-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
Childhood Talking with siblings who were also abused
- Post starter sprout
- Start date
- Status
D
Deleted member 541
Sort of. My brother once told me that I got it the worst growing up. But he was one of my abusers, so who knows what his motive was for saying that. One of my sisters used to use humor to avoid talking about it, and the other one knows it happened to all of us, but really doesn’t want to think about it.
D
Deleted member 8714
My mother was a narcissist. Narcissists control the influx and outflow of information. So any kind of "talking" among siblings never happened even in adulthood. And unfortunately, the status quo remains after my mother passed in 2010. I tried to engage my brother two years younger and was met with a complete disconnect. He didn't want me to say anything negative about our mother.
I separated from my family of origin first in 1988 and solidified that in 1999. No contact because of the toxic family system.
I separated from my family of origin first in 1988 and solidified that in 1999. No contact because of the toxic family system.
illusionist
Diamond Member
My foster brothers openly talked about it, under the influence, no emotions spared...as adults. I would listen but was numb to my feelings at that time....believing that they were exaggerating things, and using it as an excuse for their own choices of the road they'd taken.....I'd silently get frustrated with them....see them as weak.
I now know differently.
I now know differently.
ground crew
Silver Member
My mom would randomly whack the kids when she got angry. We all got it but I drew fire by objecting and fighting back. My sister said she went to therapy once and only once. They pointed to mom immediately. My sister was offended and stomped out, never to return. Mom denies it ever happened or claims she didn't hit us enough. At this point my siblings forget the abuse and are okay with it. I suppose. 4 out of 5 got substance abuse issues, 4 out of 5 have at least one divorce. And the one that did not become a drinker or divorce? Mom liked him....
They wont talk about it, or didn't when we still talked. Now that I am ousted, I am sure they are less inclined to talk about it. Mom will pass and become a great Matriarch.
They wont talk about it, or didn't when we still talked. Now that I am ousted, I am sure they are less inclined to talk about it. Mom will pass and become a great Matriarch.
Tornadic Thoughts
VIP Member
I was always made to believe my sister (5 years older than me) had severe mental health issues, and that was that, as we were ordered not to discuss it. I was never told she had been sexually abused by a distant relative, and later raped on the job, but then blamed by my parents for making it happen.
But I think I was able to see more happening than I realized at the time, because when that same relative did the same thing to me several years later, and when I was raped by three guys in high school, I was too scared to tell anyone, for fear of following the same path they forced upon her.
Instead of believing my sister, they hospitalized her, heavily drugged her, and started electroshock therapy, making her life a living hell from that point on.
We lived such drastically different lives for so many years, we never discussed it. Until she had a break down a couple years ago and needed help navigating her way through it.
We finally discussed it and learned just how much we have in common in the events that lead up to what we both struggle the most with now. It makes it hard to feel all warm and fuzzy when talking to my mom now, knowing she chose not to believe her own child over that f*cking monster who repeatedly used and abused children.
I feel closer to my sister than I ever did before, but it definitely shattered the illusion of what I had thought up until that point was a mostly loving father and mother, albeit hard as f*ck to communicate with or relate to in any deep meaningful way. My sister saw and remembered things that were done to me that were severely physically abusive, but I was too young to remember. A very difficult, yet very necessary realization, I feel.
But I think I was able to see more happening than I realized at the time, because when that same relative did the same thing to me several years later, and when I was raped by three guys in high school, I was too scared to tell anyone, for fear of following the same path they forced upon her.
Instead of believing my sister, they hospitalized her, heavily drugged her, and started electroshock therapy, making her life a living hell from that point on.
We lived such drastically different lives for so many years, we never discussed it. Until she had a break down a couple years ago and needed help navigating her way through it.
We finally discussed it and learned just how much we have in common in the events that lead up to what we both struggle the most with now. It makes it hard to feel all warm and fuzzy when talking to my mom now, knowing she chose not to believe her own child over that f*cking monster who repeatedly used and abused children.
I feel closer to my sister than I ever did before, but it definitely shattered the illusion of what I had thought up until that point was a mostly loving father and mother, albeit hard as f*ck to communicate with or relate to in any deep meaningful way. My sister saw and remembered things that were done to me that were severely physically abusive, but I was too young to remember. A very difficult, yet very necessary realization, I feel.
- Moderator
- #7
Sideways
VIP Member
My sister. Tried to ask her about what she remembered about our childhood.
She knew what I was getting at. She told me that our having any kind of relationship was dependent on me never bringing up our childhood, or my childhood, ever again.
Thus it remains. We have a difficult relationship, and we never speak of it.
If she ever changes her mind? I’m ready to talk to her about it. Till then, we are not partners in recovery. Not at all. And it’s terribly, awfully sad.
She knew what I was getting at. She told me that our having any kind of relationship was dependent on me never bringing up our childhood, or my childhood, ever again.
Thus it remains. We have a difficult relationship, and we never speak of it.
If she ever changes her mind? I’m ready to talk to her about it. Till then, we are not partners in recovery. Not at all. And it’s terribly, awfully sad.
