Telling People

[jokuzzi]

Family doesn't necessarily mean blood. There are many types of families and sometimes the best ones are the ones that unite over common ground (good and bad), share common needs and support each other. That's what family means.

 

[Reclusive]

Yeah, I think you're right, Linda (love the pic, by the by). I was raised to be really independent and both my parents were as well - I don't think I ever saw them ask for help from their families, so I guess everyone just expects that we're all capable on our own. But dang, it would be nice to lean on someone sometimes.....

And I agree - Family is who you want it to be, but my 'adopted' family have all moved out of state. I know they'd help if they could, but.....

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Thank you Reclusive, thought it might bring a smile. We all need to lean on someone but it is a problem for us who are stronger because of trauma. Everybody does believe we are capable and tough, that we need no one. But I told my family, you lean on me and ask my advice and yet, who is there for me? My troubles are more difficult to deal with - alone - in my thoughts - when I break I need someone to help me find the pieces.

 

[Deleted member 487]

I used to tell people, and fmaily generally brushed it off as they think my mom is a hypochrondriac. No idea if she is or isn't, but I know I'm not. And it feels as though there is nothing worse than when my disability advocate yells at me to "get over it". No, I can't get over it because I have PTSD and that is exactly what PTSD is about- the inability to get over it. All I can do is shake my head in disbelief.

ANd then when people think I do have PTSD, the harassment and discrimination I get, it's saddening.

 

[Ted Moen]

I think learning to live better with ptsd involves participating in a fuller range of relationships and activities, which will trigger stuff and make us anxious and require us to use coping strategies all of which will result in some behaviors that are somewhat different than the behaviors others would expect. I openly tell others I have ptsd because it offers others a rational for understanding my behavior when I occasionally act out or more often when I use a coping strategy to let intrusive thoughts and feelings pass without removing myself from the relationship or activity.

It took me a few years of practice, but I have learned most people don't understand ptsd but are very supportive. I don't go into detail unless the other person expresses an interest, and then I chat pretty openly. I find that most people who express an interest also are interested in sharing stuff with me, which is nice and generally results in some degree of personal bonding and feelings of mutual support.

Ted

 

[KP the nut]

I'm pleased my friends at work know. They are v supportive although they don't fully understand. It does help especially now that I'm going back to work.

They even accept the crystal angel on my desk, the moss agate turtle I carry and even my aromatherapy (lavender) on my desk.

 

[Reclusive]

I think I'm leaning towards letting people know I have anxiety issues when it comes up, that way I don't have to make up stories about why I disappeared for three days or how come I flipped out so badly over my car not starting. It's true and people seem to understand it and I won't have to go into the PTSD details. Am I not seeing a potentially disastrous consequence?

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

It helps others to become more aware. I had an episode at a gas station ... talking to myself, upset cause I couldn't find a pay phone .. I realized others were staring... I laughed and said, "Did I swear out-loud?" Then explained I had a trigger go off due to PTSD and briefly explained what the disorder was. I have a habit making others laugh at my eccentric ways ... It's my defense tool and a great way to befriend unsuspecting strangers to the quirks of PTSD.

 

[ktmarie71]

Talking about having PTSD always feels so risky. I happen to be in a complicated position. I have PTSD from trauma in my childhood and my husband now has it from combat in Iraq. I am fighting for this man and I don't have the energy to worry anymore about who knows what and what they figure out about me. I need to know for sure who my friends are and drop the dead weight if they cannot be supportive.
I do not have the worry about parents. So that may make a diffrence in the way I feel about talking. My mother and step father havent talked to me in years.
I use to think not having parents in my life was horrible. I was ashamed that my parents didn't care about me. I thought, "how bad am I that my mom won't talk to me?" However, over time I have come to realize that it is blessing in a lot of ways. I don't have to deal with the toxic nonsense and my child has no idea what it is like to be abused.
It has taken many years to feel like I could talk about this outside of therapy. Finally I am willing to risk it. I will not bring up the issue unless there is a reason for it, but I also refuse to hide anymore. I know some people will be uncomfortable with me because of this. I know some people will judge me harshly but I feel compelled. I also know some people will listen and be there and they are really the amazing people I want to be around.
I hope that maybe if some of us start talking it will help others to be more understanding and more compassionate toward our brothers and sisters in this fight.
I know this is not a risk some people can or want to take. I completely understand not wanting to talk and being careful about who knows. Sincerely, I believe that is a sensible choice to make. No one can tell you who or when to tell. It's such a personal choice and honestly, no one has to live with your choice to tell or not but you.

 

[jokuzzi]

KT,
Your words are inspiring. Thank you.

PS You have a nice face...thanks for being so brave to show yourself. I admire that.

 

[angel2write]

Am I not seeing a potentially disastrous consequence?

I kind of like the idea of saying you have "anxiety issues." It is satisfyingly vague plus a little professional sounding. Everyone knows what "anxiety" means, and if they ask for more information you can decide what to say on a case-by-case basis.

 

[Bordo66]

angel, I had to look anxiety up in the dictionary :(, hehe sucks to speak english as your 3rd language!:D
but yeah ''anxiety'' has a formal atmosphere.