Telling People

[Reclusive]

So, I want support. I want the support of my friends and my family, and the people I've told about the PTSD seem really understanding so far. But they were already close friends to begin with. I kind of want to tell my extended family, but I'm not really sure they care about me and I don't see a way to have a relationship with them without telling them. How do you handle who to tell, what, when, and how and all that stuff?

 

[cherryblossom]

Honestly? I'd be really careful who you tell, if you are thinking of telling people that are not too close to you. You can still have a relationship with others. There are many different levels of relationships/ friendships. It's hard to always know who to trust. I tend now to confide in only in people who have confided in me. Even then I've still had my fingers burnt. Take it slowly. Maybe you already have enough people to support you through the rough times. I'm not saying don't talk to others, but pick your confidants carefully, so as not to get hurt.

 

[Mr. Smith]

Well for me now, I have one close friend that knows and she understands and she really helping me get over stuff, but like what Cherryblossom said don't confide unless they do the same. You really don't want to start off a conversation saying "Hi my names Luke, I have PTSD" (Luke, my name). You want people to love you and not associate you with a disorder. Telling them might be hard or easy, worth telling or not, but life is a risk. Sometimes you have to have a little faith in others and hope they will have a little faith in you. Life is a risk worth taking even if there is an "IF" in LIFE.
"Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first." ~Frederick B. Wilcox

 

[KP the nut]

You know what, I'm 50 and 80% of me couldn't give a rats arse what people think. I've lived my life with psoriasis, a visible disease. So what I've got a skin disease, if I want to wear short sleeves I will, you have a problem then that is you not me.

I try and be the same with PTSD, it is not my fault, it is an illness. It is not contagious, if you have a problem with me having it, then that is a lacking on your part not mine.

I'm pissed off with peoples attitudes towards all sort of illnesses, be it disfiguring or mental. I apologise for the language but I am fighting back at society.

(((Reclusive))) I'm sorry I haven't really answered, basically I'm upfront. Most folk don't have a clue, some have and are supportive anyone else can but out and go suck lemons.

If they have a problem then that is their issue, you are a strong, inspirational person. Do what you feel is right and stand up straight. I'm there with you.

KP

 

[freakofnurture]

I regret having talked about my PTSD to anyone but my husband and my two closest friends. Because now I have problems to stop explaining. There are so many misunderstandings and my relatives' own issues that keep them from effectively empathising with me. They know why I don't want to have contact with my p*rents, but they don't understand it. It's frustrating to not be understood, because it means to get tons of invalidating comments, questions and suggestions, and to be lured into wading deeper and deeper into the issue during a phone call that started completely harmless.

I agree with cherryblossom about having relationships on different levels. You don't have to disclose anything if you don't feel like it.
If you have problems with saying No, communicating your boundaries and accepting not being understood, I'd be really careful. You might end up hurting yourself while achieving nothing for the relationship or even making it worse.

 

[moondust]

Who I tell depends on my comfort level with them. This does not guarentee their acceptance. Of course, when all this first started I was open with my family and closest friends. This put quite a strain on all of my relationships and no one will talk about it with me anymore. So I get support where I can and just gleen what little support I get from my family and friends off the top.

 

[Kintsugi]

The first thing that my parents told me after hearing about the sexual abuse I suffered was that I mustn't ever tell anyone about it. This led me into a lot of silence and then a lot of explosive disclosure later. I have found over time that it is hard to keep consciously quiet or consciously vocal; neither seemed to work for me, at least neither seemed to render support.

I have a bad habit of saying things that take some kind of research to decode, which I'm not necessarily advocating, this is just how it's been for me. Sometimes it comes up in a situation that I had PTSD, like when it's dark and I'm walking with some people and jump or hit the deck at hearing a loud noise, and I explain my wacky behavior by saying, "I have PTSD," which usually prompts, "You do?" to which I generally explain that I was a vet. From the Revolutionary War. Or some such stinking BS (I sincerely apologize if this sardonic comment bothers any vets here. Anyone who knows me from a tree knows I'm not a vet, and it's easier than saying, "Yeah, well, continuous sexual abuse is a b*tch. Hah! Am I right?"). Those who know anything about the disorder or care enough to look into it generally come to me at some point to ask why I really have PTSD, at which point I ask if they know anything about PTSD that is non-vet related, and depending on their answer I either tell them what has happened in the detail I feel comfortable with or I ask what their deductions are and fill in the blanks as necessary/comfortable.

It sounds really roundabout, and depends on the reactions of those around you, and it's not exactly what I would describe as 'discloure,' but it's something that's been working for me. These individuals that follow up on my flippancy are usually those from whom I receive the best reaction, who render validation instead of questions and sympathy rather than shock. I guess what I'm saying is, maybe there is a way to somehow screen those who you are contemplating telling before you decide to definitely do so. For me, I haven't talked much to my more distant relatives, even those I have a relationship with, because I know that my parents (while telling me to be quiet) spread their own story of my experience through the collective family mind, and I don't want to talk to people who are pretending they don't know what they do know.

I hope I said something of use in all that.

 

[Bordo66]

Hey mate,

I have the same problem, I just wanna tell my family/friends about it every day, I talked with my mentor about it and he said: we dont know how most of the people will react to it and catch it up, it will be alright today but you will the person with PTSD the next morning. They will judge you on your dissease rather than your personality.

So I would be careful because 99,99% wont understand PTSD and what you're going through. If you really trust the person then I think you can tell him/her.

 

[livergirl70]

My family are pretty crap at being able to talk to about mental health issues, even though my mum works in a drs surgery :( so I just printed a load of stuff off the internet and gave it to them. I'm not saying it's wonderful now, she still ignores what is wrong, the cause of it all, but she does understand the symptoms

 

[Bordo66]

Still it's better than nothing, I want to tell my mom for instance what I'm going through but she has no idea what disease I'm suffering from and I get help for it :s

I would say give her a few days and than try talking about!

 

[livergirl70]

Cheers Bordo66, but it has been months and part of the reason the way I am is because I have always been the "disappointment" in the kids, never mind I have/might have a good career, but because my sister married a bloke who earns loads she is more of an asset than me, single mum, pyscho ex and just keeping my head above water

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

My entire life been called eccentric - well - I have Ptsd to thank for that quirk in my character - haha - so, whenever or wherever I find myself in public having an attack, I laugh nervously and explain I was having an ptsd episode ... it does explain my weird behavior and quite frankly, I don't care what others think of me when I share something personal. It is my strength to set it straight. Family has a harder time dealing with members that have PTSD, less patience. So, I rarely speak of episodes because they get mad!.. go figure.. eh? And, of course when something happens they say, "why didn't you tell me?" It is hard for family to hear the horror behind the triggers. My children have said I am too much for them. I correct them with mother's guilt: "You asked me what's going on and when I tell you what's wrong you don't want to hear the truth." Tell people for yourself, not for them. You will find it will build strength to stand taller. Take care.