Symptom, Anyone Else Get This One?

[Spark]

Hi, I have been having strange symptoms for over a year now, beyond the suicidal ideation and hopelessness, and I wanted to know if others had had the same stuff going on.

When I close my eyes, I see horrific images. These aren't hallucinations, but they cause severe fright and just pop up in my mind out of no where. It is stuff I have never looked at in movies or anything, and they are gruesome as all get out.

They first started when I was 23 and had been successfully dealing with an anger addiction, especially when I would try to go to sleep.

Usually they have mangled forms, are surrounded in black and are hard to make out, and only last for a second. My mind ties them to major fright, though. And they are somehow still so vivid!

It gets really bad when I am up for a longer period of time.

Has anyone else had this symptom? I know it sounds weird, but I thought I would reach out and see, since these things wake me up and keep me up.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Spark. I just wanted to clarify first if these images could relate to an experience you had or witnessed or if they are random.

 

[Spark]

Well, let me clarify one thing. It's like they are derived or inspired from cartoons and comics I used to read, but way more horrifically real and all very bloody/gory.

So in that sense, they are partly memories. I don't remember the trauma I had, but my memory is zilch before age ten. It's like every time I push down my feelings or anger, these images show up.

 

[Privateer]

Hmm. When I close my eyes I see a firefight going on in some arse-end-of-nowhere village or aircraft wreckage floating on the water. I know where those come from, though, so they aren't quite the same.

You genuinely can't remember anything before the age of ten?

 

[Whirlwind]

I have something related....like you, limited memories pre-10ish and I have heinous dreams, torture, terrible images follow afterwards during the day.

The weird thing is that I view them very unemotionally 99% of the time (as an adult). I wake up remember, the images come and go during the day sometimes. When I was young they scared me to death and I had brutal insomnia as a result.

But as an adult it was like I made a weird peace with them. I have no solution to offer so far I'm afraid only my experience to date.

Mine recently have slowed, almost ceased after 30+ years, possibly due to a supplement I take or I guess they are coming out as flashbacks/real memories starting to take shape now. They for me are far worse than the dreams. I have always assumed my dreams are old rage.

I used to love horror flicks, until just recently, now they give me a stomach ache, can't watch them at all. I can't handle the actors portraying pain etc. even bad acting makes me terribly uneasy, its annoying even campy B flicks can creep me out.

Sorry I don't have a solution but I cautiously mention you could ask about trying 5-HTP ... I read it causes nightmares but in my case it seems to help block them. Again, maybe this just works for me or something else is going on that I haven't identified.

Sorry I couldn't be of much help but I bet you aren't the only one with your symptom.

Good luck! Whirlwind

 

[Abstract]

This is in no way the same but from the moment I "looked" behind this steel door in my mind at a memory (during t) I started having intrusive images of graphic self injury. Not anything I have ever done or even thought off. I am talking horrific, impossible stuff and very realistic and graphic. I also have never seen anything like this and don't watch gory films. The only thing I could think of is that it is like a photograhic intrusive representation of my pain. I wondered if that could be something that makes sense for you.

I also have very sparse memories from childhood by the way. I have quite a lot for age 4, 5 and 6 and then it goes almost completely blank for a long time and I don't know if anything that happened in that time.

 

[Ricanoland]

Yes! I have this problem. My picture tends to change the one that has stuck around the longest was me kicking a guy in the face. Very awkward given I am normally a very calm mannered person. I have no clue what it comes from, but I have something like it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I saw images many years ago when I was dealing with so much of my ptsd. They have left me alone thankfully. I hope this happens for you too.