Telling People

[shell]

I have not told anyone about my PTSD... I was diagnosed less than a month ago but have not told anyone. Most people I would never dream of telling. However I am very close with my sister (we are twins) but have not even told her I am going to therapy let alone that I got a diagnosis. I don't even know how to begin with that. It seems like admitting I am a failure.

Being a twin myself, I would like to think that he would confide in me, if he were in the same situation. I too am in the same situation and despite knowing he is in therapy for our childhood abuse I am unable to confide in him. I guess I am ashamed too as there are things from my childhood he knows nothing about. Maybe one day I'll take that risk, but I am worried he'll tell the rest of my family. Unfortunately my mother managed to come between the two of us. I would do anything to regain that relationship. Fear can be so overwhelming at times.

 

[angel2write]

To be totally honest, most people I know were like me - have no clue as to what PTSD is so you can 'mask' it to suit your own purpose to some extent IMHO. I wouldn't go around wearing a banner saying "I have PTSD" but I would suggest telling some people (for example the teacher above - but only enough as is required) so they can be realistic in their expectations of you.

Well, I thought about it a little more and decided this was good advice. Emailed Anne. Said I have PTSD, gave a brief explanation of how if affects my interactions with the homeschool group, stated that I was in treatment for it. They had "volunteered" me (read: appointed me when I wasn't there) to help host an awards night in June. I can't imagine anything I would be worse at than getting up on stage and trying to host a bunch of awards. Agh! Last year they let me work on the newsletter at home with my computer, and it was almost too much stress for me.

Anyhow, I explained how this condition would make the awards night difficult for me. I apologized for originally saying I could do it, and asked that someone else be chosen. (It's still 2 months off, so not like this is last minute notice.)

So far, the silence has been deafening. She usually responds to my email in a couple of hours. It's been days. Sigh. If the homeschool group decides to treat me like an alien, 80% of social contacts for me AND the children will be cut off. I am trying not to stress about this. :(

 

[redfox]

Being a twin myself, I would like to think that he would confide in me, if he were in the same situation. I too am in the same situation and despite knowing he is in therapy for our childhood abuse I am unable to confide in him. I guess I am ashamed too as there are things from my childhood he knows nothing about. Maybe one day I'll take that risk, but I am worried he'll tell the rest of my family. Unfortunately my mother managed to come between the two of us. I would do anything to regain that relationship. Fear can be so overwhelming at times.

I guess the weird thing for me is my sister went through most of the same things that I did (at least the main incident she was there also) but she doesn't seem to have these same problems that I do. She does have her own mental health issues but they are genetic/hereditary and not trauma related. I feel like by telling her I am saying "I am weaker than you because this affected me so seriously while you were able to get over it." I talked to her today (we don't live nearby but we talk on the phone a lot) and almsot told her but then I didn't. I know it's dumb... just feels impossible to say out loud.

 

[blogitout]

What I have found out is our brains are different so we can experience the same trauma and come out of it in different ways..One is not necessarily stronger just different..The part where ptsd lives and how we deal with fear..or something frighting..lets say peeka boo some kids like it some do not...I know not it is not the same but this was how it was put to me and and how I understood it...Maybe mail her a print out..?

 

[shell]

I guess the weird thing for me is my sister went through most of the same things that I did (at least the main incident she was there also) but she doesn't seem to have these same problems that I do.

It's not dumb, I haven't told anyone except my husband, he knows a little about my past. I am planning to bring up our past with my brother when I visit next month, as we now live interstate.
I am planning on asking on how he is coping, and depending on the response I'll decide what to reveal. We all process things differently, my whole life has been one big secret and I suppose if anyone would understand me, it would have to be the person I was closest to when we were being abused.
We argued over him telling me I need to forgive my mother, and that I needed to get counselling. Perhaps if I had taken his advice 10 years ago I wouldn't be in this mess?

 

[Srain]

You know what, I'm 50 and 80% of me couldn't give a rats arse what people think. I've lived my life with psoriasis, a visible disease. So what I've got a skin disease, if I want to wear short sleeves I will, you have a problem then that is you not me.

I try and be the same with PTSD, it is not my fault, it is an illness. It is not contagious, if you have a problem with me having it, then that is a lacking on your part not mine.KP

I LOVE this! I also have had my fair share of psoriasis breakouts, how odd? On top of the cutting scars that, contrary to the old belief "fade with time", in my case they seem to not. A good 65 to 70% of scars glow from what has been done by myself or others from head to foot. PTSD is not what scares people or really anything I worry about, nor the Chronic and lifetime disabling Migraines so I don't worry about those.

