Survival Sex

[illusionist]

Well I can positively say you would not be able to carry out any normality of life for quite a while......good point Shimmerz...as always!

Oh and don't forget the waiting on the hiv results coming back!

 

[mytai]

How do you feel about popotentially experiencing what these members did?

Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not saying I'm immune, I'm not minimizing what anyone went through or saying I've gone through everything they have, nor am I saying that it wouldn't affect me negatively. That being said, I have been sold to one individual on two occasions against my will. It was for the benefit of the person selling my body, I did not receive any benefit from either of those times. It was horrible, but I have experienced a lot of trauma in my life. I guess what I'm saying is I don't think someone could surprise me with what they were capable of doing. Through hearing others experiences and living through my own, I know that humans are capable of anything, especially when they feel entitled to something.

How do you feel about popotentially experiencing what these members did? How would that impact your finances/schooling?

I would not welcome experiencing anything that I or other members have gone through, it wouldn't be a positive experience. Provided I was never caught or charged, it would impact my finances in a positive way by either eliminating or lessoning my debt. It would guarantee I wouldn't have to fight for student loans because I wouldn't be automatically denied because of a bankruptcy. I'm not dismissing anything that's being said by my response, just responding to your direct questions.

 

[mytai]

Oh and don't forget the waiting on the hiv results coming back!

Something I've had to experience twice and I'm not even in the sex industry at this point. It's 6 months of torture. People who are intending to abuse you don't care about using protection.

 

[illusionist]

Mytai....so why put yourself at risk...even people who don't wish to abuse you are putting you at risk..accidents happen. I know at that time it was 6 weeks here in the UK, and that was hell on earth. Your mental and physical health are far more important....and things you may not be able to reverse. You cannot be hung for debt.....something that was said to me years ago....so why risk yourself for it.

 

[scout86]

Can you get a student loan and go back to school right NOW? I was thinking about it a bit ago. There was once or twice when I stayed in school just because the job market was so bad I knew I'd be better off living off my student loans and work/study money.

With your car....... again, I don't know about Canada. Here we have "credit counseling" non profits that help people in situations like yours. Free or low cost, as far as I know. They can often help people resolve things with creditors without bankruptcy and know the ins and outs of the system.

I can see where there might be a way to negotiate the car amount down A LOT, by telling them that they basically have a choice between taking "something" less than they're asking or getting nothing, if you file for bankruptcy. They don't have to know you're not going to go ahead and file. All they have to know is you're THINKING about it. Then they can consider their options.

 

[shimmerz]

M ytai, you are focused only on finances when you respond. The positive aspects of this idea. You are saying you feel like you have been traumatized in ways that make you feel like nobody could do anything that would affect you negatively if you take this job. If that is the case then how is it you have been traumatized so often in the past?

These statements of yours seem to be juxtaposed. Is that possible? Am i interpreting

 

[mytai]

@richter scale I said 6 months because in Canada, or at least my province they test you at 3 separate times. Right when you go in, then 3 months later, and again at 6 months. That's for one incident.

an you get a student loan and go back to school right NOW?

I've been accepted to start in 2 months, can't go back any sooner than that.

Here we have "credit counseling" non profits that help people in situations like yours. Free or low cost, as far as I know. They can often help people resolve things with creditors without bankruptcy and know the ins and outs of the system.

I didn't think of that, I will look into it.

I can see where there might be a way to negotiate the car amount down A LOT, by telling them that they basically have a choice between taking "something" less than they're asking or getting nothing, if you file for bankruptcy. They don't have to know you're not going to go ahead and file. All they have to know is you're THINKING about it. Then they can consider their options.

Also didn't think of this, but now that you mentioned it the woman on the phone changed her tune when I told her off handedly that I should just commit suicide and they wouldn't get their money. I was upset so the emotion behind it was there.

You are saying you feel like you have been traumatized in ways that make you feel like nobody could do anything that would affect you negatively if you take this job. If that is the case then how is it you have been traumatized so often in the past?

Not quite what I said. I said it wouldn't surprise me, it would still affect me, but wouldn't surprise me. If you look at previous posts you will see that I have had a history of sexual abuse from a family member, then trusted the wrong person and moved in with them - then they sold me to further their weed habit, and most recently I was assaulted while working a "normal" job.

 

[shimmerz]

Ok. Ty. Just wondering if there could be discussion on how others circumstances noted in these posts might affect you. Financial hopelessness brings you to SI. That is not good. There are some great ideas on this that you say you will follow up on. That is good.

I am not disrespecting you here. You said you wanted discussion. I am just wondering if looking at all angles and not just financial would do this question more justice.

If you are on the board 6 months from now and something has gone wrong with your decision, if you make it in the affirmative, i want to know we covered all bases in looking at potential dangers for you.

 

[illusionist]

my heart goes out to you. You sound so much like I used to think.....nothing can get to me, I've handled so much, I can survive anything....you have handled a lot but the more situations we put ourselves into, or find ourselves in, the more likely the past traumas come tumbling over the top of us.

 

[mytai]

ust wondering if there could be discussion on how others circumstances noted in these posts might affect you.

Absolutely, I'm open to discussion.

I am just wondering if looking at all angles and not just financial would do this question more justice.

Looking at all angles is what I need, the only reason I've considered this as an option is for the financial benefits however temporary.

 

[shimmerz]

Yes, that is what I thought I was seeing. I just hoped to have it become a more balanced discussion. I can see the benefit financially. I am just wondering whether you can see any of the pain in Richter and ayesa 's posts? Can we discuss how you feel about that?

 

[mytai]

@shimmerz I do see the pain in their posts. I'm not blind to that, no matter how calloused I can be sometimes I do still see that and am affected by it (not meant to come across as sarcastic). It is something that scares me, I won't lie that the idea of committing to this scares me. It's not my first choice. It's not that I would want to put myself through further trauma, I just want to get to a place where my financial situation doesn't constantly have me worried, stressed, and so emotionally distraught. That's the driving force for me, I see what going through prolonged financial struggles is doing to me mentally and emotionally, and I want to take that away any way I can. The amount of stress it has been putting on me has made me more depressed and hopeless feeling than I do with just dealing with the trauma itself. I feel like if I could remove this stressor from my life that I would be more capable at handling the emotional trauma in therapy. It's like I start to do better in therapy and emotionally, even though I'm still depressed and just beginning to deal with my traumas seriously, this drags me down so far that it makes the trauma and emotional stuff harder to deal with.