Talking To Male T About Body Issues

[deleted]

So in my endless pursuit of the right medications, I have gained a substantial amount of weight. I shot up from 125 to 150 lbs in a matter of a month. None of my jeans fit right, I'm developing a double chin, I have a muffin top now. I feel absolutely disgusting. I am already struggling with bulimia and this is only making matters worse.

I've only been seeing my new T for a few months now but I feel like I've made YEARS of progress in that time-he's incredible and I am starting to really trust him (a nearly impossible feat for me-esp in such a short amount of time) but I feel a little uncomfortable bringing this up with him. My last therapist was a male as well and I stayed away from this kind of topic with him too. I don't know why it makes me so nervous. Maybe it's because my trauma that caused my PTSD was sexual and I don't want to have him thinking about my body and what that could lead to? I don't know! I really want to talk to him about this but I don't know how to bring it up!

I don't want to see female therapist- I've grown up with brother and mostly guy friends and honestly prefer talking to them over females lol. I've seen a two female therapists and never felt comfortable with them and I defiantly want to keep my current therapist as he's helped me so much with my PTSD stuff and that is my main focus in the end.

I know this might be a little silly but any thoughts?

 

[Ronin]

Not silly, legit. :)

Think of it this way: To you it probably means so many things, to him it's a concern he keeps hearing tenfolds of alike ones in a day. He's there to help your health, and what he'd think of is probably how to get you eating healthily without feeling like crap about your body, this isn't sexual to him, or about your body - but about your health, and how to keep it from heading down.

So bring it up just as you have in this post. 'I've gained __ in last few months after ___ meds, I don't feel very well with that state, could this please be adjusted in some way'? ;)

 

[Renestel]

Okay well here's my take on this.
I'm 100% or more sure that I am just as much of a dudes girl as you are.
I despise most women and always draw to males- even male therapists when I was in high school. But as much as I know you don't wanna hear this. There is just an innate connection between sexes in therapy.- it's just like friends, I assume you don't have many or any girl friends (I don't) but I will bet money that you found one cool one at some point in your life. How did that feel? Close as crap, right ? Very rare to meet a chick that's as rebellious and bad a// as you. But when you do, major priceless. So here's what I'm getting at. I think it not only takes a lot of work to find a really good T, but even more to find a same sex one when you have high guards up like us. But I literally can tell you it's worth thinking about/searching. Weight talk is not the only thing I feel awkward telling male Ts about, but being a complex rape, molestation and physical abuse relationship survivor were others. Or loving sex too much or too little, Etc. they don't have girl parts and girl minds. I know you r mind set but , well just think about it. When you find a cool one they are like the mom you never had and you just can't shut up.
Next- if you don't wanna try that out - here's some female "therapy vibe" advice I got for ya for the time being-
I am exactly where you are. After the holidays I hit 150, and I used to be a bombshell. I HATE my body right now. It's like I don't even feel like me anymore in this costume . BUT. Not knowing how old you are here is some potential older lady 33 year old advice---
I am now a firm believer that just as the world throws you hard times in life mentally, it does physically. Both can teach you so much and make you grow in ways you never thought possible. I have learned that while I am having some issues that are aiding me in gaining weight, It somehow makes me work on the inner me more, and that is NEVER a bad thing. As the old saying goes- "beauty fades, bad a#s developed female personalities and talents do not. " Or something like that... Hehehe focus on the positive as much as you can and let the world tell you what to work on. How can you become a stronger or better woman? ;)
Chest bump and beer burps- R

 

[franco]

So in my endless pursuit of the right medications, I have gained a substantial amount of weight. I sho...

I Katiee_co
I agree with you
if you feel good so it is right that continues

 

[Friday]

I don't talk with men about something unless I'm willing to do something about it. Not just feel better about something I can't, or won't, do something about.

Ex, if I'm fat? I'll talk with men about it all damn day long, if and only if I'm either ready to, or already am, doing something about it. If I know I'm not gonna be able to do anything about it for 6mo? Or I'm worried that XYZ / aka have fears (which read to me as excuses) that I won't be able to? My mouth zippers shut.

It's just a knee jerk reaction from spending most of my life playing with the boys.

Any of this in play for you?

 

[VioletButterfly]

Well, if you feel comfortable with this therapist and feel that you have made progress with him, I would offer this.... I am assuming you're working on trauma issues and using bulimia to cope/numb, right? (please correct me if I'm wrong - I'm coming at this from where I'm sitting - with bulimia and using it for these reasons). I'm also assuming (don't like to do this, so please correct me if I'm wrong) that you know eating disorders are not about food, but about what's underneath the thoughts that lead to the behaviors or negative feelings about body image. These are tough issues to ride along side of PTSD/trauma. Too tough to take on alone.

That being said, you're doing the hard work in therapy and making progress regarding trauma issues that most likely underlie your ED issues, but might need some additional nutritional support/guidance from your MD and perhaps a nutritionist. I'm not discounting the body image issues as I have those a-plenty and that's where you might want to get his perspective or he might want to refer you to and ED therapist who can work through these types of issues with you. In the end, you might have a team working with you where you would have resources to discuss body image and bulimia concerns and your trauma T for processing trauma-related issues. This would allow you to continue to work on your core issues with the male T that you are making progress with, and to have adjunctive help with other aspects of treatment that you need.

I hope this makes sense and I absolutely agree with @Cashew regarding the T not being shocked or judging you. It's about your comfort level. For me, I would start by having a discussion with your T and perhaps your MD to see what might be the best set-up for you so that all of your needs are met. Wishing you the best! VB

 

[joeylittle]

Weight talk is not the only thing I feel awkward telling male Ts about, but being a complex rape, molestation and physical abuse relationship survivor were others. Or loving sex too much or too little, Etc. they don't have girl parts and girl minds.

I'll just offer an opposite view, here - this is the exact reason why I struggle to talk with my (female) psychiatrist about my trauma. She has girl parts. She can get closer to imagining what things might have felt like. My (male) therapist has no way of understanding what it is to have female anatomy. I am much more comfortable talking with him.

But, when it comes to food issues - I struggled to talk with my therapist, until I reminded myself that men actually have food struggles, too. That made it easier for me. As women, I think we are more inundated with messages about weight, and it can seem like a thing that men can't connect to. Also, there is the fact that it's connected to how you feel about what you look like, which sort of puts 'you' in the room in a different way.

But guys go through this stuff too. Have you ever asked him his thoughts on food and body image?