yank a panic attack back down to earth by the collar/ stop a flashback cold; or the point that one can either make a split second decision to respond one way, instead of another; or -ideally- both.

Case in point, the last time I beat the hell out of someone -or attempted to- was a very, very, long time ago. Although I've come very close to letting go entirely, it's something I usually keep on a very short leash. So that even when surprised, and as bad as everything else has been the past few years, I rarely lose control entirely. And when I do, it's been by choice. Can keep a grip, long enough, to be able to choose where I direct that BS. That's what I used to do when triggered, no pause, no control no discipline. Bam! Physical violence. But? Just because every instinct in my body says do THIS? Doesn't mean I have to do it. Whether it's shred someone, something, or myself. Whether that's lash out physically, verbally, or emotionally. I don't have to rage, or cry, or kill myself, or shake, or puke, or lose my emotions, or run, or anything else. No matter how much I want to, & no matter how automatic & seeming as if there is no space between stimulus & response; I can stop myself, gain control, and do something else. With practice.

Lessing the frequency of panic attacks is one thing. An awesome thing. But learning to control them? To not only make them shorter & the recovery time faster, but to also control what happens IN them? Is another thing. Equally real & possible. Grounding & slowing things down is a huge part of that.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I can stop myself, gain control, and do something else. With practice.

Bolded for emphasis.

It took a HUGE amount of practice or trying or whatever to feel the explosions coming on so I can remove myself from the situation or at least warn. Its only a sec or so of a warning. Before that it was just BAM, calm then blind explosions from what looked like completely no where. That alone took a lot and for ever of doing. Practicing or trying or whatever. My thing is I wanted to do things I dont have to practice and go "just do". Not that I dont want to not practice stuff, I do. I want to fully stop exploding and not be hard to live with at all but, for now, I just wanted to find some now things I can change.

But thats a good point. That with practice anyone can learn to control anything.