Ecdysis
MyPTSD Pro
Would it be worth searching for a therapist with this background @boppy sprite ? I researched this stuff a couple of years back, because as a person with PTSD, you tend to meet other ppl with PTSD as you go through life, and someone very close to me had gone through quite extreme forms of torture and even with a lifetime's worth of PTSD knowledge/ experience/ learning/ skills/ research, I found that torture is an entirely different category all of its own and for a long time it really messed with my mind... Took quite a lot of research/ reframing/ learning to get to a point where my brain even felt able to cope with the effects of torture (many years in the past) on someone else in my life.
On my own PTSD / trauma therapy journey, I've found it makes a million times of a difference if you research and look and wait for someone who's really skilled at dealing with PTSD/ your particular kind of trauma. The treatment they provide can be massively helpful, whereas treatment "attempts" by those who are simply not that specialised can be useless or even harmful. When I was researching it, I simply started looking for torture survivor support places, trauma places specialising in treatment of torture survivors, etc and then weeded out all the places that didn't apply - for example, some of these places were specifically directed towards refugees who had experienced political torture in a war zone, etc. which was not applicable in this case.
Edit to add: I think it can be... kind of an issue of "Do I deserve such specialist care?" for a lot of us... Say, if in your country there's only 3 trauma therapists nation-wide specialising in the treatment of torture survivors, it can be a thing of "Do I really need/ deserve to be one of the few patients treated by these specialists?" At least it was for me. I ended up doing 2 inpatient stays at one of the 3 best trauma clinics in my country. It was definitely worth it. Seeking quality treatment is a seriously good investment. One of the (unexpected) "benefits" of receiving appropriate levels of care like that is that there will be a range of patients at these treatment providers and in all likelihood, you *won't* actually be the worst case that particular T has ever dealt with. It's very humbling to either see (in an inpatient setting) or hear of (anonymously, of course) other patients that your T describes to you, whose stories are literally far worse than the one you're carrying around. While you wish that fate on no-one, it's a relief of sorts to a) know that other people have successfully gone through treatment and survived and recovered from stuff that's undeniably worse than your own situation and b) it's definitely reassuring to know that your T has guided patients who have gone through far worse trauma than you, and therefore is basically not shocked or unsettled by what you describe because they've heard this kind of stuff and much worse so many times before. (I've worded that poorly - my brain's fried - I hope reading between the lines, it's understandable what I'm trying to say and that I've not inadvertently expressed it in a way that seems callous or offensive)
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I managed to hang on long enough not to remove it and then, went, oh good, that's there. Gonna never show my face again. Gd. Sorry. Idk what f*cking prompted me to do that. I guess the discussion right above. It's a weakness of some kind, and the only thing I can do when I find a weakness in my character is fly at it over and over again, NON PLUS ULTRA. 
of you and I don’t even know you. I am sobbing for you. The child who didn’t get to be a child. I am so infuriated nobody protected that child you were. How effing dare anyone strip a child of their innocence. It just breaks my heart into a million pieces.
