Survived Deposition

[Gloria]

(((Gloria))), yes you are blessed.

Take all the time you need, work with your horses, I find animals peaceful and calming and when with them they are all I think about.


I wish you well
KP

Thanks KP. I have seen people let an incident destroy their happiness. I feel that life will never be perfect and I just have to grasp every little bit of joy that I can!
Joy and peace and love to you!!
Gloria

 

[mamachick]

Gloria,
Your loosing against the police is not at all a reflection about you or the truth. As you know, I let my statute of limitations expire (actually my attorney did). It was bittersweet for me as it consumed me and there was relief in not having to do it. Yet I was further let down know there is not justice. For me, the money was never an issue. I have advocated for women for years, many who have claimed local police abuse. Since I was not there, I could only help with what the said their experience was. When it happened to me, it removed any doubt that others were exaggerating.

For me, I am learning to accept that the injustice exists, and pretending that I am blessed would only prolong the realities of life. Dont get me wrong, a positive attitude and gratitude will influence the outcome. I just think it is important to allow all of the steps toward healing, (anger, sadness, distrust///gratitude, humor, etc). You are right, do not let this incident destroy you. I don't know the role of others and their influence in your lawsuit, but I think at the end of the day, it is important to consider our motivation clearly and own it, because whatever it is, it is what drives us.

For me, I will never be the same after being assaulted my a cop. As Maya Angelou said "We will be changed my what happens to us, but we can choose to not be reduced". That is my inspiration. There will be no justice in my case, but I can choose to see the cop as weak and sick, and thats not so hard to do. A healthy strong man would not have reacted as he did. Through my thinking I can forgive (Im still only partially there). It sure beats the ugly fantasies I had about bad things happening to him, and even others who failed to protect me, and had the power to do so.

My fear and anger following this led me to return to a relationship that was unhealthy and was the cause of the incident in the first place. Acting on those emotions and re-involving myself in that relationship got me kidnapped and almost killed. Our emotions are present in our thinking and we must accept that. So all I am saying is acknowledge them when you go out and start meeting new people. I have been where you are. I felt defeated-once again. I hear you saying that you need to get out and meet people and have fun, and also isolate. We took on project that consume a lot of our thoughts for a long time, now have to find other things to consume our thoughts. Just be patient with yourself and reach out to people who are safe and healthy for you to vent with.

Again, loosing is not a reflection of anything. My daughter witnessed this 3 yrs ago. She is now in law school. Last week they were discussing lawsuits against police officers in class. After going over several laws, the professor asked "so how do you when against police?" The answer was-you don't. The law is designed so that they can always say their reaction was based on their belief (you had a weapon, were going to hit them, etc). As long as they though or believe-even though it was the truth, they are not held accountable. They are always acting in good faith even when they shoot an unarmed person in the back. They are protected almost no matter what they do. As huge of an injustice as that might be-it is what it is. Only you, the officer, and God know the truth.

Im sorry this did not turn out in your favor, however, I am glad for you that it is over and you can start healing. Now it is time for you. Don't let this occupy anymore space in your brain. For me it is a lesson in the company that I kept. In the unethical people (boyfriends) that must win, even if they have to watch a woman be assaulted. The fact that all men benefit from the abusive men. A man gets credit just for not being abusive. Even men that dont hit will exert power through the good old boy system of male police force. Im not fighting it anymore-just accepting it. Women have power too. We can learn to identify it and how we use it-and how we want to use it in the future.
Thinking of you and keep in touch and keep sharing your thoughts and progress, there is healing after this.
Hugs

 

[The Albatross]

Rest, recover, and heal Gloria. It can be sad and disheartening to realize that the people who love you can be self serving and still cause harm, even when they are ex's. But you weren't hospitalized and you didn't commit suicide through the course of this. You reaffirmed why he is you EX. Peace, be with you and glad you realized when it was time to move on. So many stay stuck.

 

[Gloria]

Dear Brat and Alby,

You know what I did just think that this being over was make me into a new person. Then all of a sudden it hit me hard. I have this very rational mind and can solve math problems and I'm a geek. It has been a struggle all my life between my rational and emotional self. Since I started learning about ACOA, I understand and am kinder to the little Gloria who comes out every now and again. It creeps me out when I see the picture of the baby monkey hanging on to the metal "mother" monkey instead of going to the bottle. You know the experience. We have this very deep need for parents. Whan I see that picture, I feel like that baby monkee. Sometimes I feel like my brain was so fried at a young age that I should stop trying. But after rationalizing so well that this justice occurs all the time, I suddenly felt the need to cry. It was not about the money. My ex was going to take the money because that was our agreement and at my deposition, I simply asked for them to admit they made a mistake and apologize and that I didn't want money. But they refused to even apologize.