D
Deleted member 8714
All of my brothers abused drugs and alcohol. Two became addicted to both alcohol and multiple drugs. Those two also went through a divorce each. Both married survivors of abuse in both marriages. But nothing ever happened in my family. ;)
Happened to my mother as my sister-in-law wrote the obituary and said that her mother-in-law was the Matriarch of the family.
Yes, my younger brother and I were abused by our older brother years apart. I found out randomly when my little bro said something that reminded me of the abuse, so I just asked him if he was abused. That’s how we found out about each other. It made sense why both of us suffered from depression, anxiety, anger issues, addiction, etc.
We decided to tell our mom, who was in deep denial of it all until recently. We also told my dad, who has been a total prick about it. My parents are narcissists, so they mostly see how this effects them rather than how it’s effected us. It’s really frustrating. It’s been three years since we told them, and while sometimes I feel like we’ve progressed, sometimes it doesn’t feel like so at all.
They still talk to our abuser, but he’s no longer allowed over the house. I lost a lot of respect for my parents, but this whole thing has brought me very close to my little brother. He is my best friend and the only person who understands my POV.
While I don’t know if my parents will always be in my life, I’m trying to get them to see a family therapist with me and my brother in hopes of some kind of healing and recovery for us all.
We decided to tell our mom, who was in deep denial of it all until recently. We also told my dad, who has been a total prick about it. My parents are narcissists, so they mostly see how this effects them rather than how it’s effected us. It’s really frustrating. It’s been three years since we told them, and while sometimes I feel like we’ve progressed, sometimes it doesn’t feel like so at all.
They still talk to our abuser, but he’s no longer allowed over the house. I lost a lot of respect for my parents, but this whole thing has brought me very close to my little brother. He is my best friend and the only person who understands my POV.
While I don’t know if my parents will always be in my life, I’m trying to get them to see a family therapist with me and my brother in hopes of some kind of healing and recovery for us all.
Whirlwind
Gold Member
When my brother and I were young, we were very close and tried to protect one another. As we got older (early teens) he became abusive. The FOO really pitted us against one another.
My brother moved to the other side of the world and never came back. We haven't spoken or seen each other outside of a brief email in 30 yrs.
When we entered early teens the FOO encouraged him to abuse me. He became gravely hostile towards me and notably for ending contact with my FOO.
Between us we acknowledged the abuse but somehow I was/am at fault. I was the scapegoat in my FOO, the near daily "target". He participated seeking their approval.
Its hard to explain but I saw them as the "enemy" early on....he always sought their love and approval which was utterly futile.
It has occurred to me that his hostility may be due to guilt or PTSD.....I cannot imagine how he reconciles his participation in the abuse. I would think we are/would be massive triggers for one another.
I still feel empathy for him.....I remember him "before" and I recall more of what happened since I was the oldest.
Re FOO; Father and Uncle never acknowledged abuse on any level and once I established no contact they went on to pretend I did not exist. Later they used religious tenements to proclaim me as an "evil seed". Convenient, LOL. Mother acknowledged only once but clarified she would "not apologize as she had her own problems at the time".
They went to their graves with those mindsets.
When I am frustrated with my PTSD.....I think of this and its a bucket of cold water in my face. I choose to manage my PTSD and I am so deeply grateful I never abused anyone.
My brother moved to the other side of the world and never came back. We haven't spoken or seen each other outside of a brief email in 30 yrs.
When we entered early teens the FOO encouraged him to abuse me. He became gravely hostile towards me and notably for ending contact with my FOO.
Between us we acknowledged the abuse but somehow I was/am at fault. I was the scapegoat in my FOO, the near daily "target". He participated seeking their approval.
Its hard to explain but I saw them as the "enemy" early on....he always sought their love and approval which was utterly futile.
It has occurred to me that his hostility may be due to guilt or PTSD.....I cannot imagine how he reconciles his participation in the abuse. I would think we are/would be massive triggers for one another.
I still feel empathy for him.....I remember him "before" and I recall more of what happened since I was the oldest.
Re FOO; Father and Uncle never acknowledged abuse on any level and once I established no contact they went on to pretend I did not exist. Later they used religious tenements to proclaim me as an "evil seed". Convenient, LOL. Mother acknowledged only once but clarified she would "not apologize as she had her own problems at the time".
They went to their graves with those mindsets.
When I am frustrated with my PTSD.....I think of this and its a bucket of cold water in my face. I choose to manage my PTSD and I am so deeply grateful I never abused anyone.
katz
Platinum Member
I tried to talk to the family - anyone. They all took aim at me and there was a lot of screaming and yelling. No one wants to admit that anything ever happened. To this day, all my relationships in the family are stretched. I just see them on the holidays and "behave myself", like nothing happened.
I know that my older sister was also abused. She just won't admit it, even to herself. I have never had a relationship with her, other that common parents. She keeps her family away from me also. It will be interesting to see what happens in the future, once the folks are both gone. They are both in their 90's.
I know that my older sister was also abused. She just won't admit it, even to herself. I have never had a relationship with her, other that common parents. She keeps her family away from me also. It will be interesting to see what happens in the future, once the folks are both gone. They are both in their 90's.
Keen
Gold Member
My experience, like some others, is that my siblings want to minimize it/pretend it didn't happen. Its difficult, but I understand its their current way to cope with it.
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
