The Aftermath Of A Crisis

[sun seeker]

I went through quite an awful time last week, as some of you know because I posted here and corresponded with a few people privately. I am doing better now and just picking up the pieces of the crisis in terms of catching up with the bits of my life I had to let go.

Then one of the people who supported me through the crisis surprised me by expressing that they were upset that I had not yet gotten around to telling them in detail how the crisis was resolved. I certainly intended to, but hadn't gotten to it yet. My physical and emotional energy were spent.

I feel it's considerate after people have been worried about me, to get back to them and reassure them that I am all right. Somehow I didn't get around to one of them quickly enough, and I feel a little badly that I didn't. It isn't not caring or not being appreciative, but I can see how it might look that way to some. It's just that putting life together after it falls apart is so exhausting. It kind of feels like I have a list of thank-you notes to write after Christmas or something. I'm hoping I can learn to deal with this better so during my next crisis, I'm not afraid to reach out for help in case someone might be hurt that I don't get around to updating them on how I'm doing after the intense part is over. I've been trying to, but also trying to catch up on work, on housework, on my sleep schedule, and on reorganizing my shaken-up inner landscape.

Whew. I'm not sure how I can do better, but if anyone has suggestions, I'm interested. I don't want to be one of those people who is only around when they need something, you know? I hope I'm not. I try not to be.

Got to go, the rest of my life is calling.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I tend to see this as a "pay it forward" thing. As long as you write a general post that you are ok and thanks everyone, I would think that you would be too exhausted to write to everyone who helped you. I help others when I can, and I do a lot of that in my 3D life. It all evens out in my mind.

 

[Ellabella44]

I havent read up on the crisis you went through. Wishing you well as you start over after it.

 

[rosey]

I agree with @DharmaGirl. Help people in hope that when you need help someone will be there doing the same for you.

As for repsonses a thanks i am fine should suffice anything in addition to that is yours to disclose not others to demand.

Glad your crisis is over and take care of yourself whilst you process it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Just glad you're ok @sun seeker . :hug: :hug: Xoxoxox.

 

[ladee]

Sorry that person was not more patient and understanding that it takes time and a lot of energy to clean up after an emotional tsunami.
Possibly next time you can simply state you Will get back to everyone when you can. Then share what you need to. Or, you can be ok with the others expectations and get to them when you can.
Am very happy you are ok and taking care of yourself. Gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[digger]

one of the people who supported me through the crisis surprised me by expressing that they were upset that I had not yet gotten around to telling them in detail how the crisis was resolved

You don't owe anyone any more detail than you are comfortable sharing with them and there shouldn't be any time limits on that.

Helping someone with the expectation of getting some kind of return on it and that that return will be within a given time frame is the stranger behaviour here, in my opinion, than your being emotionally spent after a crisis and maybe not finding the energy to reassure or show your appreciation as much as you might want to were you feeling stronger.

 

[sun seeker]

As long as you write a general post that you are ok and thanks everyone, I would think that you would be too exhausted to write to everyone who helped you.

I think I wasn't clear that not everyone helping me through the crisis would have read about it in one place. A message to everyone would surely have been efficient, but would not have covered everyone.

 

[sun seeker]

Wishing you well as you start over after it.

Thank you.

Just glad you're ok

Thank you. It sounded on my other thread like you are having a tough time yourself. Hugs back to you.

Sorry that person was not more patient and understanding that it takes time and a lot of energy to clean up after an emotional tsunami.

I explained my reasoning and they understood, fortunately. It just keeps surprising me how easy it is for what seems logical to one person to not even cross the mind of another. Communication can be tough.

Gentle hugs if you accept.

Certainly!

 

[sun seeker]

Help people in hope that when you need help someone will be there doing the same for you.

I wonder about this. I used to think more this way, but have changed a lot. It wasn't so much helping in the hope that others would do the same for me, as feeling so responsible for everyone that I had to give more than I really had to offer. It's taken me some time to learn that it isn't actually selfish to put my needs first. Then I have more left to give, and the giving is more authentic.

But I don't give because I hope or expect the person I am giving to, to do the same for me. That feels like giving with one hand while holding on with the other. I give because I care, because I feel compassion, because I have something to give, because I value the relationship... lots of reasons. But not because I expect the same in return. Yes, I hope others will be there for me when I need it, but out of a sense of caring, not obligation.

Seems like I had more to say, but have lost my train of thought. It's been a long day.

 

[sun seeker]

being emotionally spent after a crisis and maybe not finding the energy to reassure or show your appreciation

Thanks @digger.

I want to do so much more for people, really I do. And put more energy into nurturing a bunch of relationships. I just have to hope that people understand that my heart is in the right place when I'm not finding the time or the words.

Sigh. PTSD... the gift that just keeps on giving.

 

[ladee]

Your heart will guide you places your brain never imagined. Stay true to yourself. Gentle hugs.