Well, I certainly got a legal education out of this mess. There is what is called police immunity and so anything that a reasonable police officer would deem necessary is condoned. Well, I laugh because how many reasonable police officers do you meet? Try reasoning with an officer when you don't have your seat belt on. Whatever. My emotional reaction took me by surprise. I really thought that it would be over but I feel weird. I thought the world was an unsafe place but was sure that the police would get in trouble. Now, that I can't take any more, they are safe but I am not.

Sorry to disappoint you Alby but I did get hospitalized three times since the assault. The one time, my ex was with me in the intake and he told them that he thought that it was a good idea to force me to try to kill myself because then I would see that I didnt' really want to. Anyway, they wouldn't allow him near me and they had me hospitalized and put on suicide watch. The other two times I was hospitalized because I was loosing it. I was so stressed out and nothing could make me sleep because the nightmares were so horrible.

It's so strange to start over. I don't want to see my ex but he is a bastard and drives the road that connects to my house all the time. At first it bothered me but a restraining order can't stop it. It's a public road. But he lied - flat out lied at the deposition. It would almost be funny if it wasn't so sick but each of the officers had a totally different story about my "attacking" them. Two admitted that I was sitting on the ground but one said that I was running at them. The whole thing is ridiculous? If there was one police officer and I was on drugs MAYBE I might do something stupid but I don't even drink and all three were twice my weight - each one! Whatever!

The only money thing that worries me is what I owe my therapist who was not charging me until I got settlement. I owe her big bucks plus my lawyer says I owe administrative costs of $5,000. Well, my only income is disability and I don't own the farm. My sons does so I know they can't garnish disability. I doubt if either one of them would take me to court. But the thing is that I know I owe them money and can't pay it back and feel bad. The economy is so bad that another eBay store went out of business. There are so many people selling stuff that prices have gone down on everything. For goodness sake, houses in our neighborhood are only worth half of what they were last year and so many abandoned houses everywhere.

I see my therapist on Friday. I need to work really hard now to overcome this yucky feeling that I get because they dug through my entire life and made fun of me at the deposition. Whatever!

Thanks for all your support. If I didn't have this forum, chances are I would be dead right now. It helped so much to hear other women's stories about getting assaulted by the police. I can relate to how they feel. I love that quote.

Hugs,
Gloria

 

[mamachick]

Well you hang in there lady. I have been where you are and it does get better-I promise. I know that I often avoid feeling and analyze everything-sometimes to death.. I know what it feels like to not feel safe, the reality of no trusting police or their superiors. You know our vision is skewed though. There are good people in the world and we must still try to trust this. Be patient and kind with yourself. It has only been about 9 months since I dropped case and I think about it less all the time. I still have symptoms but they are less. I try to find the good in this. For me, it has not become evident yet but Im still looking

 

[Gloria]

You have been such a help to me because you expressed the emotions that I was not able to identify. When my lawyer told me the lawyers were going for a summary judgement, he told me that we didn't have a chance. Now, I've come to find out that the lawyers file a summary judgement hoping the judge will dismiss the case and then it's over and they don't go to court. My lawyer ASSUMED that because the lawyers were filing a summary judgement that we had lost the case. But the judge HAS NOT dismissed the case. Just because the lawyers filed doesn't mean that the judge will dismiss the case. My lawyer thinks we don't have a case YET normally when a judge dismissing the case, it doesn't take very long. He still has my files so that means that he might review the evidence and stick it to the police.

Well, this is another roller coaster ride for me. In actuality I have not lost the case YET.

But I'm getting my jeep and my horse trailer ready to sell. I am bringing things to the eBay dealer because if I lose this case, I am going to have to pay thousands in medical and legal fees. I won't sell my jeep and trailer until I get the final word. Should I trust my lawyer's judgement and just completely accept the fact that they got away with it? Or should I think that the judge saw the pictures of my injuries and saw that no where in the original police reports did it mention that I attacked the police yet this is exactly what all three officers stated in their depositions (but the funny thing -and I do think this is funny because they are so stupid). All three officers told completely different stories about me coming at them. One of my character references pointed out that if I had any inclination to violence, it would seem odd that I never got in trouble for being violent being over 50 years old. I never had any police record so why in my demise (as I am on disability) would a 115 lb. disabled woman attack three police officers at one time when each one of them was twice my weight? If I did do that I would have to had to be on drugs but I went to the emergency room for treatment for my injuries the day after my assault and they did a complete drug screening coming up with nothing.If I wasn't taking drugs and attacked three men twice my size, they should have taken me to a mental hospital??? I would have to be totally out of my mind to attack police officers AND I would have been charged with assaulting a police officer but I was only charged with a misdemeanor "disturbing the peace". Yet, their police report indicated "passive resistance" to the arrest??? OY! If the judge throws it out, this is what I have been told to expect but if he doesn't, I don't care if I get one dime, those police officers are going to be in big trouble and I will be very happy. I don't even want to hope. I thought this thing was over.

