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Ten, Twenty, Thirty - Words, For When Sentences Evade You

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10. Happy boxes float only with my help. thrown around by others
20. Slippers swish, rug bends, air moves, spirits smile, round about way to clean out a closet in record time
30. thirty one hundred thoughsand sand beach jellyfish, Rachel, bobbie, two of them, should, could, would not so fast buddy because rockets flair in the night and faeries dance on the sparks
 
10: failure, can't, blood, hate, sad, she, sad, disappointed, cry, rip

20: wiping blood, pain, hate myself, worthless, bad, dumb, incapable, f*cked up, my fault, SHE, sad, can't, failed, unworthy, alone, hurt

30: me, worried, anxiety, no strength, can't function, hard, blood, she hides sadness, I'm bad, bad, bad... Sad, crying, unwirthy, stomach ache, pain, no sleep, crying, pain, lost, darkness scary, scared
 
Ten: worried about work and school, trying to get more money, tired, achy, fed up, debating, extremely moody and more fed up
Twenty: screamy, bitchy, fed up with the bullsh*t perfection of my husband, being bossed around, needing to be alone, no more men
Thirty; fart jokes, being sarcastic, prayer, still need more yarn, dirty jokes, talking to my best friends in the world, getting my St. MIchael sculpture, thinking of my new tattoo, putting things in a perspective light hearted way when it comes to our PTSD trying to bring people up, hearing people belch, giving and teaching children that no matter what, they should be loved and I should adopt them all....oh yeah, and my cats.
 
10: frustrated, sad, anxious, annoyed, feeling inept, stuck, withdrawn, finances tight

20: illness, elderly, people not taking care of themselves, me either, "should" do better, why can't I, I'm stupid and weak, need to change

30: quagmire, busy but under employed, helpful but not putting my needs first, need to get some balls to reshuffle the deck this year, failure to thrive, confidence in the toilet, what's it gonna take for me to get a calm and peaceful life that I can manage?

Okay so that wasn't words. Only the first 12 or so were... then the "thoughts" kicked in. I need to practice free flow for a while cuz apparently I don't want to crack the lid (afraid of what I'll find under there).
 
10. I me my headache but not really, something like one though
20. bust up laughing, I wish, instead I feel like crying, acting like nothing is wrong when something could be, but might not be too
30. so I wrote more than 20, big deal, I always was a rule breaker anyways, so why not break a rule here where I feel like I am among friends at least!
 
10:
Failure, blood, wounds, shower, my body, puke, hate, die, sad
20:
Fear, SHE, "it's okay", lie, abandoned, sad, pain, hate myself, unworthy, stop, odd one out, me, fat, stupid, ugly
30:
Pain, scratch, blood, hate, failure, can't stop, awful, sad, hate, red hands, blood, always, hate, failed, anxiety, tired, diarrhea, blood, face, blood, wounds, blood, failed, mad, crazy, unworthy
 
10. Sometimes, never, always, truth not although sometimes close maybe
20. Dog, cat, fish, bird, pets so nice, but no more, as I need to go to the Hospital sometimes and pets make it hard to do.
30. Piddle paddle, fiddle, faddle, Mickey Mouse, Olive Oil, Popeye, bloopers, bloomers, forks, knives, spoons, forgetfulness is such a pain! I cannot recall your name, and don't expect me to remember it, even though you have told me it many a time.
 
10. GrrRrr, murder, desperation, pancakes, lonely, desire, back to myself, desolation

20. Headbutts, the Hassle, forgiveness, hold me, mouth, my Voice!, yelling, being heard, silent, mute, absence, silence, nothing, inquisitive, puzzlement, enraged, disappointment

30. Warrior cat, courage, bravery, resolute, unrelenting, hoping, loving, sparkle pony, Rainbow Dash Airways, freedom (from myself), above the clouds, visionary, enlightening, light, sudden understanding, resentment, a thing of the past.
 
10: I'm okay, warmth, words, light, sharing, bubbles, paws, knives, home

20: people, talking, sharing, shame, health, moving, bills, who cares, staring, still quite missing him, wind and postponed blues, moving spirits

30: falling into baby's embrace, those tears are still there even when not, face paint, exhaustion, not even goddamn scarf right, just breathe, different country for a reason, remember, same stupid mistakes, light washes it all off, different tune, stop biting your dogtags there's dinner
 
10: tired, sore, ill, weight gain, emotionally blah, bad, uncomfortable, sad, hurting

20: situations, difficult, uncomfortable, wanting easier, hesitant, confidence low, surrounded by people but feeling alone, worry, no backsliding, can't happen, just shut up and do it

30: Injured, expensive, need to work, ending a commitment, trepidation about time off, don't expect too much, discipline, do what I can do by myself, people are busy, family situation sucks, whining, stupid, fish died
 
10: commands, old, restless, fed up, unsure, hoping, just f*cking listen

20: not-my-land, why would you do that, pizza, cheese, gold star, coffee for courage, closed door, f*ck bayonets, no going back

30: is it a year ago really, where has the time gone, i totally forgot about that other thing, facepalming, just-talk-to-me, rechecking med doses, rechecking papers, it's so interesting how not-in-the-now I am now
 
10: stress, pain, decision, end, how, what will I say?, not ever good enough

20: desire to assist, can't cost me, injury is costing me, long recovery, no shame in withdrawing support, need to take care of me

30: I have given a lot of time, lopsided friendship now, one way, time to rebalance, put the time into my own home and relationship, healthy fear of re-injury or jeopardizing my ability to do my job, not personal, just dollars and cents.
 
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