I just wanted to say a sincere thank you to everybody on the forum, for your help in helping me to understand PTSD. More than that though, I want to thank you on behalf of the sufferers that you help, because I doubt they say it themselves, or see how much of yourselves you give to help them, how hard it is for each of you. Most people won't, and indeed can't, understand the stress and turmoil each day is when supporting someone we care about, someone who has to suffer each and every day with a mask covering how they truly feel. Even a few months ago, I had no idea just what it was like. So sincerely, on behalf of those you help, thank you for being there.
Me, on the other hand, I'm done, I've reached my limits. I'm done feeling unhappy, that this is a one sided relationship, that I'm being used. I'm ending things with my sufferer today, and while I love her, I know it's not fair to force her to change everything for me. The last week has been tough, at work as much as with her. I can cope with isolating, but this was more the push-pull dynamic. Monday she seemed off, so I offered space, she took it. Tuesday she wanted to meet for lunch, but was in a "toddler" stage of wanting things until she had them, wanting to scream to the world, asking me if she was a good girlfriend. Wednesday I got a text first thing in the morning, then nothing until I left work. Thursday, she came round, wanted to cuddle on the sofa for an hour with a film then vanished home. Yesterday is the straw that broke the camels back. Things were ok in the morning, then silence until 4, when she text me asking if she could borrow money (for her second, private therapist). I said yes, then didn't hear back until five hours later when I got a text "Can you come meet me, I'm at (pub where a colleague met me before abusing me). I'm worried about walking home alone." - I'd had a long week at work, wasn't feeling sociable, the reply would have been "thanks but I'm not up for it" except for that second half that turned it into a "I need you now" situation - I ran out the house, left lights and TV on to get there...and she was fine. She was drunk, not close to finishing her drink and in no distress. I said I wasn't feeling up to being out and left (which I admit was probably rude, and the friend she was with found me rude too) - but I still sat down the road for 20 minutes in the cold incase she came out and wanted me to walk her home - an offer which when I called her after I got fed up of waiting I was told wasn't a problem and her friend would walk her home. I know it's likely a case of me setting firm boundaries, but I feel that there's a lack of communication on her part - a "hope you're having a good evening, if you feel up for it you should come out later" about 7-ish too much to ask for? Plus, I feel life is far too short to spend being unhappy, in being miserable. I already get that from work, I don't need that from the person I love too.
Me, on the other hand, I'm done, I've reached my limits. I'm done feeling unhappy, that this is a one sided relationship, that I'm being used. I'm ending things with my sufferer today, and while I love her, I know it's not fair to force her to change everything for me. The last week has been tough, at work as much as with her. I can cope with isolating, but this was more the push-pull dynamic. Monday she seemed off, so I offered space, she took it. Tuesday she wanted to meet for lunch, but was in a "toddler" stage of wanting things until she had them, wanting to scream to the world, asking me if she was a good girlfriend. Wednesday I got a text first thing in the morning, then nothing until I left work. Thursday, she came round, wanted to cuddle on the sofa for an hour with a film then vanished home. Yesterday is the straw that broke the camels back. Things were ok in the morning, then silence until 4, when she text me asking if she could borrow money (for her second, private therapist). I said yes, then didn't hear back until five hours later when I got a text "Can you come meet me, I'm at (pub where a colleague met me before abusing me). I'm worried about walking home alone." - I'd had a long week at work, wasn't feeling sociable, the reply would have been "thanks but I'm not up for it" except for that second half that turned it into a "I need you now" situation - I ran out the house, left lights and TV on to get there...and she was fine. She was drunk, not close to finishing her drink and in no distress. I said I wasn't feeling up to being out and left (which I admit was probably rude, and the friend she was with found me rude too) - but I still sat down the road for 20 minutes in the cold incase she came out and wanted me to walk her home - an offer which when I called her after I got fed up of waiting I was told wasn't a problem and her friend would walk her home. I know it's likely a case of me setting firm boundaries, but I feel that there's a lack of communication on her part - a "hope you're having a good evening, if you feel up for it you should come out later" about 7-ish too much to ask for? Plus, I feel life is far too short to spend being unhappy, in being miserable. I already get that from work, I don't need that from the person I love too.
