The day after therapy...

[barefoot]

I always have a really powerful urge to contact my therapist the day after a session.
To the point where I have to use every last bit of self-control I have to reign myself in and not email her.

I don’t even have anything specific I want to say to her.

I hate feeling such a strong desire to get in touch with her. It makes me feel all clingy and needy and pathetic. Ugh!

Does anyone else experience this?
If so, what - if anything - do you do about it?

 

[UnicornSightings]

I always have a really powerful urge to contact my therapist the day after a session.
To the point wh...

It’s normal to want to connect with another human being! And especially with someone you’ve just shared intimate details of your life with who accepts you. I would talk to your therapist about the desire you’re having to stay connected so you can work on letting go of some of that judgement. It’s perfectly ok to feel the way you’re feeling. And just because you feel a certain way or have certain thoughts doesn’t mean you have to act on it. It also doesn’t make acting on it “bad”. And look at what you’re NEEDING the day after therapy. Reassurance? Acceptance? Connection? And think of ways you can either give that to yourself or reach out to others for it.

 

[Bristol]

Totally get this, i call it the emotional hangover. I havent found a way to deal with it i just try and ignore it and eventually it mellows out, but i get the overwhelming urge to email my T to almost remind her i exist in part?

 

[Deleted member 34328]

One of the worst emotional days is always "the day after". Depending on what we're working on, it can also be exhausting.

I need a couple of days to process the session and regroup. I moved my session day so that I have an extra day before the weekend hits and parent duties kick in.

I almost always email my T therapist shortly after a session. Most of the time for clarification, since the subject discussed can be overwhelming and a lot doesn't sink in.

I agree that taking time to bring the session to a natural close is important as well. Perhaps, something to bring up.

I've been 5 years and still struggle with "the day after" session. Very normal.

 

[BoN-bOn]

I email my T very often right after sessions. Sometimes right after. Sometimes the next day. Sometimes we email 2-3 times a week or more. She always responds in a reassuring way & never makes me feel like I’m needy at all. When you live your life believing that your needs are unimportant I think it’s very common to worry that you are being too needy, but it’s also important to learn that having needs is OKAY & completely normal. One day she asked me, “do you believe that you do not have a right to tell me how you feel?” I pondered that for a second & she assured me that I DO have every right to express/share my feelings with her & to never be ashamed of it.

 

[SinkorSwim]

I email my T usually a day after once I process my thoughts. A lot of the time I have trouble putting into words what I am feeling in the moment. I always fear she won't email me back but she always does. I feel bad for contacting her but I make sure to email her during office hours. I figure I'm not interrupting her too much then as she can take her time to respond.

 

[barefoot]

Thanks for the responses. Glad I’m not the only one who experiences this - but sorry it affects you guys too!

And look at what you’re NEEDING the day after therapy. Reassurance? Acceptance? Connection?

Hmm....good question...not sure I really know the answer...I think there is something around reassurance/comfort? But I feel very uncomfortable about a) feeling that I want/need that and b) looking to her for it.

i get the overwhelming urge to email my T to almost remind her i exist

Yes, this resonates with me. And maybe the other way too...that I need to feel that she exists and is “out there” somewhere when we’re not in the room together...?

I need a couple of days to process the session and regroup.

I almost always email my T therapist shortly after a session. Most of the time for clarification, since the subject discussed can be overwhelming and a lot doesn't sink in.

Yes, sometimes I want to email her because I’ve been busy processing and thoughts/questions have come up or because there’s something I want to ask. Sometimes I want to email to express something I was unable to express in session (because I got overwhelmed and couldn’t speak)

Sometimes though - like today - I don’t know why it is...I just really, really want to make contact. I don’t even know what I’d say.

I do email her occasionally - generally if there was something important that I couldn’t make myself say and holding on to the unexpressed thought/feeling is causing a lot of anxiety. She is ok with that, I think. She doesn’t respond to the content I’ve sent but does generally send a very brief reply acknowledging my email and then she’ll often mention it or ask me about it in the next session.

