Telling People

[livergirl70]

Linda.

Do you reckon families get nervous about it cos they know they have failed us?

 

[jokuzzi]

I avoid telling people except those close to me. Even then, the people closest to me have trouble understanding what i'm going through. Telling people you're not close to is just inviting more stress upon yourself. Most won't understand, others will use it against you because they see it as a weak spot. Beware... Until you're strong enough to protect yourself from the scrutiny, stick with the people you can trust and support you.

 

[angel2write]

I'm wondering about this issue right now, too. I'm in a homeschooling group that's led by a very active, resourceful, organized, sociable woman. She expects me to be able to do more than I am able to do. This comes up at church, too. She is very nice, but I get the feeling she thinks everyone ought to be able to do as much as her.

I told the scout troop that I had health issues, and now they all come up to me wanting to know how I am and how the symptoms are going... and I feel like a loser and a liar.

I'd like to tell this lady the truth, thinking she might be more understanding of the way I let her down sometimes, or the odd things I say or do. But on the other hand, she's so dad-blamed mentally healthy, I'm not sure she would be understanding or sympathetic. It might make things worse instead of better.

Not sure what to do. I'll tell you, though, Reclusive; my advice would be don't tell your family if you think there's any chance they might use it as a weapon against you. You know best if they're the kind of people who look for weaknesses to exploit or not.

 

[angel2write]

Also, hard to think of a way to explain why I have PTSD. "I was gang-raped when I was six" is kind of... gross?

 

[jokuzzi]

Angel,
I've known "miss perfect" and trust me...she's probably not you best choice to confide in. I'm not saying you need to disguise yourself as being perfect, but don't compare yourself to her standards - you are you. And by the way gross would not be the way I would describe your trauma, there are much stronger words, maybe pure evil would be more appropriate.

 

[Nicolette]

I have mixed views....... depending on what response you give and the circumstances etc.

For example, when I introduce Anthony to clients/friends etc and they ask him what he does for work it drives me insane that he tells them he is retired despite it being the truth. Problem is perception as next time I see these people I get questions, comments made to the effect of trying to establish why someone so young is retired with the normal presumption he is rich. I also get comments like "if your husband is retired why do you work so hard?".

I have asked Anthony to say he builds websites or does internet stuff or anything as, while he thinks saying he is retired shuts them up, it doesn't really.

As for telling others..... I think honesty is the best policy with a dash of only what is required mixed in...... as in say what you need to without having to spill your guts or make yourself seem as you have two heads.

To be totally honest, most people I know were like me - have no clue as to what PTSD is so you can 'mask' it to suit your own purpose to some extent IMHO. I wouldn't go around wearing a banner saying "I have PTSD" but I would suggest telling some people (for example the teacher above - but only enough as is required) so they can be realistic in their expectations of you.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

It took me a while to tell my family, because I wasnt sure how they would take it - Dad doesn't believe in depression or mental illness he just sees it as 'young people not know how to deal with problems' so he doesnt want to know about it, confided in my Mum about it and it blew up in my face. Keep finding out about all these people she has told and seems like I am the laughing stock of our family, her work colleagues and pretty much anyone really. So it blew up in my face - so vowed to never talk to anyone else about it. My therapist has asked about involving someone in therapy but once I explained everything to her she knows that it is never going to happen. So my support people are my doctor and my therapist the only 2 people I discuss my issues with. It sucks not having support from your family and I don't want things to change with friends or to burden them with my problems - but then again you can't pick your family - you are kinda stuck with them. I know I didn't help your issue- but just be 100% sure that you want to do it because I would hate to see the same thing happen to you. Good luck with it all.

 

[Bordo66]

Cheers Bordo66, but it has been months and part of the reason the way I am is because I have always been the "disappointment" in the kids, never mind I have/might have a good career, but because my sister married a bloke who earns loads she is more of an asset than me, single mum, pyscho ex and just keeping my head above water

I think my dad is also dissapointed in me, he kept going on and on and on that I should study something with computers, because I game a lot everyone thinks im some freakin genious and every1 calls me when their comps break down :s.

Well you have the psycho ex, I have a psycho dead, well like everyone in my family has a louse wire up there but still.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Hi livergirl70.

People with PTSD have a better understanding for the human condition and the demons that become of them. Many family members feel they have failed because their lack of understanding from an experience involving immediate 'life and death' events; which brings us to a level where our primitive nature takes over with the raw reality our life is threatened to exist no more. Those of us who live through such tragic events - usually are grateful for a whole new heightened level to the "Meaning of life," some of us least not forgot, the value of life has no material price, ever. Embrace those tears, let them fall because you are purging the 'bad' away, not suppressing the disease which will eat you alive. If you are having a 'bad day,' and a family member or friend calls, comes over... tell them it's a bad day and perhaps that they should let you be if THEY can't handle it and you will get back when that wave calms down. I hang-up on my adult children if they begin with their righteous opinion on my emotional matters. I say: "I don't want to talk too you - I love you forever but, I'm hanging up - good-bye." I've unplugged phone, too. I heal and then when I feel like a 'righteous' (haha) mom - I call them back and firmly put them in their place for their lack of compassion and human kindness for another's suffering. I am, all for telling how you feel as often as needed to get better and to 'educate' those who are ignorant to the sufferings of others.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Hi Angel2write,
It is hard to talk about sexual PTSD, I have that too but, just the way you explained it: "I was gang-raped when I was six," is not gross but, horrific and anyone with a good soul would not put you down for it but, put their arm around you.. The harsh truth is what people need - it leaves no room for denial when it comes from your heart.

 

[Reclusive]

Wow, thank you for all the responses. I think I'm leaning towards just telling trusted people. I've always been the freak in my family - well, ever since my mom passed - she was the freak, first. Just sometimes I want to scream it from the mountain tops "I HAVE PTSD AND I'M HAVING A CRAPPY DAY I NEED HELP!" and wish I had family to go to for that kind of support. But you guys are right, my fam would sweep it under the rug, put their fingers in their ears, and run away going 'lalalalalala' and never speak to me again (as if they do now).

I have told a couple friends here and there, and surprisingly they have similar diagnosis, I was so surprised when my friend told me she has PTSD, too. It does give me someone to talk to. But I need help with the regular life-stuff and I know my family helps each other with those things, just not me. I guess I just really want a family I can never have.

Thank you again for all the comments.

Edited to add: For instance, I walked down 2 blocks to the park today to take pictures and I get the urge to post my triumph on FB, but I don't want to sound like a total nutter, y'know?

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Hi Reclusive,

Sometimes we have to pick and grow our own families. Hahaha ... Kidding aside, sometimes families don't help us because they believe we are stronger because of our experiences. Which is true for the most part. We appear stronger because we live in a hyper-arousal state of mind but you are right, it is the everyday stuff that gets hard to do. Even brushing your hair...