Terminal Illness And Acceptance

[shimmerz]

She has been given 1 to 2 years, if she continues at the rate she is going.

And Lion, is she restricted given her condition? With the 1 to 2 years expectancy do you feel like there may be positive things that you and she can do while she is still well enough to do so? That may be such a gift to her. And you. That would perhaps fall under the 'plan on living life' thoughts you are having.

 

[intothelight]

I have a piece of paper with a diagnosis that reads "terminal". Every once in a while I pull it out and kind of smile, and I put it away and laugh as they forgot to put on the expiration date!!!

I am not in denial and I accept my diagnosis, but I am not going out without a fight. So I researched and found so many options, clinical trials and some really encouraging developments. Its still terminal, but there is a good possibility that I can be part of the 10% that survives ten or more years. At the same time, I am doing everything that I can to keep my overall health a good as possible so the treatments can be most effective.

What I accepted is I have this disease. I have control over some major aspects of my health. I can choose to live each day as fully as possible.

Yes, I have a will, advance directive and I have made my wishes known for services and burial. Having children meant that some of that was in place long ago and updated accordingly. But for now I am doing pretty good and busy planning a mule ride on the south rim of the Grand Canyon in about 2 weeks. I focus on living and not on dying and I also accept that statistics are just that...numbers and not necessarily mine.

 

[Lionheart]

And Lion, is she restricted given her condition? With the 1 to 2 years expectancy do you feel like there may be positive things that you and she can do while she is still well enough to do so? That may be such a gift to her. And you. That would perhaps fall under the 'plan on living life' thoughts you are having.

She is restricted by being on Oxygen 24-7 and limited with regards to physical exertion. We are sharing an apartment so we do spend a lot of time together. I am hoping to get her to try the nicotine vaporizer or go back on her E-cig.

I hope to get her to stop smoking as I know this could ultimately prolong her life or at the least improve the quality of it and I suppose the best way for me to do that would be to set the example and quit.

There are low impact things we could do together to make the most of whatever time there is. Tonight, we are going to a Halloween party with friends and I hope to make some good memories and have some fun. I am sure there are things we could do together to make the most of things. I will need to do some brainstorming to figure out just what that will consist of. Something healthy, but fun.

Thanks @shimmerz

 

[Lionheart]

I am not in denial and I accept my diagnosis, but I am not going out without a fight. I am doing everything that I can to keep my overall health a good as possible so the treatments can be most effective.

What I accepted is I have this disease. I have control over some major aspects of my health. I can choose to live each day as fully as possible.

I focus on living and not on dying and I also accept that statistics are just that...numbers and not necessarily mine.

I like that you have put the focus back on life and living and that is what I wish to do as well. I too will go out fighting, for myself and for my sister.

 

[The Albatross]

"eventually terminal" and actually terminal are two altogether different things. But with that I withdraw.

 

[Deleted member 541]

COPD. Isn't really treatable. I have had 2 pulmonary drs tell me that the meds given to treat COPD, do very little. COPD is a progressive disease. There are things that one can do to help ease the symptoms, but nothing actually will stop the progression.

Besides we are ALL terminal. All of us and everything on this earth that lives, is terminal.. I believe it's our attitudes about living that determines how we will die. We can either go out fighting it, or we can resign to the fact that we can't live forever. I just choose the latter.

I deal with suicide ideation enough every freaking day, and have had some pretty heavy suicide attempts, to worry about COPD, or coming down with some other malady. I Just don't have enough energy to go around.

 

[mamachick]

I get what Albatross is saying. It may be terminal but can go on for a long time with quality. I am sure that for someone who is mentally healthy and has a good support system, they may be more inclined to put down the smokes and live life to the fullest. Having ptsd is challenging enough, but illness and death is also inevitable.

Like Lyonheart said, he could quit and be a model for his sister. I know my sister would not have quit on her own even if that was her illness. She had pancreatic cancer that was already in both lungs and liver when diagnosed. She went straight into hospice and used an e cigarette, and so did I and other 2 sisters while with her. (they both had already quit). One has been on nicotine gum and breathing treatments for 20 yrs. I think much has to do with attitude, which I think Albatross it referring to. Before ptsd, I had much different outlook and attempted to model and encourage positive thinking and life. As much as I try today, most days being positive, interactive, and productive is just showering, eating, caring for my dogs and a couple little chores or errands.

@The Albatross-I really respect your opinions. I do think that our brains are just wired different and some may be doing the best they/we know how. I like your attitude and wish I had it. Im sure that it is rooted in those damn beliefs and that there is some underlying belief that rules how we see things.

Like She Cat, I deal with SI everyday. I can't say it is exactly that though, as much as I find some peace in the thoughts. For me, I am afraid to not be able to do for myself, thus someone else having control of the most basic things in life-such as nursing home scenario. Also not having any loved ones to look out for me when that time comes. That I am afraid of.

@Lionheart777- I can only say that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am here if you ever need to talk. I feel like I know what you are saying although I may not be articulating it well. I used my own sisters death as comparison but in 5 weeks I did not have time to think, just cry, pull myself together, and travel to be with her. She was in hospice care at my other sisters house who lived near her. She wanted a bath so bad, and they only put her in a shower chair. She was so medicated but I knew what she wanted due to our daily talks for past 50 years. When the hospice nurse came, I said she is getting a bath today and I will assist you. (because they don't do that). There was little I could do for her but make her comfortable and feel human. Hospice was wonderful. She would ask me things, like what I thought was going to happen. How long I thought she had. What I think will come next. I know that she knew how much I love her, and that we would meet again.

ok enough as I am making myself sad and my intent is not that, but to let you know that it is ok to feel whatever you are feeling. What will be-will be. In this process you may feel many things, including anger. This is going to be a process and a unique experience of your own.