The thought of telling her that I feel an overwhelming urge to email her the day after every session feels mortifying. We had an initial conversation about attachment in a couple of sessions a few months ago and about how I often feel uncomfortable with and very anxious about...I don’t really know...the intimacy in the relationship, I suppose. Just being in relationship with her is very anxiety-making and spooks me. I managed to tell her that I often either feel overwhelmingly attached to her or, at the other end of the scale, I feel very angry with her and/or totally disconnected from her. So, to tell her that I always want to contact her after sessions feels like I’m being too needy and too attached?

 

[Deleted member 34328]

When is your next session?

I think we all feel 'needy' and pathetic (I used that word in an email a few weeks ago).

The relationship between the therapist and client needs to be strong, trusting and safe. You're sharing the hardest parts of your life with them.

Perhaps the issue of dependency needs to be revisited, but I'm wondering what type of support circle you have aside from your therapist?

 

[Freemartin]

Oh, the intimacy... That's a real pickle.

I get extremely uncomfortable and anxious whenever the issue is raised. It feels so dangerous somehow. I react to it as I would react to something physically dangerous. I get the whole fight/flight thing going on. I really feel threatened. And of course it all seems silly because hey, no-one is actually threatening me.

I have this disorganized attachment style. I've done some reading on it and the whole thing totally makes sense. All the sh*tty things that result from the situation where a kid has to endure abuse in the hands of their caretakers. Attachment and fear get entangled in ways unimaginable. So much fun trying to heal from that sh*t.

It sounds to me that you are on a perfect track, though.

 

[barefoot]

@stp2012 I usually go fortnightly but I’m actually going next week as I put an extra session in ahead of Christmas.

Perhaps the issue of dependency needs to be revisited, but I'm wondering what type of support circle you have aside from your therapist?

I actually have a really good support circle - which is why I am so baffled by this and so frustrated with myself. I have a really strong relationship with my partner of almost 20 years. I have friends - a couple of whom know I have PTSD and are great about that. I’m very functional - apart from short blips when I’m not so much! I work. I socialise. I find it pretty easy to get into relationship with people - though I guess mostly that is on quite a surface level. I don’t understand what I think I need from my therapist apart from to just give me good therapy! I don’t see what there is that I could really want from her that I don’t get from someone else. It’s confusing.

It feels so dangerous somehow.

Oh yes...it certainly does!

 

[NightSky]

I definitely feel this every week and have a hard time with it as well. Whenever I feel a vulnerability hangover I feel like I NEED my T. And then i hate myself for it. I am reading an amazing book called Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors and this is something I highlighted: “... some clients find that their trauma-related wishes and fears of relationship are so equally intense that therapy and the therapist evoke painful yearning, mistrust, hypervigilance, and anger, or fear and shame, rather than feelings of safety and comfort.” I think in session I get glimpses of that feeling of safety and comfort, and all of the proverbial boxes have been dumped with the contents all over the place, and going back to real life is jarring because I want more of the safety and comfort, plus I want to know my T cares about all of contents of the boxes I spilled with her. I struggle with feeling like she’s not real when I’m not with her. She knows this. So we have worked it out that I can message her and say “just checking to see if you’re there.” And she will respond. Just touching base helps a lot, even without exchanging much dialogue. It’s like I can’t carry her through the week. The yearning and mistrust are equally as intense and that makes for a very frustrating day after or even any day between sessions. (Until the day of my session comes around and I’m a nervous wreck)

 

[BoN-bOn]

I definitely feel this every week and have a hard time with it as well. Whenever I feel a vulnerabilit...

Your explanation is perfect. Exactly how I feel with needing to feel that safety & comfort but at the same time the whole mistrust, hypervigilance, anger, fear/shame combination. So confusing at times.