The Cycle Of Isolation

[Kintsugi]

Hope you find the strength to forgive yourself as I don't feel punishing yourself will be of any overall benefit.

I am lucky enough to have a small yet strong circle of friends who have known me and been close to me since the start of my college life three years ago. I am lucky that we have had so many problems with one another, not spoken for months or a year at a time and mended things up, even if it was just one conversation had one night where we expressed our love and forgiveness without continuing a regularly maintained friendship thereafter. I know that when I find the strength you describe above, they will have already been ready to forgive me. It's like, no matter who is not speaking to whomever, if any of us showed up at the other's door in shambles, we would be invited in.

I am very lucky to have this sort of set of friends. Now I have to figure out how to overcome my own shame, I suppose.

 

[Nicolette]

I know that when I find the strength you describe above, they will have already been ready to forgive me. It's like, no matter who is not speaking to whomever, if any of us showed up at the other's door in shambles, we would be invited in.

I am very lucky to have this sort of set of friends.

Yes you are lucky and I wish you success in overcoming your shame as they sound like wonderful friends.

 

[mysihba]

For years I had to keep the lights on, shut off the phones to survive. Now, on my better days, I find I can't take any more or this "isolation". Those that I "served" for 25 years are nowhere around. Neither are a very few knew friends.
Who do I blame ? I would think the poeple that served together would not forget as well as those served. Either my isolation and ptsd drove them away or bonds like that don't hold up. I think I'm improved enough that I wouldn't drive away people now. But "life" is not working.
In my case I think a knew start in a knew community may be my only chance, while hoping that, although not perfect, some people will accept the good that I am, and have to offer.

 

[Kintsugi]

n my case I think a new start in a knew community may be my only chance, while hoping that, although not perfect, some people will accept the good that I am, and have to offer.

I think this is also a factor in finding new friends for me, Mysihba. Though I do have one solid little circle of friends floating in the world (currently scattered across the country), many of my friends were not as open to accepting me back readily, and frankly, I wasn't always disappointed. I realized that there were other people out there who may better serve as companions, and I was able to start new with them and assess them better as people and friends because they were not so close to me that I couldn't observe their positive and negative attributes lucidly.

 

[Reclusive]

I think part of it is that you have 'real' friends, who you're close to, who get you, who you can actually fight with and still be friends, and then there's the 'for entertainment purposes only' friends - they're really more acquaintances than anything else, and just fun to hang out with when you feel like it.

For me, I tell people I don't use my phone - it's only for emergencies. But I give them my email address and promise that if they email me I WILL answer. This allows me to answer them when I feel up to it instead of on the spot. Frankly, if that's not good enough for someone, they can just f!ck off. For the last two years, my own dad didn't even know I HAD a phone.

Right now I'm coming out of about a year's stretch of isolation and I'm getting ready to hang out with my dancer friends again. I already told one of them, through email, what I was going through and to let the others know that I'd be back, but I didn't know when. I've been reassured this has been done. I'm thinking about showing up in the next couple weeks and I'm kind of excited about it. And I've already decided that if I'm asked, I'll just tell the truth.

Part of this, I think, is that my medication is finally working right. I know I'll isolate again in the future and will probably flake out on things, but I'm okay with that. As a result, though, my normal indifference to judgement is coming back (what a relief!) The other part, I think, is that I'm finally acknowledging that I have my own needs and IN MY LIFE they're more important than anyone else's (except my fiance).

I don't know, though. I've had an 'up' couple of days and am feeling pretty good right now. When I wake up in the morning, I might be singing a different tune. Hard to tell, y'know?

 

[Nighthawk]

I boot my friends to the curb and am ashamed to go back to them. I choose to not bring new people in because I know I will go into my withdrawn mode and not call and not want to see anyone. I don't want to or feel that I havee to explain. I think alone is what I am meant to be. I am a burden to others IMO.I have one friend who does not care how bad or good I am she forces me out of the house either way. I keep thanking her for putting up with me. At the same time I don't think being in my house alone is always the best answer.

 

[Heather]

For me it's the opposite - I don't have any close friends anymore because I KNOW I'd run the friendship off into the ditch by allowing my feelings to get hurt. It's like I don't even know how to be a friend with someone anymore. I also don't know how to deal with conflict and avoid it at all cost.

For example: Last trip to the e.r. I asked my neighbor to watch Nicole. She agreed but then ended up going to the circus and dumped Nicole at another neighbor's house. Never bothered to call me and ask me if it was ok. I asked HER to watch my daughter nobody else. I trust my other neighbor (luckily) but that's not the point. I haven't said anything to her. It really made me mad.