Sufferer Swimming in the maelstrom - Combat PTSD

[MT_broken77]

Hello forum, Im not a long time lurker, just a couple weeks. Don’t know what to say other than I am in the military and have been struggling for months with this shit. I have been able to talk to a therapist as “education” instead of treatment for a few weeks now. Next week I meet with him to rip off the band-aid and officially get diagnosed and begin “real” treatment. I’m still trying to accept this and actually feel more overwhelmed after talking with him a few times. I feel guilt and shame and even more anger. I blame myself and am am starting to hate/be resentful about more and more aspects of the military. I have almost no good memory of my last deployment, almost any reminder makes me upset, angry, sad, anxious. Sometimes all at the same time. I don’t know how to describe it other than a flood of emotions and even more worries and anxiousness. My best state nowadays is numbness, that’s my new F-ing good day. I tell my wife and kids I love them and I really mean it, but I feel nothing. I’m like an empty angry f*cked up robot. I don’t even care/worry that much about my career anymore (in over 20 years already); I need this for my family and myself.

 

[ladee]

Welcome!! There are military folks here that are going to understand this better than I will. The military part anyway. The feelings of anger and all that you mentioned, I relate, but for different situations.

Glad you are here. Give some people a chance to see your post and they will let you know they understand. That is the gift we give ourselves by being here, regardless of what brought us here. We are surrounded by understanding and support.

Thanks for letting us know you are here. Hope we see you around. A lot to read here so hope you check out some of the Articles if you haven't already.

Hope this place becomes a safe place for you to share what is really going on and not having to 'edit' for family. Again, glad you are here!!

 

[Friday]

Welcome aboard, bro. Lady Leatherneck here :sneaky:

Check this out if you haven’t already, esp. the combat stress cup. Most useful damn thing I’ve ever come across.

I tell my wife and kids I love them and I really mean it, but I feel nothing.

That’ll come back.

It’s like you know you love your favorite food even when you’ve got food poisoning/ hangover from hell/ stomach flu and are puking your brain’s out and even the thought of food sends you back to worshipping the porcelain throne. You can know it, even when you don’t feel it, right now. And you’ll feel it, again. This shit just takes a bit longer, is all.

 

[littleoc]

Then I’m glad you’re here :hug:

Welcome! It’s great you’re in therapy. And fantastic that you’re reaching out for multiple resources. That by itself gives you a great chance to feel better sooner.

Good luck :hug:

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!

 

[Freida]

Hi there and welcome to the forums!

 

[LuckiLee]

Hi and welcome. So glad you're reaching out to multiple resources. Well done. Therapy is gonna suck but stick with it and bring your wife along on the journey. You guys are gonna have to work together. If you could print off a copy of the stress cup analogy for her that explains alot. Best of luck and welcome home! XO

 

[WinterCricket]

Hello forum, Im not a long time lurker, just a couple weeks. Don’t know what to say other than I am in the military and have been struggling for months with this shit. I have been able to talk to a therapist as “education” instead of treatment for a few weeks now. Next week I meet with him to rip off the band-aid and officially get diagnosed and begin “real” treatment. I’m still trying to accept this and actually feel more overwhelmed after talking with him a few times. I feel guilt and shame and even more anger. I blame myself and am am starting to hate/be resentful about more and more aspects of the military. I have almost no good memory of my last deployment, almost any reminder makes me upset, angry, sad, anxious. Sometimes all at the same time. I don’t know how to describe it other than a flood of emotions and even more worries and anxiousness. My best state nowadays is numbness, that’s my new F-ing good day. I tell my wife and kids I love them and I really mean it, but I feel nothing. I’m like an empty angry f*cked up robot. I don’t even care/worry that much about my career anymore (in over 20 years already); I need this for my family and myself.

Hey MT! You're gonna rock this, incredibly gutsy to post to this board and rip that bandaid off. My god, how I wish my Marine was where you are and ready to tackle this head on and could say such words as "I need to do this for you and us and my kids." Unfortunately, no joy here in mudville, he is in isolation and refuses treatment so I'm not holding out much hope for us based on that....

No one here will lie to you and say this isn't going to be a huge challenge, but don't you dare ring that bell! You've got this! You have amazing things to fight for and are clearly aware that it's worth the effort. Keep us posted.