Talking About Sex

[Meadowsweet]

Maddog, you've been so helpful and supportive on this thread. I hope you can take some of that with you next to your therapy week.

I think sometimes the fear is worse in anticipation of what will come. When it does come we do manage to get through it.

Wishing you well for next week.

 

[Ice_Fire]

I've come back to this thread because me and T agreed that next time I see her (a week on Thursday) I will try to talk about the sexual abuse in more detail. She thinks it's important to free myself of the shame and guilt and that talking it through properly is the way to go. She reassured me that nothing I can say will shock her etc, but I'm so scared. I panic and my throat closes up just thinking about it.

But I'm determined to try, I just don't know how to say it or if I physically can. Makes me want to heave.

 

[Meadowsweet]

ice-fire, I don't know how your therapist is working it, but for me it was a gradual process.

One week writing a list of traumas; the next talking about the moments leading up to the abuse, but not the actual abuse itself; the next writing it down and reading it from the paper and eventually to a re-living.That's just for one incident.

Also, when I wrote about it, I had to do a little bit everyday for the week leading up to my appointment. So all that times is preparing and finding ways I can say things, because there are certain words I can't say. I dissociate when I'm talking about it too, so my therapist stops me and we do some grounding in between.

So it's a slow process and it's ok for it to be that way.

Wishing you lots of strength and support for Thursday.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Thanks MS. Yes, we're going to take it slowly too. I know that I could write it down much more easily, because I can distance myself from it somehow. But saying it is a whole different thing somehow. There are things I just can't say also...so I'm kind of worrying about how to say it. I don't know whether not seeing her this week is good or not. More time to prepare I guess, but also more time to worry. I hate school holidays! :rolleyes: I know I'm going to spend the whole time leading up to it fretting over it, even though I'm trying not to.

 

[highlysensitive]

Meadowsweet,
Your therapy sounds like what I am exactly doing now. I know this post was awhile ago but I was wondering how it was going for you. I am afraid of this. I just wrote my experience in detail and I was supposed to read it back to my therapist last night. I couldn't, I totally lost it and it took him a pretty long time to bring me back. He's really good at using grounding techniques although I hate he has to do that. I am going back later this week so in the meantime, I have to read the account to myself. I feel exhausted and out of it. Is it working for you? I am sorry you had to go through this.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Sorry for not getting back sooner nccate.

I'm in a bit of a strange situation with therapy at the moment. It did feel like I was on the right track by opening up about this incident. But in the week following this, I had a flashback about something that I don't quite understand.

Unfortunately, my therapist has had to take the whole of June off work. She knew this was going to happen, and was concerned that opening up my mind to processing memories would be a concern whilst I wasn't in therapy.

So at the moment I am practising grounding techniques and keeping very busy. We will go back to this stuff when therapy is available again. What I do know from doing this break, is that I don't feel at all good keeping things to myself. It is hard to get things out, but I think there is more hope in doing that.

I hope you will benefit from doing this therapy. I know it's not easy.

 

[highlysensitive]

Hi meadowsweet,
I am sorry you are experiencing that. My therapist had to leave for a month in May so I saw another one in the interim but that was before I started this process. I hope you can hang in there during the month. I was thankful I had a referral to meet with someone. Do you have that option?

I have a session today and this is the day I am supposed to share my detailed story. I am so scared, have had nightmares all week over this. I know it's supposed to make me feel better at some point but it sure doesn't feel like it now. I will be going away for a week so I really hope I can handle this. This has been a tough week for me. I am trying to take care of myself too but it's not easy. Hang in there M!

 

[Meadowsweet]

My therapist had to leave for a month in May so I saw another one in the interim but that was before I started this process. I hope you can hang in there during the month. I was thankful I had a referral to meet with someone. Do you have that option?

I'm in an area that is short on therapists, so I wasn't given that option. But to be honest, I think it would have taken me that amount of time to become trusting enough of anyone new enough to open up.

Also, I have had 3 weeks work that is quite intense. I think I agreed to it without really taking in what it would be like. So I think the break might have worked out for the best. But my stategy involves working long hours and having a couple of glasses of wine at night, so it's not really a permenant solution and I'm feeling like I need to sleep for a week.

I really hope it went well for you.

 

[highlysensitive]

Hi Meadowsweet,

I get that. I feel like this was the most intense week, I had to read my "event" to myself every night. Today went better than I thought but we didn't get very far. I would read a couple of sentences and start to feel too overwhelmed so my T would give me a break. I am feeling pretty raw right now though and indulging in a glass of champagne. I don't think I realized how intense this was going to be either. Ugh! I have been trying to do the right things like exercise, eat right, etc. but it's still soooooo hard!

I will appreciate a week off and of course, I will be super busy. Isn't it horrible how busy we have to keep ourselves?

Thanks for chatting with me, I don't feel so all alone. :) Keep me posted on your progress when you start back up, ok?