Survived A Decade Of Childhood Torture

[Bythesea]

Hi,
My name is Elle and I have PTSD as a result of (mostly) verbal abuse inflicted on me within a period of ten years. I'd prefer not to go into detail right now. Although it's going on 8 years since the abuse stopped, I am still trying to heal. I don't suppose I will ever be normal but I strive for functional. Thankfully, I've been able to hold down jobs. I approach everyday as a fight to survive, just like I had to fight to survive when I was a five year old child who was essentially thrown out to the wolves.

Learning that monsters live inside all humans (even those who are supposed to protect you) when I was far too young to cope with such a truth has left me with a strong misanthropic sentiment to the point where I even loathe myself. Interestingly enough, it's also instilled a strong need to protect those who can't protect themselves. I hate humans but nobody deserves to suffer. It is perhaps my only saving grace as I am otherwise a vile, disgusting shell of a person.

I probably sound depressed but I'm actually happier now than I ever have been in my life (I don't really remember much from the the pre-truama days). But I still have a long way to go and I hope that this forum can help me in my journey to achieve some peace.

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Marie E.]

Welcome to the forum, I'm very glad you are here!

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome to the Forum! There is so much support, encouragement, and friendship. Though our arrival reasons are all PTSD related and different, there is a commonality in each story of pain. It helps to know you are not alone.

I hope you will pursue healing through every avenue you can find. Multiple ways may be needed, as in my case. Meds, therapy, modifying my behavior, and not listening to my 'inner critic' are always part of my coping 'tool-kit'.
God bless and keep you on your journey!

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Elle (Bythesea). You did right in respecting your limits with your introduction. There is no rush here nor any obligations to dish out what happened or any other sort of details. You will find a great peer support system here, you will meet some great people and make new friends. This is a safe place. There is also a wiki section with good articles which explain what PTSD is all about. Best of luck to you and again welcome, will be looking forward to reading your posts.

 

[Srain]

Welcome to the Forum BytheSea,

It may seem impossible that trauma can catch up to us even as we live a seemly "perfect" life but PTSD is not about the outside it is what HAD occurred and is not resolved as of yet. I, too, found it frustrating that I had finally found the life I had always wanted to live but was unable to shake the past, this is what Complex Trauma is about for me. I was in a place safe enough to finally address it.

As Froggie said, this is a great place for support and information to help you understand what you may be dealing with. Take good care,
Peace,
Rain

 

[angel.of.music]

Welcome to the forum. I understand where you're coming from, having been there myself. Verbal abuse is as damaging as physical abuse, and can affect the rest of your life. I hope through this forum and through therapy (if you choose to seek it) you can gain closure and are able to heal. Good luck on your journey. We're all here for you.

~K

 

[Queen Boudica]

Welcome to the forum.

Verbal abuse. "Stick and stones may hurt my bones but names will never hurt me" So not true. I'd rather sticks and stones Continuous long term verbal abuse damages your brain it destroys your self esteem, your confidence, your love of yourself and opens the door to further abuse.

Can so relate to the monsters that live inside the humans that were supposed to protect you.

I hope you continue to be happy and that this forum helps you to stay that way.

 

[pi314159]

Welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry you had to go through 10 years of verbal abuse. It seems impossible to recover from the horrible and hurtful things people say to us. I'm left hating myself because of the things people have said and done to me but all we can do is try to believe we deserve good things in life and work towards happiness.

 

[CaringMomma]

... a strong need to protect those who can't protect themselves. I hate humans but nobody deserves to suffer. It is perhaps my only saving grace as I am otherwise a vile, disgusting shell of a person.

These words speak volumes to my own feelings, as well. Welcome to the forum Bythesea! I've only been on for a couple of days, but have already found some solace here. Hoping and praying that you find the same.