When Mental Illness runs in your family like a deep river so there's little to be afraid of, especially concerning a label such as PTSD, it's an answer and a healing. Some in my family seem to get by barely effected, others, then there are others like me that live lives from one trauma to another, along with the other MIs mixing in making quite the cocktail. My Grandmother and cousin killed themselves, nothing to do PTSD.

I outed my family years ago. There was an immense price to pay and I still pay it today. How other people see these horrific crimes against women and children with other than empathy or rage it is as if they themselves condone it.I could never imagine blaming a child or woman, let alone a man or soldier or any victim of trauma for going through what they had, it's beyond me. What kind of unfeeling human being does that??? If they do then out out out they go, I don't want them anywhere near me or my life.Who would?

Rain

Rain

 

[redfox]

blogitout,

I guess we are all different, that's true, but of course I have a tendency to think me and my sister are less different because we are the same age and grew up together. But of course that's not necessarily true. In terms of how we were treated by our family I guess there was a difference, and maybe that made me more susceptible or something, I don't know. I guess this is all stuff to ask my therapist but honestly I am afraid to go back... still have my weekly appointment set up but I don't know if I can really get myself to go. Guess that's just me being weak again. Lol

 

[Srain]

blogitout,

I guess we are all different, that's true, but of course I have a tendency to think me and my sister are less different because we are the same age and grew up together. But of course that's not necessarily true. In terms of how we were treated by our family I guess there was a difference, and maybe that made me more susceptible or something, I don't know. I guess this is all stuff to ask my therapist but honestly I am afraid to go back... still have my weekly appointment set up but I don't know if I can really get myself to go. Guess that's just me being weak again. Lol

I just have to say something here and that I never think or see it as "weak" because a person who cannot, will not, does not want to inform others of their PTSD,. it's a very private and personal issue. I was simply speaking for myself and how I see it from my standpoint. I truly believe that anyone not suffering with it should be thoroughly educated.

Rain

 

[Grim]

It took me a while to tell my family, because I wasnt sure how they would take it - Dad doesn't believe in depression or mental illness he just sees it as 'young people not know how to deal with problems' so he doesnt want to know about it, confided in my Mum about it and it blew up in my face. Keep finding out about all these people she has told and seems like I am the laughing stock of our family, her work colleagues and pretty much anyone really. So it blew up in my face - so vowed to never talk to anyone else about it.

I know if I told my parents I'd receive a similar response as you've unfortunately had.

Sometimes I reach a point where I'm desperate to talk. I look at my mother and think to myself 'I really want to talk to you - I want to let you know what happened ..... But experience tells me this would be a disaster. Simply, if I wanted the world and his wife to know that I'd been abused and have PTSD I'd put a notice on the front page of my local paper. I don't need my family half telling the story to all and sundry, as I know they would!

Its horrendous that you've had something so personal and private broadcast to the world. I feel your frustration and anguish.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Its horrendous that you've had something so personal and private broadcast to the world. I feel your frustration and anguish.

It was the biggest mistake that I have ever made and regret it every day. But its done now, so the abuse is just something that I have to take and live with.

 

[Tinyflame]

Missing-the-sunshine, one possible positive is that it will help you to be able to see in the future who you can say something to and who you can't, to the degree to which it is possible to predict how they will react or respond- how compassionate they are, if you feel they will believe you, if they will not hold or use it against you, if they will respect what you tell them- as in realizing that it is private, includes shameful (feelings) etc, if they can recognize how difficult it is to say anything- to even 'spit the words out'!
But it will probably take a long time to 'try' again.

I had a lot of pain from that experience too, but I guess it has forced me to approach some degree of acceptance that it is actually possible to have a voice and not be left with that type of consequence, outside of my 'family'.
I guess that helps practise 'trust', too.

((((((M-the-Sunshine)))))

 

[charliehotelwhiskey]

I try and keep my PTSD on a need to know basis. My family does not know about the PTSD, mostly it was to protect my mother. She had heart problems and was frail. I told my best friend of 8 years just 2 weeks ago. My family doctor knows and I had to tell my employer about it to. Although I don't think my boss really understands or cares. There are a couple of people at work that I trust who know, just in case I need support at work.