I can't tell my friends or family that this lawsuit isn't over yet because I don't want them to be on this roller coaster with me. As far as my friends and family know it is over and done.

I hate to say this but I am like totally ignorant of the law. I was only eighteeen and went to court to put a restraining order on my first husband. Well, there were so many legal terms and I was so young and stupid that I thought that meant we were divorced. So about a year later, I actually was getting married to another man. Well, good thing I called my lawyer to ask him if I would still be entitled to child support because he informed I was still married. I still laugh when I told my former fiance just before we got married and after his family had planned this big wedding that I wasn't divorced. This guy was 6 foot 6 inches tall and he flat out fainted. Then when I did get my divorce a few months later,he didn't want to marry me. Thank God I didn't marry him. This guy was in his 30's and messing around with a teenager (me!!). But that goes to show you how ignorant people are when it comes to law. I've tried to explain depositions and most people have no idea what I'm talking about. Before this lawsuit, I didn't know a deposition from a disposition.
Whatever!! I never, ever want to go through another lawsuit as long as I live. I am with you 100% that since the police assaulted me, I have not once called the police. I used to report the drug dealing in my area and closed down the crack house across the street. Now, I'm more afraid of the police than the drug dealers.

 

[mamachick]

Last december I came home to find my dogs going nuts-they had broke down a gate that blocked them in the kitchen. Then I found some stuff strewn about. I called a friend who came over and we cleaned it up and tried to figure out how someone entered. My front door had been locked but it was unlocked when I found it. I never did discover anything missing. I wondered if they went out the front when I came in the back. Anyway, I did not report it. Now it came out in the news that a bunch of homes have been broken into in my area, and a guy was tying to get into a front door in broad daylight a couple of weeks ago. The woman heard something and then saw him. She ended up chasing him. Anyway, there is a series of break ins over months just now being told in media. Well, how many others didnt report it. because they have similiar fears. Its not like they ever catch anyone or get the victims stuff back.

 

[Gloria]

And did you call the police? Or are you still distrustful of them?

 

[The Albatross]

Sorry I misunderstood Gloria. Crosssing your fingers for your case and that the judge actually reads what is before him and considers it all before he signs off on anything.

 

[mamachick]

And did you call the police? Or are you still distrustful of them?

Of course not. When my friend came over ,she wanted me to call-of course. I did not and will never. Police corruption is rampant here. Not far from me, a couple of cops found out some single woman was the surrogate mother for sara jessica parker, so they met with the Enquirer. Then they broke into the womans house. Now they did get caught and actually got fired. But that is only because Sara Jessica Parker pushed the issue. Unfortunately, we dont all have that power.

 

[Gloria]

Sorry I misunderstood Gloria. Crosssing your fingers for your case and that the judge actually reads what is before him and considers it all before he signs off on anything.

You didn't misunderstand. My lawyer told me the case was over but then I looked up info on the web and if he received a petition to discharge the case and is taking the time to review the documentation, every day that goes by that the judge has not dismissed the case makes it more and more likely that he will find my case valid. It's not the money. I want to win this case. I need to believe that innocent people don't get beat up by three cops.

I'm so sad today. I just got back from the vet. My little 9 year old dog is dying. He can't walk. They can't do anything. His heart is very enlarged and they think that his spine is so degenerated that it's pinching a nerve and preventing him from walking. I'm holding in my arms and my cat and two other dogs are laying right next to him and all of them just keep licking him. It's so weird that animals know when their friend is dying. But I can honestly say that I had him since he was a tiny puppy and never did he get hit (and he was a totally obnoxious barking little brat. Chihuahuas are notorius for being terrible about house breaking and he has always lifted his leg and ruined furniture. But when I went on vacation I spent $$$ keeping him at luxury pet motel where he was walked in the woods three times a day and got yogurt treats, a fancy bed and his own caregiver during the day that played with him. He has slept with me in my bed every since he was 6 weeks old and has never gone without food or water. It's just sad to say good-bye. The past two months, his personality changed. He became the sweetest little and most affectionate dog lately. He started to like everyone and do cute tricks.

 

[Gloria]

Of course not. When my friend came over ,she wanted me to call-of course. I did not and will never. Police corruption is rampant here. Not far from me, a couple of cops found out some single woman was the surrogate mother for sara jessica parker, so they met with the Enquirer. Then they broke into the womans house. Now they did get caught and actually got fired. But that is only because Sara Jessica Parker pushed the issue. Unfortunately, we dont all have that power.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. I thought about it. If I was a senator's wife or someone with some clout. This would have resolved in a week.