Swinging Saved My Marriage

[crazynotstupid]

So, I've had PTSD for a good while now and a couple of years ago my wife left me due to my suicide attempts. We ended up back together but I found out she was see another man before I made it out of my 3 month stint in the hospital. Anyway it ruined what little faith and trust I had for her.

As the (18) months passed I couldn't get over the relationship she had in that short time. I eventually couldn't handle it anymore and told her I wanted to swing or we will get a divorce.

I figured that since so many vows were broken during that period that a re-arrangement of our vows were in order. I thought to myself that maybe if we did this I wouldn't hate her so much. AND BOY DID IT WORK!

Not only do i trust my wife again I've also regained my self esteem. I feel more confident. I have friends, I get to leave my fortress.

I work on my social skills and coping regularly because the prize is clearly worth the effort. I take more care of myself because I don't want to be undesirable I take my meds so I don't act weird. I have fun too!

I also have met several others with PTSD in the lifestyle so i wondered if anyone else has experience with this and PTSD?

 

[Friday]

I think that one of the many things about trauma is that it has a tendency to throw the rule book out the window.

In my own life I've found that I have to go rule by rule and make a conscious decision as to whether or not I'm going to follow it.

It means I'm no longer in lock-step with many areas in life, that most people just never think about. "Normal". Some I want, and struggle greatly with, going against my own nature. But it's worth it. Not because it's what anyone else wants & it's the "normal" thing to do, but because I've made a decision that I want it, no matter how difficult. Others? :D The pure unadulterated freedom in knowing my own mind, and following my own heart, is something I will never willingly give up. Even when it puts me at diametrically opposed position to people I love, or the culture I live in. These are rules I have decided to rewrite to my own satisfaction.

In my experience, it's a rare thing to find others who have also rewritten the same rules, the same way. Whether they're an individual, or a whole sub-culture. Finding either? OMFG. It's such a mind blowing experience when it happens, that it was difficult for me to remain realistic in the beginning. To remember people are people, and just because we align in one set of rules, doesn't mean we align in every set of rules. I was a little...ah....over enthusiastic in the beginning. That's been tempered a bit with experience. It's also made finding such people one of the great joys in my life. I'm just a bit more cautious these days.

Swinging, specifically? Nope! That's not something I've ever done. Sex-rules? Yup! A helluva lot of my own personal rules regarding sex & relationships are rewritten. They suit me right down to the ground, and I believe I'm incredibly lucky not to be bound by anyone else's ideas of what sex, intimacy, & relationships "should" be.

So my deep felt congratulations on not only finding a lifestyle that suits you right down to the ground, and makes you & your life a better for it, as well as the great luck in your partner being of the same heart and mind. While it makes sense that people who marry may be similar enough to both have the same sort of This is right, this is better than right, this is what works best for me. epiphany? It's sadly far too often the other way around, and people grow apart rather than closer. To find both? Your own set of rules, and your wife in full agreement? That's both lucky & good. :D

Cheers.

 

[Candleflames]

Monogamy didn't work so well for us either. Simply put it was just too much pressure for either of us. To try and be someone's everything is really hard. When you compound that with the issues that come along with ptsd it's very draining on both ends.

Our solution was to become polyamorus rather than swinging. The difference is that we are allowed to have deep emotional and meaningful relationships with other people in addition to being allowed to have sex with others. I have found that when my husband has a full girlfriend he is much happier and able to be there for me when I am having a rough time. I also have the option to get intimate support from other people on a level that couldn't happen if we were "just" friends.

There has also been other lessons I have learned through polyamory that have combated the lessons of abuse I used to believe. The big one is that I am lovable as is. My husband isn't stuck with me because I was there at an opportune time. He chooses to be with me every day because I am worth being with. I can see myself more clearly too. I see what makes me an awesomely flawed person and that that is ok. It's also opened my eyes to new ways of being and helped me be less critical of myself and others. Then there is the communication it takes to make this work. I have never been so close to people or felt such deep love. My capacity to love and care for others has expanded so much it feels as if my heart has been turned inside out at times.

All in all lots of good has come from this lifestyle. Currently I have two partners, my legal husband and a "wife". She is also has a husband. I'm friends with her husband and my husband and him are friends as well.

That's not to say it doesn't have it's caveats. We have also lost friends who couldn't accept or arrangement. The honest communication can be difficult and feelings do get hurt. That gets worked through but can be a difficult process.

Still the positive changes outweigh the drawback. When it comes down to it life really is a long process of trade-offs. We each have to find the trade-offs that give us the greatest gain.

 

[crazynotstupid]

My wife is completely against polyamory. She thinks my impulsiveness will make me vulnerable to being swayed into leaving her. we're allowed to date though... ?! but not too often! Things continue to change and evolve as our feelings mature. It was really hard for a good while but with persistence though it's gotten easier and easier. It made me happier in the end though. the adventure into an open marriage has been an amazing process.

What's great about swinging is that you get to open up and be honest with your partner about every aspect of your life, You go on an adventure together! We didn't even have to have sex with others to see progress in our relationship. I've made some friends for the first time in 10 years!

Personally this whole adventure has done a lot to curb my PTSD symptoms. The first 6 months working my way into the alternative lifestyle was so insanely hard.
I think the motivation of kinky sex was keeping me there through every anxiety ridden terrifying moment. I spent many months of working my way into the lives others for the sake of ass. Now I wake up a little more with each passing week. I'm happier, less hopeless or helpless. Coping is easier and Even the bad days are easier. I have more self esteem. It's a life saver for sure.