The day after therapy...

[Stephernovas]

My signature move is stewing on things and then having a bunch of stuff I want to immediately discuss. Best thing to do: write it out on a piece of paper. Any time there is something I want to talk to my therapist about when I am not with her, I add it to my list. I review it the night before, or morning (or whenever) before I see her, and decide if those are still things she needs to be made aware of. Sometimes I toss out the whole list, other times I go in with a few things, and then there's those few thoughts that never make it on the paper and just pass.

Whenever I'm looking to connect with her, I like to ask myself what I want out of the conversation. Next I ask myself if there is an alternative way to meet this need. After all, she's not going to validate that behaviour anyways, so I may as well figure out how to best meet my own needs.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

After all, she's not going to validate that behaviour anyways

I'm just looking for clarification. Perhaps I misunderstood what was written. What do you mean by that? What behaviour do you feel your therapist wouldn't validate?

 

[Stephernovas]

If I was constantly trying to contact her (basically being dependant). She would set boundaries, and likely speak about what I’m going to do when she’s not around since the overall goal is for me to manage my life without her support (eventually)

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Ok. I just wondered if you have permission to contact your therapist - you do and yet receive no validation... to me that doesn't ring right.

Yes, there can be a dependency issue, that would have to be addressed, but at the same time as you're learning new skills, you need support and validation. That's so important!

 

[Rumors]

It's funny bc the thing I am feeling on day one after therapy is not the thing I feel on day 6 right before therapy. I need to write it down...lol

 

[Victory]

I always have a really powerful urge to contact my therapist the day after a session.
To the point wh...

Dear Barefoot, I go through the same thing and agree that it's not pleasant. What I do is take notes either by hand or in a Word document that I keep on my laptop. I write down the date of my next session then start listing things that I did not understand from today's session or things that continue to occur that I need to discuss with her at my next session. As time goes on, I often find clarity on past subjects, and many times, the things I'm concerned about today iron themselves out before my next session. By organizing things this way, I get the most bang for my buck in therapy because I'm not wasting my time on old news or on inconsequential events. I also bring along my list on a clipboard with a pen, and check off the items that I've completed during our session. That way I can focus on what she's telling me instead of trying to remember what I wanted to talk to her about, and if we run out of time to cover everything, I can easily add those topics to my next list.
Hope this helps... ~Victory

 

[Deleted member 38906]

Do you think this might be an object constancy issue? Have you told your T about your urges to contact her after a session? If so what has her response been.

I once told my T I have a difficult time with emotions after therapy and he said please call me when you experience something like that and I can spend 10 minutes or so guiding you through your feelings. It felt really amazing to hear him say that bc sometimes I just freak out that bc im not in my Ts presence and I dont see him, therefore he ceases to exist and all is lost (object constancy issue). I've never called him up but knowing that I have that option is tremendously helpful.

 

[barefoot]

@Victory - yes, if things come up after a session that I want to think/talk about more I’ll often write them down too. I’ll either journal for myself or write some bullet points/a mindmap to take into my next session. I have got better at bringing up things I want to bring up instead of just waffling about nothing. Though last session was a bit of a step back in that department and I talked about nothing non-stop for most of the session!

@Moo I’ve just googled object constancy as I’ve never heard of it. I do realise that she still exists. But I do still find it difficult to feel a sense of her being “out there”. Or maybe, on reflection, it is an anxiety about not having any sense that I am out there/that I exist from her point of view beyond our session time? I don’t know. I haven’t told her that I often really want to contact her after sessions. I think it would feel totally mortifying to tell her that - it makes me feel desperate and needy and clingy. Ugh! I don’t generally think I am those things. I am actually generally pretty detached in relationships. I hate that I’m not always like that with her. I don’t recognise this aspect of myself as it doesn’t seem to show up with anyone else.
Glad that your T was able to reassure you with his offer of contact/help.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

I think how you feel is normal even if you are 'detached' in other relationships. Your T is a reliable source of warmth and comfort so it makes sense to me why you would still want some of that after a therapy session ended. Very Normal. Talking about it with your T could unload you alot.

I think it all comes down to a therapists response. Some are better than others in responding to awkward issues. The good ones make you feel comfortable and at ease. Try it as an experiment. Tell her a bit about it and gauge her response.

 

[Butterflies2023]

All the years growing up (physical/emotional abuse from father - sexual abuse from brother and neglectful/absent mother) I survived by not existing. For all the years growing up ... my mind was separate from my body. I had no connection and what my mind saw - it didn’t like (body). I married the first guy I dated - just to get out of the house. The man was no different than my family.

So after 48 years I am now supposed to connect my body and mind.
Connect with a T.
Connect with people.

It’s very very hard. I am awkward. Stuck. Often would rather resign to living alone til I grow very old and die.

Then at times I want more than what I have - I don’t want to grow old alone

I have to try harder to connect to this very patient T. And I push away.

I grew up being extremely self reliant and that means not needing anyone

How do I find comfort in growing closer with my T?

Everything I read here is very nice.
I don’t know how to allow myself to have it.