Managing symptoms and stress in a relationship (supporters welcome)

Friday

Moderator
I'm not completely sure what you mean by this? Sorry if I am being dense
People isolate in different ways. And are okay with different kinds of isolating in others.

For example, some people are perfectly fine dating someone who needs to isolate for several weeks, as long as they get a text once a day, or a text once a week. Or simply show up at the end of an allotted time period, even if they need to take off, right away. For others? If someone is gone for a day, that’s the end. And 10,000 variations in between.

***

My own self I tend to carve out some time daily, and every 3 months take a week or three. <<< If I CANNOT do this? I stop being able to proactively manage my stress levels, it starts becoming reactive instead, and I lose contact with people for YEARS at a time. >>> So IF I want to lead a relatively normal life with work/family/friends/social circles? I really have to build in these cushions.

I’ve dated people who cannot handle that. Much less the “in event of emergency break glass” forms of isolation that thunk down in other situations where my tools are simply not up to the task & I just have to *poof* for awhile. (Yo! Timeouts are SACRED. If I don’t cool my jets, am not “allowed” to step away for 15min-15hours, however long I need to let hot emotion be replaced by cool reason? We’re done. This isn’t going to work. <<< but at the same time? Am tooooootally seduceable. I don’t break up with people for crossing my boundaries. I break up with people for HOW they cross my boundaries. Some of my absolute favourite people/relationships completely ignored my “I need to be alone” moments, and -simply?- supplied waaaay better alternatives. Shrug.)

Conversely? I don’t deal well with someone who isolates like I do. But deal with other types of isolation beautifully.
 

Roland

MyPTSD Pro
People isolate in different ways. And are okay with different kinds of isolating in others.

For example, some people are perfectly fine dating someone who needs to isolate for several weeks, as long as they get a text once a day, or a text once a week. Or simply show up at the end of an allotted time period, even if they need to take off, right away. For others? If someone is gone for a day, that’s the end. And 10,000 variations in between.

***

My own self I tend to carve out some time daily, and every 3 months take a week or three. <<< If I CANNOT do this? I stop being able to proactively manage my stress levels, it starts becoming reactive instead, and I lose contact with people for YEARS at a time. >>> So IF I want to lead a relatively normal life with work/family/friends/social circles? I really have to build in these cushions.

I’ve dated people who cannot handle that. Much less the “in event of emergency break glass” forms of isolation that thunk down in other situations where my tools are simply not up to the task & I just have to *poof* for awhile. (Yo! Timeouts are SACRED. If I don’t cool my jets, am not “allowed” to step away for 15min-15hours, however long I need to let hot emotion be replaced by cool reason? We’re done. This isn’t going to work. <<< but at the same time? Am tooooootally seduceable. I don’t break up with people for crossing my boundaries. I break up with people for HOW they cross my boundaries. Some of my absolute favourite people/relationships completely ignored my “I need to be alone” moments, and -simply?- supplied waaaay better alternatives. Shrug.)

Conversely? I don’t deal well with someone who isolates like I do. But deal with other types of isolation beautifully.
What kind of isolators are you compatible with?
 

Freida

MyPTSD Pro
So IF I want to lead a relatively normal life with work/family/friends/social circles? I really have to build in these cushions.
Yep.
First resonders call it "cave day". Its the day after your week, when you just shut down and try to process the crap that happened over your work week. Usually it's only one day but....

Either way hubby knows I have to have that down time -especially if I'm getting symptomatic. And sometimes I dont' give him any warning, because I don't know ahead of time. Another one of those things you talk about when you are both in a good place, to set the ground rules because it will happen. So anything you can work out ahead of time will help
 
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