 

[Lionheart]

I get what Albatross is saying. It may be terminal but can go on for a long time with quality. I am sure that for someone who is mentally healthy and has a good support system, they may be more inclined to put down the smokes and live life to the fullest.

I get that too....that it may go a long time with quality. I pray for that....however, I am not sure my sister is mentally healthy at this time. She seems to have death wish. She doesn't put forth an effort to quit smoking although she knows she is quickly getting worse and speeding the progression of the disease. She says that death would be a relief to her. I worry that her depression not being treated successfully is the culprit. She also has PTSD. It's as if she has already given up on herself and I can't easily accept that. I love my sister, she is 5 years younger than me, and my closest sibling.

Our family is small and I don't like the idea of losing my sister, or any family member for that matter *(mom). I miss my father and I am trying to make final arrangements for myself so that I can have that squared away and move on with the business of living.

I also need to stop smoking and quit putting it off...I think it would be nice if I could get my sister to quit with me at the same time...this is another thing that I pray for.

@brat17 thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers and for offering your support, I am honored. I may take you up on take you up on talking with you, I value your insight and presence, tho' I can get a bit chatty at times.

I do have a bit going on right now. I am not in therapy at this time either and I am dealing with my own mortality in general and trying to prepare for the eventuality that my mother will one day pass over. It weighs on me and comes through in my dreams.

By the way I am sorry for the loss of your sister and that sharing made you feel sad, If it is okay with you I am sending out warm, healing hugs and wishing you comfort and peace.

With much respect and gratitude,

your friend,
Lion

 

[mamachick]

Thank you for your kind words Lionheart. I understand about wanting your sister to quit too, and that she is depressed. Prayer is always good. As much as you want to change that, only she can do that and even she may not be able to. My sister found her husband dead from heart attack in 2010. She was already depressed and probably had ptsd too, (didn't believe in counseling) but after his death, she was never the same and REALLY quit trying I think. He did everything for her and now she had to navigate the world for herself. Not only could I not help her elevate her mood and quality of like, trying seemed to bring me down further. I was just a year into my own ptsd diagnosis. We have to keep trying but also accepting that we can't change our loved ones attitude.

I am praying for your sister too.
Hugs accepted and returned
Brat

PS. My sister named me "brat"- She was 7 when I was born and an irritant to her at the time, later to be best friends and a term of endearment

 

[Tinyflame]

JMHO @Lionheart777 , from a family mostly 'off to the next life' early; life is a terminal illness. And to give someone '6 months" might be 5 months and 29 days more than they will actually have, when a falling road sign hits them. Or it might be 6 months and 10 years, & defy all odds.

Make the most of today, that's all we've got. it's a gift to potentially have some forewarning, whether from a possibilty offered by a Dr, or wisdom. Laugh a lot, kiss a lot, do love a lot.

Prayers, xoxox.

Ps, a lot of people turn to cigarettes with undiagnosed adhd (your sister?) It's a form of effective self-medicating- they are trying to create new adhd drugs based on the Nicotinamide molecule, no less. Vaping (not including, as I understand it e-cigs, they ren't effective) works as a replacement. It's nothing to do with will power, morality, or to a shockingly less degree, even addiction- the addiction to the other compounds is broken quickly when vaping).

:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Kailani]

I don't think you have to accept a terminal illness, just accept what your sister wants. I didn't ever accept my grandfather's. It will be what it will be. I found that the more I care for others in life, the easier it is to grieve their death. I say bucket list it! Do the things you want and make memories. Even just baking cookies, painting, reading a great book and talking, local fun trips. Struggling with what am I going to do when he is gone was the hardest part but it was easier than I built it up but not entirely easy. Foot massages, games, little gifts are fun. From what I learned e cigs can actually be more harmful than reg cigs because there is still particulate in the lungs. They are only recommended as a stop smoking aid and not a habit. I would have her and you talk to a professional because hard core smokers typically need two forms of quit methods to be successful, but it's your call. My heart and prayers go out to you. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow and it's always nice when people know and have a chance to get things in order in every way. I say live it up every day you can. Love and prayers

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Lionheart777, the one thing that I learned with my step mom is you can't control what she does. And I bought a vaporizer and fluid for her and my dad and i took away her cigs and my dad stopped buying them...until she snuck off to a neighbor and was trying to hide she was still smoking by doing it around the corner. My dad and i are both ex smokers and can smell smoke on her a mile away. All excuses of "i was talking to *this neighbor* and they were smoking"; we called bullshit, we finally just gave up.

I now have a clear conscience. I bought it for her and gave her info on how i quit and stopped her funds and supported her and cheerleaded for her and within a day she was sneeking around.

You can only control you and what you do. You need to stop smoking. You do. And i'd say to not be around her if she is smoking as that will make it impossible or much much harder for you to quit. Now if her depression means she has a death wish and has PTSD, and if she advises you she wants to die, maybe you can get her involuntaryly commited where she wouldn't be able to smoke. In a medical & mental hospital.

But all you can control is you and, in my opinion, you are focused on her so much that you aren't focused on yourself and your own heath.

Help her as much as you can. Buy her a vaporizer and fluid, if you can, and give her the opened door but then let it go and focus on yourself. She needs to take care of herself. If not then, in my view, its a bit codependant.

And when she passes, you will hold her with you. You don't need to be ready for her to go as, in my opinion, you won't ever be ready. But when she does and if she does go before you, you hold her with you.

I'm not trying to go off topic. I'm just trying to tell you the truth. You seem to want to accept she will die. Just accept that you can't control what she does. If she chooses to smoke well that is what she chooses. You can choose differently.