DID T thinks i have did?

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Is there something that helped either of you let your parts just come out in front of your T?

That is what I didn't have control over. I was completely (and at the time blissfully unaware of any of that). My parts came out in therapy first. I mean they were obviously in my life, but I didn't recognize it or understand it. I think that there were too many emotions inside so the parts came out. I don't believe in safety, but they felt okay enough with my therapist to share and show themselves. And boy has it filled in some gaps for me. You are more than welcome to PM me as well and ask questions. All situations are different, but I might be able to answer questions or help you feel supported so if you want to try, feel free, I don't mind trying to help.

 

[scout86]

You are the exact same person you were today as yesterday. A diagnosis never, ever, changes who you are.

Exactly that!

There have been a couple of times, since I've "known you" on here when I've wondered about this. Can't think of a specific incident now, but there have been times when your version of events was different from other versions of events, or things happened that were hard to explain. I really didn't think that YOU were making things up, but things didn't quite make sense either. I'm really glad this has come up. Whether you have DID or not, confronting it, symptoms, problems, what ever, is the way to handle it. If this is something you've been dealing with all along, it can only be easier if you know it's there.

At least you know your T didn't rush into this! The 2 of you have a good relationship. She's always sounded like a good T, to me. I really think this will be alright @mytai ! Good for you for being brave enough to deal with it head on! :hug:

 

[Hope4Now]

I have nothing to add to what everyone else has said, except that I'm glad you're posting here and hope you will continue to reach out. Sending you supportive and compassionate energy, @mytai .

 

[mytai]

@scout86 I see how T would think DID is a possibility, I'm just not happy about it. Last night I read through about half of the book she gave me, and it really made me think about some incidents that have happened over the last 3 years. DID makes sense of it, but at the same time makes me a whole lot more scared. I've been really confused over the last few years about how things happened, and I know I've been dissociating a lot especially in the last few years but I never thought my dissociation could be to the level of DID. I know it's probably easier for T if this is the case because then she will know how to move forward with therapy to help me, but for me it seems a lot more difficult, but I know what you're saying - that it's easier to know IF this is the case, because then therapy can change the way it needs to.

That's one thing she certainly didn't do is rush into this, she has briefly touched on the subject a few times over the time she's been seeing me, but always backed off as soon as I said that I definitely don't think that it was a possibility. Yesterday she eased into it really slow, but didn't back away from it. I think she's been thinking this for a while, but this most recent incident really solidified it for her.

It's something to talk to the new psych about when I see her. I also have a lot of questions and fears the book brought up that I need to ask T next week.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I'm just not happy about it.

It's hard. It's a process like everything else. And it doesn't seem fair to have to "deal" with something else, but it can all work out. Keep trying to hang on to hope that this will lead you down a good path with or without the diagnosis.

 

[Hope4Now]

What book did your t give you? If you don't mind sharing.

 

[mytai]

@Hope4Now it's called "Understanding Trauma and Dissociation: A Guide for Therapists, Patients, and Loved Ones" by Lynn Mary Karjala, Ph.D.

My T said that it can't be purchased in bookstores, I think she got it online. But it's a really thin book, easy to read, and doesn't put things in a language or with jargon that is hard to understand.

Dead Link Removed

 

[scout86]

I'm just not happy about it

I can understand that! I've felt a little the same every time I get a new label. It's scary and it hurts. And it's tempting to feel like you're somehow different than you were, before the label. And it's also not fair, since the causes of all this were not things you had any control over. I'm hoping this will be the start of new and better progress for you. You sound like you're handling it as well as anyone could.

 

[mytai]

You sound like you're handling it as well as anyone could.

I'm trying not to fall apart. I'm trying to keep myself occupied between the book T gave me, and studying for two midterms (started University at the beginning of the month for the summer session). I need to keep my sh*t together enough to do well in school, but also to participate in therapy to the best of my ability. The fact that T is seeing me pro bono makes me work harder, I don't want to waste her time, even if it hurts me and scares me. Seems like I've come a lot further since she extended this opportunity to me, I push myself harder, I stop relying so heavily on old crutches to get my message across to her. I don't want to throw her kindness back in her face, I want her to see that I value it.

 

[Sammyiam]

Mytai it sounds like your therapist is really nice. Don't let the DID label affect you any more than before you got it, as you haven't changed in the last couple of weeks, you have had it probably since very young just not known it. When I got told I didn't even konw what it was. My therapist told me to go home and look it up and learn more about it so I wouldn't feel so alone and maybe accept it more, which I still struggle to accept. I just live my life and I am in my own little world, I often find myself just agreeing with everyone as half the time I don't know if I have been told before or not. I never want to make a fool of myself by having people say I've told you that etc so I am terrible at just agreeing with everyone, also I have a huge fear of people telling me off so I very really poke my head up so it won't get chopped off, It is probably a lot easier for me as I have always been self employed, and have always just done my own thing.

That's how they said it hasn't been picked up until my major meltdown when everything stopped. I never go out in social drinking situations or where there are lots of people, I pretty much keep to my self apart from a few close friends, which I have had for 30 years. I live in a very small place less than 100 house and over 50 of those are holiday houses so they aren't live in most of the year and not one shop anywhere. The most I go out is to the beach everyday to walk my dogs and 99 % of the time I am the only one on the beach, if you see two people down there it is a busy day :) . If I can help in any way please just ask me, even if it is just to keep in touch. It sounds like you are in really good hands with your therapist, and it makes me smile to think that you are being looked after so well, trust her and trust your own inner gut feelings, over the years I have found out the hard way by not listening to my gut feelings, and most of the time they have turned out what I should have done.

Take care

Sammy

 

[PTSDbegone]

Sorry I haven't read the follow up posts, but @mytai I can totally relate to everything you said. It is very scary and confusing at first. I have recently gone through this with my therapist. She actually told me that if it is DID then that is a good thing because she can help me with it, and integration can happen. It still doesn't make me feel any better right now. I have been educating myself about DID, and the more I read about it the more it overwhelms me, and freaks me out. I think it may just take some time to sink in. It's a hard diagnosis to receive. I mean there are no good ones I suppose, but you know what I mean. Sounds like your therapist's main concern is making sure you know you are safe. That is a great first step in the right direction by the sounds of it. Hang in there! You are not alone.

 

[Born to Run]

I am also sorry I missed your post so far. Maybe it can make things less scary if you think of DID as a gliding scale, and you are on the extreme, but all of us are also somewhere on this DID scale. We all are fragmented, and this will always remain scary and so am I, when a new fragment presents itself in my face, although I have no MPD/now DID, but I was very fragmented. I preferred the term MPD really, because that made it clear it was the extreme variant of DID. I do understand they changed it, as we -as traumatized people- all have our dissociated states. Maybe it will make you feel less alone.